Low Ki vs Ahtu EVOLVE 10 01-14 2012
We need to talk about Low-Ki
How does one even get started on the topic of Low-Ki. It's a question on par with " How Do You Talk to an Angel" or "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man".
I don't know, Seven?
To say Low-Ki has a complicated in-ring legacy wouldn't be doing it justice. He has his defenders, he has his detractors, and he has people like me who fall in between.
His defenders would point to his old-school mentality, his in-ring ability, and chalk up a lot of the "Bad Low Ki stories" to Low-Ki protecting Low-Ki. All he is doing is making sure Low-Ki the character gets over and it's not his fault if promoters can't do their jobs. He feels the best way to protect his character is to keep his win-loss record intact, while also making sure not to make lesser competitors appear on his level. It damages the Low-Ki character
His detractors would say, it's wrestling dude . Wrestling isn't real so who cares if you lose sometimes. Also, that's fine you don't want to lose but stop knocking people out. There are a lot of people Low Ki has injured over the years, and it's questionable to figure out what is on purpose and what is an accident. As soon as I become best friends with Tony Khan, I will do everything in my power to get Low Ki vs Deranged from Death Before Dishonor on YouTube for this blog. If you've never seen it, at some point Deranged pisses Low Ki off so he proceeds to deliver an absolutely uncomfortable unprofessional ass-kicking. Not really an asskicking as much as a facekicking as poor Deranged gets kicked in the face several times. It's Brutal
Where do I stand on Low-Ki? I sort of fall in between Team Low Ki and Team Fuck Low Ki. I am the middle of the Venn Diagram. I could give a shit if Low Ki ever loses or holds up promoters for money because, it's not my money. For a while, Low-Ki was considered by some to be a shitty dude in pro wrestling but the bar for being a bad person in wrestling has been raised DRAMATICALLY over the past few years. I don't think Low-Ki would even make the PWI 500 of Wrestling shitheads anymore. PWI standing for Pro Wrestling Idiots of course. Much like TV Guide's Cheers and Jeers section, that would need to be published anonymously. So yes I do think some of the Low-Ki hate is a bit much, but, I mean....you really shouldn't hurt people on purpose. That seems like a bad time. Maybe you shouldn't be doing that. I'm full of it though because , this is a blog about squash matches and I would be a hypocrite if I tried to scold Low-Ki for doing stuff that The Steiners, Vader, Sid, etc did all the time. Nobody really complains about Vader being safe , and he broke a guys back. I mean, I assume the guy complained but other than that. I guess I sort of let the old squash matches not bother me because I have the hindsight to know, well those guys seemingly ended up ok so we're good here. I'm not endorsing Low-Ki's actions, I'm just not...not endorsing them.
I know what you're thinking, that I'm pulling a 2004 John Kerry and flip flopping. That I can't seem to pick a side and I'm straddling the fence. Well you're wrong. There's no need to call the Taylor Swift Boat Veterans for truth or whatever the nonsense that Karl Rove pulled out of his villainous asshole was. I'm not John Kerry in 2004
I'm Howard Dean.
Because the noises that came out of my mouth during this match would also insure I was never elected president.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the 12 apostles this is brutal
This match is from Evolve 10, A Tribute to the Arena which is one of the many times the ECW Arena was supposedly never going to have wrestling again. Our squashee tonight is Ahtu, who is an absolute beast of a man. He is accompanied by his manager , who I think could place in the PWI 500 one year. For this article let's call him Larry D. No, that's too obvious. Let's call him L. Dallas.
This is the opening match of the show, billed as Ahtu vs a Mystery opponent. Answering the call is of course Low-Ki. It'd be really weird if I talked about Low Ki for three paragraphs and Ahtu's opponent was like Bart Sawyer. Clearly Ahtu has the size advantage, and while Low Ki is a world class striker...how can he take on someone of Ahtu's size.
By knocking him the fuck out with the first move.
Low Ki runs with a spinning capo kick or front flip kick or whatever it's called, all I know is much like the underrated Snowboard comedy starring a young Zack Galifankus ( no way I'm spell-checking that), Ahtu is Out Cold. He's the kind of out cold where their whole arms go to their side and stiffen up. It is insane.
Now, at this point the match should be over .
Emphases on should
Whether this was Low-Ki getting his shit in, or just trying to finish the match quickly ,or a some other reason I don't know, this goes on.
Poor Ahtu , or more accurately the autopilot of Ahtu's Brain, somehow gets up in the corner and Low Ki comes in for an absolutely terrible Tidal Wave kick. It loooks badddd. Low Ki then very slowly puts Ahtu on the ground and climbs the top rope and hits The Warrior's Way Double stomp
This is pretty much the Low-Ki experience in a nutshell. It's awesome and brutal and uncomfortable and stiff and dangerous and more adjectives. I gotta put this in the hall of fame though, because it is absolutely gnarly.
How does One Even Talk about Low Ki?
I don't know. Seven?
TLDR REVIEW
Poor Ahtu. Low Ki is complicated to talk about. When in doubt make a Simpsons joke
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.