“Ravishing” Rick Rude vs. Mark Starr WCW Saturday Night 05-14-1994
Until last month, I hadn't cut my hair in three years
That's not the first time I went a long time without a haircut either. That was kind of my modis operandi for a while. Grow my hair out, wait until it gets too hot, cut my hair, awkwardly explain to people everything is OK but I just wanted it cut. I had never gone this long though. I had cut my hair for a wedding in 2019 with the intention of not letting it get too long again. I liked having it long, but I hated the time period in between where it looked dumb. I had become a manbun person without becoming a manbun person. By that, I mean I had a manbun but not the personality to match. I didn't have any strong opinions on craft beer other than the fact it exists. So, I decided damnit I was going to keep on this. Then Covid hit and the world shutdown and I was sent home to work. Now that I didn't have to worry about looking like an asshole, I just let my hair grow out. I got to skip the part where it looked like shit and jump right to the part where it's long. I'm going grey, so my ultimate hope is that before I go bald I will be able to get grey enough to look like Sam Elliot in Roadhouse. Now as riveting as reading a wrestling blogger discuss his follicle aspirations can be , I promise I'm going to land the plane. With summer on the horizon, I said it was time to cut it all off again. As I sat in the barber chair and watched my luscious locks fall to the floor, I took a look in the mirror and thought.
Where the fuck has this guy been?
That's how I feel about short hair Rick Rude. The Rick Rude I first remember was the long-haired Rick Rude best represented in the awful Hasbro figure. The Rick Rude who put Cheryl Roberts on his tights to taunt Jacob The Snakob. To me, that Rick Rude is kind of goofy. I knew it wasn't a comedy character, but the whole thing is silly to me. He's got that borderline perm and those tights and he looks ridiculous. Is that a perm? I realize I don't know what a perm is. The whole gimmick and look is fun, but it's very pro wrestling dumb
But short-haired Rick Rude scares theshit out of me.
It's remarkable how Rick Rude with the short haircut is way more of a badass. You can chalk it up to evolving as a performer if you want, but I'm going to put it on the haircut. Where as long-haired Rude was kind of corny, short haired Rick was kind of Korny. As in the band Korn. As in, IM GOING TO LOUDLY YELL AND ASSAULT YOU. For lack of a better analogy, short haired Rick Rude looked like a man. Long-haired Rude looked like a guy who worked at Chippendales. Short-haired Rude looked like a guy who would fight all the Chippendale's dancers for making eye contact with his wife. WHY DID YOU BRING HER THERE RICK? Short-haired Rick looked like a dad, an angry jacked dad. Dads are scary man. Especially ones who put their own names on their ass. I guarantee you if my girlfriend's dad ever stumbles upon this blog, he will almost assuredly write his name on his butt next time he sees me. I gave him a Roy Schneider photo I found at a yard sale and he autographed it to himself as Roy Schneider
" Tom, Keep out of the water...Roy"
Speaking of water, STAR WIPE TRANSITION, we flash back to WCW Saturday Night in 1994 where Mark Starr is in deep water against Rick Rude. Mark Starr is a perennial mid 90s WCW jobber, even getting the illustrious role of "jobber who kind of has a gimmick". The best kind. If Wikipedia is to be believed, this is a kind of milestone match for Rick Rude. This is the last televised match Rick Rude ever had. He suffers his career ending injury on May 1st, and this was taped previous to the injury, but aired afterwards. So for a lot of people, this is for all intents and purposes Rick Rude's last match.
What a way to go out.
Mark Starr is already in the ring with his glorious mullet when Rick Rude's theme song "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" hits. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just the song they ripped off. When 'Simply Ravishing" hits. They of course cut to the obligatory shots of the women who can't handle Rick's sleazy energy. This was the early stages of what I believe was supposed to be a Rick Rude face turn, which might have been the first of his career. I could be wrong, I don't know I just say stuff.. Match starts oddly with Starr catching a Rude kick and Rude daring him to do something. Mark attempts a punch, but Rude blocks it and throws a nasty clothesline. It just dawned on me that Rude doesn't have anything on his arms. No elbow pads, no wrist tape, no compression sleeve. He is the exception to the "If you don't have shit on your arms, you suck" rule. Rude hits another pair of stiff clotheslines. A really stiff body slam too.
I'm not saying stiff just because I'm trying to get my SEO up for people sexually attracted to Rude, I'm just trying to point out Rude seems pissed and I can't figure out why.
He's yelling at Vader, who he was just starting a feud with, so maybe he's trying to show he can hurt wimpies just as easily. He gets a hold of Starr and KICKS HIM RIDICOUSLY HARD IN THE CHEST. That sound is gonna stay with me. Jesus Christ. Starr comes back and slaps the fuck out of Rude multiple times. RUDE JUST TAKES IT AND WITH ONE SLAP SENDS STARR TO THE MAT. He then SLAPS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM AGAIN AND THEN TO HIS STOMACH.
At this point Mark Starr's inner monologue has to be Jimmy McNulty from The Wire, wondering "What the fuck did I do".
Rude just beating the shit out of him with clubbing blows and a back suplex. I mean it can't get any worse. Wait nevermind he just did a nasty jumping piledriver. This is nuts guys. Somebody stop the damn match. Rude just keeps going unleashing punches followed by a belly to belly suplex and a pin attempt. Pin attempt is my polite way of saying, rick rude sits with his balls on Mark Starr's face. SEO is gonna be gnarly for this one. Rude still continuing the beatdown with a bearhug. Mark throws a punch to Rude's stomach but Rude counters with another stiff shot. Listen, I know wrestling isn't real but something is clearly up Rude's ass. That or he's the greatest wrestler of all time. Finally and mercifully, Rude hits the Rude Awakening neck breaker for the win.
This is just an ass-kicking and it definitely turned real at points. It's in the Hall of Fame for sure. I mean it made me uncomfortable and this blog is based all around uncomfortable wrestling moments. God short haired Rick Rude is nuts. Rick Rude cutting his hair is like Samson cutting his hair, except Rick Rude gains the super power of violence. I can't figure out how much of that was Rude playing into the feud with Vader, or Rude playing into a feud with Mark Starr
Mark Starr shouldn't have looked at Rude's wife
TLDR Review
Rick is mad. He looks like a dad. Mark Starr is sad.....because he's coughing up blood .
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