Oz vs. Johnny Rich WCW Clash of the Champions 15 06-14-1991
My mom loves The Wizard of Oz.
Well, I think she loves the Wizard of Oz. I know for a fact she likes The Wizard of Oz, but I'm not sure if she loves it as much as she says she does. I don't think she's lying to us maliciously, I just suspect maybe she's sparing our feelings. The reason being, my brother and I have b got her Wizard of Oz related gifts ever year since we were old enough to be responsible for our own gift giving. It's gotten ridiculous at this point how much stuff she has. I try not to get her anymore Wizard of Oz crap , but sometimes it's a week before Christmas and the gifts are looking light so I just gotta go, Fuck It.
Here mom, I got you a photo of The Tinman signed by Buddy Ebsen.
.Between me and my brother she's gotten all manner of snow globes, dolls, figures, artwork, windchimes, ornaments, pillows, blankets, shirts, records, CDs, DVDs, and various other forgotten Knick a knack and bric a brac. She would have said something right? I rescind my previous thoughts, I know my mother loves The Wizard of Oz. Just like I love wrestling. We both love our stuff and so our houses are full of it. Where I have a Bret Hart poster above my TV, she has a photo of the cowardly lion above hers. You'd think with my love of pro wrestling, and her love of The Wizard of Oz, I'd let her know about the one time our worlds collided. I'm not talking about the urban legend of how a torrid night of passion with Judy Garland cost Buddy Rogers the WWWF Title. No, What I mean is
I've never once tried to show her Oz.
The wrestler not the HBO Show. I didn't try to show her the HBO show either because, you know.....not an ideal show to watch with your mom. Ooo that Beecher is at it again, pass the popcorn woman who birthed me.
I've never tried to show her Dr. Oz either, but that's because he's a piece of shit huckster. Oz the wrestling gimmick on the other hand, is just shitty. My mom doesn't hate wrestling, she was just never afraid to point out when it was stupid. So, why give her the ammunition. I don't like when she makes fun of wrestling, She doesn't like it when I point out how many pills they were pumping Judy Garland full of during Wizard of Oz. We have an understanding. A case of mutually assured destruction I've known about Oz for a long time, and I still have never told her. I made it this far, why bother telling her now? It'd just serve to make both of us like the thing we like less.
Less we waste more time talking about Ray Bolger, let's flash back to 1991 for an edition of WCW Clash of the Champions. Clash of the Champions were always a big deal to me. They were WCW specials on TBS a few times a year on prime-time on a weekday. There were always big matches and big angles and were such a great mid-week treat. I watched the last one live and kept waiting and waiting for another one, but after 1997 they went kaput. Tonight's is the fifteenth Clash of The Champions as the aforementioned Oz will be taking on Johnny Rich. Oz is of course played be Kevin Nash in one of the many baffling gimmicks WCW gave him. Nowadays Big Kev is known for being one of the funniest and most charming wrestlers to ever step foot in a ring, but WCW clearly didn't see that. Kevin got over being himself, but in WCW they had him as a master blaster, a giant mobster, and in this instance A...wizard? I'm a little unclear on The Oz gimmick. The urban legend goes that this was supposed to be a piece of synergy with Turner Broadcasting who owned the rights to The Wizard of Oz. How they picked this shit when a Cowardly Lion gimmick was ripe for the plucking is beyond me. That gimmick writes itself.
Well technically L Frank Baum writes it, but you get what I mean.
I suppose we should cover the match. Oz is out first and I'll give them this, it's a hell of an entrance Lots of green lasers, pyro, an ominous score, and a castle surrounded by smoke. John Hammond levels of spared no expense. The gear though, oh they spared lots of expense. Oz comes out in a bright yellow robe, a wizard hat, and an absolutely awful fake old man wizard mask. It's the kind of mask you find a Spirit Halloween, and it's still there the next Halloween because nobody bought it, and the Halloween after that and goddamnit Spirit Halloween run a fucking clearance sale once in a while. Oz is accompanied by "The Great Wizard". Props on WCW for dodging a racist gaffe by choosing great over grand.
Don't worry fans of racist gaffes, WCW will get less successful at dodging them later on. They probably did something offensive the night this aired.
The Great Wizard is Kevin Sullivan ,I think, and he accompanies Oz to the ring in A SOMEHOW WORSE OLD MAN MASK. What's the fuck with these masks. When did Mama's Family get cancelled, does that have something to do with this shit? Also, how the fuck is The Grand Wizard managing Oz. I thought Oz was a wizard. What the fuck. I AS WILLING TO SUSPEND THE DISBELIEF THAT OZ IS A PLACE, NOT A PERSON BECAUSE I ASSUMED YOU WERE IMPLYING HE WAS A WIZARD BUT THIS IS BULLSHIT. Well finally Oz is in the ring with his giant yellow traffic cone ass headgear. When he takes it off, hey it's grey haired Kevin Nash. Who looks the fucking same now. Kevin Nash with the grey hair looks actually cool, and this gimmick would be a lot less D.O.A if they didn't have him wearing that ridiculous outfit. His opponent Johnny Rich gets a hell of a lot less fanfare, but still has the superior mullet. Fun Fact, Johnny Rich is the cousin of Tommy Rich.
Funner fact, that's all I know about Johnny Rich.
Match is finally underway, sorry I ranted about the entrance for so long. It turns out this is actually Oz's second match and his first on television. I can only imagine how much worse the first match was. They lock up and Oz drives his ugly yellow color scheme tighted knee into Johnny's gut. He backs Rich into the corner and then a hiptoss across the ring. It was supposed to be an impressive thro l, but it looks unnatural. Not as unnatural as THOSE HIDEOUS TIGHTS OZ IS WEARING, but still unnatural. Rich ducks a clothesline from Oz, but Oz with a BIG SHOULDER BLOCK. Big Kev got some big ups man. Oz comes back with a terrible clothesline that poor Johnny Rich does a big bump for. I know Kevin Nash gets better, but yikes does Oz's offense look like it couldn't break a a Fabergé egg. I assume they're more fragile than regular eggs because they're so expensive. Oz goes for the cover, but decides that neither Johnny or myself have suffered enough. He whips Rich into the ropes and hits him with A BOOT TO THE FACE. To the untrained eye, it looks like he just legitimately kicked him in the face but what do I know. Oz follows up with the deadly, the dangerous, the dull as dirt forearms to the back and then a nice sidewalk slam. Oz gets Rich up and WHIRLYBIRD. WHIRLYBIRD for the win. If that isn't his finisher because of something with Kansas and Tornadoes then what has this all been for guys?
Well that was bad. I thought it'd be bad and it was still somehow worse. Oz has so many green lasers to symbolize how green he was at wrestling /Holy Shit. This gimmick was doomed. The entrance attire was laughable, the tights were distractingly ugly. Oz the gimmick was great...from the waist up. Poor Nash couldn't get any cool offense in. This sucked
Nobody tell my mother about this
TLDR Review
If you play this match during Dark Side of the Moon it still sucks. I should probably think about what to get my mom for Christmas staring now. It's dawning on me my color blindness is making it possible that Oz's tights are actually green not yellow.
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