Glacier vs Big Bubba Rogers WCW Monday Nitro 09-16-1996
Did Karate peak in 1996?
God, I really am a wannabe Bill Simmons sometimes, just asking if a hundreds year old martial art peaked in the same year Tom Dolan won a Olympic Gold medal in swimming. I'm sort of joking when I ask, but I'm sort of not. I've been doing this blog for a little while, and when I started this entry I had to ask myself ....Why are there so many entries about karate? That last sentence is meant to be sung to the tune of Rainbow Connection by the way. I'm serious though, Glacier is the third or forth guy to be on this blog whos gimmick was "Guy who does Karate". I looked back and all those entries were from the 90s, which led me to wonder if it was a 1996. I can't speak to kids today, but in 1996 we all wanted to learn Karate. On multiple occasions I rented the VHS Tape where Tommy from the Power Rangers teaches you karate. On multiple occasions, I took books from the library that teached you Karate. On multiple occasions I asked my parents if I could take Karate only to be rebuffed. They probably, correctly, assumed that I would use my powers for evil and not good. I wasn't a bad kid, but that's probably because I didn't think I had the power to superkick someone. If I thought I was trained properly, I would have Sweet Chin Music'd a lot of kids in my grade. I'm sure it happened in the 80s, I'm sure it happened in the 2000s but it couldn't have possibly been a bigger karate craze than in 1986. We had Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Beetleborgs, WMAC Masters, Karate Fighters, Street Fighter, Killer Instinct and of course
Mortal Kombat
A quick disclaimer, I am a Street Fighter over Mortal Kombat person. I think it's a better game. But as a kid, the allure of Mortal Kombat was too strong. The attempts to censor Mortal Kombat was a real Streisand effect, because it made everyone want it more. Everyone had opinions about the game even though there was no way most of us had even played it. Yet we still all had opinions on who the best character was.
Kano
That's not true. If there was a kid in elementary school who told us Kano was his favorite character, he would have been ostracized and made to be that kid who sits on the swing by himself. Fucking Kano. you gotta be shitting me. GO SIT OVER THERE DEREK. Despite the debate, there was obviously a clear favorite
Sub-Zero
He's a ninja who freezes people, if you don't see the appeal of that than you must be Ray Charles because you're a dead inside . He was so friggin cool. So imagine how excited I was when I saw that Sub-Zero was coming to WCW. Like I know he wasn't actually Sub-Zero, but he was basically Sub-Zero. I don't want to call it a knock-off, because a knock-off implies they changed it a little. It's a rip-off. I cannot believe they never got sued. It's WCW, they would have lost for sure. Nevertheless, Glacier vignettes aired for months as the hype rose. He debuted on WCW Pro the previous month, but this is the first time Glacier appeared live on WCW Monday Nitro. Let's see how it goes.
First we need to address the elephant in the room, Glacier looks so rad. Maybe my definition of what is cool is wrong, I used to be with it but they changed what it is, but I think he looks like a badass superhero. He also has a very little part of his face painted, and its a mathematical fact that painting your face makes you a cooler wrestler. It's been so long since I saw the full Glacier entrance with the snow and the lights and the music and as a kid I ate it up. The snow especially, which I can only assume was leftover cocaine from the WCW locker room's bags. Tonight Glacier's opponent is Big Bubba Rogers. We need to address the elephant in the room
Big Bubba Rogers who is fat and looks like shit.
He looks terrible. He slims down considerably in the next couple years, but this is the peak of him looking really really bad. Its remarkable to know within two years he'll be back in WWF and being a highlight of the shows. Glacier gets special blue light for his match, which begs the question.....has any wrestler with special lightning not been a disappointment. The Fiend, Sin Cara, Glacier, all characters with a lot of potential who got the reputation for being disappointing. I couldn't think of a single good one off the top of my head, so comment if you can think of one.
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Part of the reason I picked this match is because it's Glacier's live debut. He previously wrestled on taped shows, so I'm curious to see how the fans take the gimmick. He'd only been on TV for a month, so it's not like he's been built up a ton. Eric Bischoff on commentary for this one so he can jiu-jitsu jackoff to martial arts content. He's an asshole, fuck that guy. Bubba goes after Glacier, but Glacier quickly sweeps the leg. Not in the fun Cobra Kai way, he just sorta grabs his leg and Bubba falls. What is Bubba's gear here? It's a t shirt and leather pants, it looks awful. Bubba keeps trying to throw strikes and Glacier counters with kicks and dodges. Glacier hits a few kicks before Bubba catches one and slaps Glacier twice. Glacier counters with a dropkick and misses some spin kicks that send Bubba reeling. Not to be that guy, but anytime anyone calls modern wrestling choregraphed.....show them this match and tell them to piss off. This is so put together it's annoying. Bubba suckers Glacier to the ropes and throws an uppercut to get a quick advantage. He gets Glacier onto the ropes and throws some punches. Glacier tries to counter by leaping at Bubba, but Bubba catches him with a spinebusteer. That is the first thing that looked good this whole match. Bubba starts doing fake Karate which is great. While Bubba is taunting, Glacier PUSHES HIMSELF UP DOING A SPLIT. Ok, now we're cooking with grease. With Bubba turns around Glacier sweeps him and hits a barrage of kicks. Nobody is going to believe me, but did Low-Ki watch Glacier matches when he was training? Low-Ki does a lot of Glacier offense except he kicks people for real so it looks actually good. Bubba gets one last charge in before Glacier takes him down and then hits the spinning kick for he win. The kick actually looked very good.
I've done a few Karate gimmick guys here, and it's all the same. There's moments where the gimmick works, but when its bad its really bad. It looks too hokey and choregraphed. I'll be interested to see if any Karate man breaks the squash match barrier, because right now I'm disappointed yet again. I think Glacier matches should have been less than a minute for the first few months, because the longer the matches go the worst it looks. I think Glacier as a gimmick rules, but it's the definition of "and then the bell rang".
This wouldn't have happened with a Vega gimmick
TLDR Review
Karate Gimmicks can't hit. Big Bubba Rogers can't Dress. Kano fans can't sit with us at lunch
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