Braun Strowman vs CC Bonin, Dusty Wallace, James Stock, & Rob Kelly WWE Monday Night Raw 02-06-2017
Let's start with an unnecessarily complicated analogy
WWE is to Braun Strowman as Obi Toppin, Jalen Green, Cole Anthony, and Juan Toscano Anderson is to a basketball at 2022 NBA All Star Weekend.
Missed Slam Dunks.
Maybe I should have made that a Carnac the Magnificent bit? You are correct sir. Anyways, much like the ill-fated 2022 Contest, WWE also has it's fair share of missed slam dunks. You look back at their history and the landscape is filled with can't miss prospects that somehow missed. Usually you can pick it apart and gaslight yourself into seeing WWE's side. But, Braun Strowman is their greatest fuck-up of the modern era. He has everything that you would assume Vince McMahon would want in a wrestler. He's big, he's got a look, he's a bootlicker, he's big, he's dumb as fuck, he's big. On top of all that, Braun Strowman was way better than most guys put in that role. He was , dare I say it? I do dare.
Actually good.
WWE always has to have at least one monster character. A lot of the time someone BECOMES a monster by beating the previous monster. It reads like one of those verses in the Bible that's about fucking. George Steele beget Kamala who beget Yokozuna who beget Vader who beget Kane who beget ....after that I get a bit lost. What's most impressive is Braun was a monster who was actually quite skilled. When he first came in, it was rough. He debuted as a member of the Wyatt Family and he wasn't very good. It probably had a lot to do with the fact he had five fucking matches before he got called up. Within his first year of ever having a pro wrestling match he's working house shows against Kane and Undertaker. After the Wyatts broke up he was given a singles push. I don't think anyone had a lot of faith in the Braun Strowman run. We all knew he was going to get a push, but I think most of us thought it would be trash. He came in and was pushed so hard , but in a shocking tuyrn of events....the crowd actually loved him. This was when RAW was CONSTANTLY being taken over by fans rebelling against the product. Even at that height of rebellion, they never turned against Braun. Braun's role was to kick some ass and that's it. People loved that. He was the modern version of Sid, someone you think smart fans would hate, but instead he was loved. Hell, I loved it. I was a DVR advocate, but Braun got the coveted " Crap I gotta stop Fast Forwarding" spot. He was a top guy doing top guy stuff, but they waited way too long to give him the belt. It happened during the pandemic too, so it doesn't count. So what happened?
I don't know
It's baffling, because for the most part they booked Braun really well. But they made weird decision after weird decision. They had him challenge and lose against World Champions multiple times. They turned him heel randomly and gave him Drew and Dolph as a crew. . They had him fail to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase. There are a litany of other bad decisions, but ultimately they just fucked him. 1800s Pioneer Couple style. Plain and simple. They had momentum. They had a chance to make him their top guy. I'm guessing they just had tunnel vision on Brock and Roman and Braun was never going to get into that spot. You don't gotta control your narrative Braun, you got fucked you big dummy.
Don't worry Braun, let's travel back to the glory days I know you want to live in. No not that far, a little closer. Here we go, back to 2017 when you were happy as a clam. I mentioned before that WWE always had a monsters. The build was simple. You kill wimpies for a few weeks, then it's two wimpies, then if you're really pushed it's three wimpies. In WWE, this is the ONLY time I ever remember there being Four wimpies. So as dumb as it is, this is a really great indication of how serious they were about pushing Braun. This is also early into his feud with Roman Reigns so the Braun train, get it, has left the station. Tonight in this handicap match, Braun is taking on CC Bonin, Dusty Wallace, James Stock, and Rob Kelly. I don't know who is who so I will name them based on their appearances. Singlet, Tights, Shirt, and Hair.
The match starts with Braun and the Wimpy Brigade already in the ring. The Wimpies all have a team meeting and rush Braun. Singlet gets taken down quickly. The other three mount some offense, but a big clothesline to Tights follow by punches to Shirt and Hair. All four are down and now Braun is going to make them pay. A big clubbing forearm to the chest of Tights. I've bitched and moaned about clubbing forearms to the back and how they suck. I do not feel the same way about clubbing forearms to the chest. Splash after Splash after Splash to Hair and Shirt. Tights does the smartest thing a wimpy has ever done, and says screw it and just runs to the back. Then we get a WWE star wipe transition. I don't usually love using edited matches, but it's obviously such a small amount of time that I'll let it pass. Braun with a nice suplex toss to Shirt. Hair throws a punch at Braun, but Braun tosses him to the ground and into....SINGLET? Singlet has been down this whole time, and this is the second time Braun just straight up threw someone into him. Is he actually dead? Braun hits Hair with a bunch of nasty strikes. He hits the big powerslam to Shirt, then stacks the bodies to pin all three for the win.
It's alright, but disappointing. I know there are better Braun matches than this, and I'm sure we'll find them on the way. They really teased me with the four guys on one team thing, but it shouldn't count when one drops dead during the match and the other bails. False Advertising. I'm leaving WWE an awful Yelp review. Forget the Saudi Blood Money shows, the poor worker's rights, the misogynies, the racism, or toxic work environment.
Lying about Squash Matches is where I draw the line
TLDR Review
Braun could have been booked better. This match could have been booked better. WWE could be better
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.