Umaga vs. Brian Kendrick WWE Raw 01-21-2008
I think Umaga is the greatest monster heel WWE ever had.
There was bigger, there was scarier, but there was never anyone better. I don't think he gets even a fraction of the appreciation he should. I'm just over here biding my time for the nostalgia cycle to finally catch up to something I've known for a while.
Umaga. Fucking. Ruled.
Aside from being an absolute killer, Umaga worked so well because it shouldn't have worked so well. Like so many things pro wrestling, it sounds utterly absurd when you say it out loud. Ok so this new Samoan guy is gonna debut, well he's not a new Samoan guy as he was in a team with another Samoan guy a couple years ago based around the concept of time, but we're going to pretend he's a different guy. Anyways, he's gonna be like super Samoan. No., not a super Samoan like we made that other Samoan from the time based tag team, but this Samoan is gonna be like really Samoan. Like we're gonna make him a monster like how people think Samoa is, like but not in the Juniour Seau Samoan kind of way . I mean in the Wild Samoan kind of way. But he's not going to be part of The Wild Samoans, but he's going to be a wild Samoan. it's gonna be rad man, he's gonna have his face tattooed and then he's gonna get a manager, and get this it's the best part, its a Cuban guy because .......well we really like this Cuban guy. So what do you think?
I think it sounds dumb as shit
I've never been more glad than to be so wrong ( not true, I once thought we should trade Tom Brady and keep Matt Cassell), because Umaga ruled. The gimmick needed some tweaking ( Umaga's hairstyle in early appearances was memorably comical), but once they figured it out it worked man. Ironically what made Umaga seem hokey at first is what made him stand out so much. Late 2000s WWE was chock full of a lot of white guys with bland first names and last names that all sort of blend together. It was still tying to focus on more realistic storylines and character portrayals( I know there were exceptions but work with me here), so a throwback gimmick like Umaga really stood out. The Umaga gimmick could have fit in any era to WWF. You could see him bloodying up Bruno, blindsiding Hogan, and having his push ended by a HBK tantrum. While the gimmick fit any era, the ring style was distinctly modern. Umaga was a monster who actually did shit. He absolutely murdered dudes in his match which got him over. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? OTHER THAN ME THE GUY SCREEAMING ABOUT IT ON A BLOG FOR 2 MONTHS. It wasn't just squashes either, as Umaga was so good in competitive matches too. If my timeline is right, it was the series with Umaga that finally opened some eyes to John Cena as a quality wrestler. Not me though, I thought he sucked for 5 years after that because I'm as stubborn as I am good-looking.
Very
So you combine that awesome in-ring ability with a unique for the time gimmick and you get the greatest monster heel WWE ever had. If you're still not convinced, if I have yet swayed you with my oratory skills, then perhaps you are an audio visual learner and need physical evidence. You need a sacrifice.
Alright, Bet.
Its January 2008 on Monday Night Raw and tonight we will see Umaga take on Brian Kendrick. We've seen Kendrick on the blog before and I think this match will also go badly for him. This was during his tag team with Paul London, but London was injured at the time so WWE decided to make the tag belts mean more by constantly having guys kill their former champion. We get a pleasant William Regal GM cameo who tells Brian that in order to qualify for the rumble he has to defeat you guessed it,
Frank Stallone
Got my index card mixed up, I mean Umaga.
We are deprived of Regal saying Umanga which means this match is unfortunately starting on it's back foot. Kendrick sells the Umaga announcement so well. He isn't afraid, he's just very much aware that he is probably fucked. Not hey they discovered by old shoot interviews fucked, but fucked nonetheless. This qualifying match is for the 2008 Royal Rumble, which is the greatest royal rumble of all time. I'm not kidding. I spend 2 months re-watching all them and making a spread sheet with my friends, 08 is a banger baby. The bell rings and Kendrick is firing himself up. He gets a running start and rushes Umaga, but gets caught with a big old shoulderblock. Umaga continues the assault with punches that Brian bumps for. A reminder that the easiest way for a wimpy to make a guy look good is to bump on the punches. It's basic stuff. Umaga Kills Kendrick with a chop. Given Brian's recent troubles I'm just glad chop starts with a c and not a K. Umaga goes for a HUGE SPLASH in the corner, but Brian moves and Umaga the post. This is the Umaga experience right here, as that was a big old move by the angry Samoan. GREAT KHALI AIN'T DOING THAT SHIT. Kendrick sees an opening and unloads with kicks to Umaga's thighs and chest. Umaga is trying to eat them ( not literally, luckily gimmick wasn't that racist), but eventually Umaga needs to shove off Kendrick as Kendrick's attack is working. Umaga catches a kick and flips Kendrick, but Kendrick lands on his feet. He tries to use that momentary advantage but is caught by a throat thrust and his hopes appear dashed. Umaga is shaking off his legs to regain feeling, because Umaga rules and even though he's killing Brian he's putting over that Brian did actual damage to him. GIANT GONZALES WASNT DOING THAT SHIT. Umaga gets Kendrick in the corner in a tree of woe and GOES FOR A RUNNING HEADBUT BUT KENDRICK SITS UP AND UMAGA WHIFFS. Kendrick climbs the top rope and a big missile dropkick from the top staggers Umaga. Kendrick hits the ropes and a flying forearm staggers Umaga again. A dropkick and an enziguri and Umaga still teetering and tottering. Kendrick needs more speed so he hits the ropes as hard as he can, ducks a clothesline from Umaga and comes full force but UMAGA THROWS HIM IN THE AIR AND SAMOAN DROPS HIM. UMAGA SLAMS HIM WITH SUCH FORCE THAT HE ALMOST SPIKES HIMSELF. Umaga ends up almost completely vertical, holy shit. ABSURD. Umaga staggers around recovering from nearly breaking his neck, then shifts focus back to Kendrick and decides to break his spirit. Umaga grabs a hold and TOSSIES KENDRICK IN THE AIR FOR THE SAMOAN SPIKE AND THE WIN.
This is a banger..... an absolute banger. This doesn't quite make Hall of Fame, only because this is the first Umaga match and I suspect there may be some better ones out there, but this is an absolute gem of a match. If I wasn't convinced Umaga was the goat monster than I sure as hell am now. Although technically Baphomat is the goat monster, so I'll rephrase. Umaga is the Best Monster of All Time.
Hail Umaga
TLDR Review
Umaga is a Goat. Kendrick is a sacrificial lamb. Beef, its what's for dinner
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