Hall of Fame Squash: Vader vs Randy Hogan WCW Worldwide 01-22-1994
Holy Fucking Shit
So a lot of times with this blog, I try to sort of tell personal anecdotes to lead into the match reviews. I do that for a couple reasons. One is because I like to think that people enjoy finding out my history and my point of view. The other reason is, I got to pump that word count up baby . I love squash matches, I really do , but it's not very often I can get a full blog entry by just describing the match. Most of the time I'm trying to think of a different way to describe "guy is tired and so he just does a shitty armbar for a while". But, then a match comes along that has more to unpack that Phineas Fogg's luggage
Vader vs Randy Hogan
Today's entry is an episode of WCW Worldwide from January 1994. In one corner is The Man They Call Vader, a contender for the title of Greatest Squash Match Wrestler of all time. He will be showing up plenty of times in this blog so we're not going to dive too deep into him. All you need to know is jobbers would sometimes walk out instead of getting in the ring for him. To make it even worse for our future victim, Vader recently lost the WCW World Title to Ric Flair so he has a bit more to prove here tonight. His opponent is Randy Hogan, who looks like
You guessed it Frank Stallone.
Wait, wrong gimmick. No he looks like Hulk Hogan. I did the bare minimum of research and apparently Randy was a perennial NWA/WCW job guy based solely on the fact he looked like Hulk Hogan. He was basically given a career because he looked like someone else. Oh my god he is Frank Stallone. So Randy was originally booked to mock Hogan, but this is 1994 and I'm not sure of exact dates but Hogan will be showing up on WCW Television in about two months. I am not sure if this was done before that, or if this was done to tease a Vader/Hulk program coming later in the year. This is either clever foreshadowing or a bizarre coincidence. I saw bizarre coincidence at Coachella, they weren't that great.
Vader is managed by Harley Race during this time frame. What a pairing of absolute tough sons of bitches. I wonder how Harley was as a squash guy. Randy Hogan of course looks like Hulk, but weighs like 50 pounds less than him. I'm not kidding, Randy looks absolutely terrified here. He looks like he's having an anxiety attack before they announce his name. He finally smiles when they complete his introduction, and then right back to intense fear. This is filmed at Disney MGM Studios, proving that Bambi wasn't the only time Disney showed a murder on screen. Right off the bat Vader picks up Randy Hogan and tosses him to the ground and it looks awful. Not awfully executed, but like that it hurt....a lot. Vader slams him down again and hits the ropes.....and hits the ropes...and hits the ropes....and hits the ropes....and LEON HURRY UP, I GOT SHIT TO DO...and hits a splash. Vader gets Randy in the corner and starts unloading strikes. They look like they really hurt and because it's Vader, I assume they do. Vader sets him up in the corner for a Vader Bomb. 1-2, Vader says he's not done yet. Of course he's not, Hogan is still breathing .
VADER CLIMBS THE TOP ROPE
I was terrified about what was next for poor Randy Hogan as Vader climbed. You can see Randy staying perfectly still and praying to whatever god he believes in. Vader hits a TURNING SPLASH onto Randy. The landing looks great, it really does, but the jump looks so fucking silly. It looked like Vader should be yelling """WEEEEEEEEE" before he leapt. Vader makes the referee count out Hogan instead of pinning him and gets the win
This is a Hall of Fame squash and an absolute shitkicking. Poor Randy Hogan man. He loses the match, he loses his WCW gig, and I'm assuming he lost years off his life from this.
TLDR Review
Absolute. Fucking. Brutality
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