Bill Kazmaier vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker WCW Pro 09-07-1991
I loved The World's Strongest Man Competitions
I never knew when they were going to be on, but any Sunday afternoon they showed up on ESPN 2 was a great Sunday afternoon. Believe me, it was always a Sunday afternoon for some reason My dad loved it too, so whenever one of us stumbled upon it we had to make sure to let the other one know. For me the appeal was obvious, big massive adults lifting big things. What could be better? I think for my dad, the appeal was he probably thought if he really tried he could do it too. The male ego is something else guys. I love my dad, but on more than one occasion he would veer into Uncle Rico " Bet you I could throw a football over those mountains" territory. As I got older it seemed like it was one of those things nobody else knew about. Until one night at a party my friends someone threw out a reference to it, and we started talking about it. I never had said Magnus Ver Magnusson out loud before that night. It was a blast. Finally, by the end of the night we were just drunk and pretending everything was an atlas stone. If you needed a beer, it was a guaranteed someone was going to do the Atlas Stone shuffle with a Bud Light for you. So suffice to say, I love the World's Strongest Man
But god World's Strongest Man wrestlers suck.
I know I know, I can't say all of them suck. Only a Sith deals in absolutes. Only a loser says only a Sith deals in absolutes. There have been wrestlers known for their strength who weren't that bad, but most of them are awful. Just take a trip down wrestling history and you'll find that the wrestlers who's whole gimmick is that they are strong, are not strong at in-ring ability. Tonight, we test that theory to the test with Bill Kazmaier.
Bill Kazmaier is one of, if that the greatest World's Strongest Man competitors. He also is doing a number on my spellcheck in this entry. He won the World's Strongest Man three years in a row, a feat which I don't think anyone has matched. Others have won more titles, but nobody has ever done it three straight years. He won the early 80s World's Strong Man competitions which are super fun and cheap and I'm pretty sure one of them was just filmed at someone's house in the woods. To say Bill Kazmaier is a big son of a bitch would be an understatement, he is massive. I get why WCW took a shot on Kazmaier, who at this point has been wrestling a couple years. Let's see if it pays off
Tonight it's WCW Pro and Bill Kazmaier's opponent is St Buddy Lee Parker. Parker was a perennial WCW jobber who also was put in charge of their training facility because WCW everybody. Buddy was part of the tag team The State Patrol who I think were evil Highway Patrolmen? Bill Kazmaier is out in his USA tights and he is just a shit brickhouse. Holy crap. Kazmaier doesn't wear wrist-tape or elbow pads, which is red flag number one. I don't know why, but any wrestler in tights who doesn't have anything on their arms looks weird. It's not always the case, but it's usually a red flag that you stink. Kazmaier's name is spelt Kazmyer, because I repeat, WCW everybody. The match underway and Kazmaier useshis strength to push around Buddy Lee Parker. Obviously Buddy is going to oversell anything anyways, but it looks sillier because Kazmaier is very slow. As much as I love the World's Strongest Men competitors, they are not known for the speed. Kazmaier with some usual big guy offense and a ...sigh....armlock. He does get Buddy bouncing into the ropes and does a duck down before lifting Buddy into a Gorilla Press Slam. He walks Buddy around and tosses him across the ring. That was actually good. More throwing people please. He then hits a clothesline. Well I don't know if hits as much as runs at Buddy who just makes him look good. Buddy tries to mount a comeback, but Kazmaier uses his strength to escape and gets Buddy in a hammerlock before a big slam. Kazmaier gets Buddy in a bearhug before Buddy rakes the eyes. He tries to push Kazmaier, but Kazmaier moves a little bit and something went wrong there. This is very very boring. Kazmaier finally shoves off Parker and hits him with a powerslam for the win. Oh boy
This sucked. I love the World's Strongest Man, but the World's Strongest Man Wrestling gimmick is just all the same. The only times it's ever really worked are when someone like Mark Henry brings charisma to everything. Other than that it's always the same moves. Press Slams, Powerslams, Tests of Strength, etc etc. As far as Strongman competitions, Kazmaier rules. In ring though, he's not very good
Now if You'll excuse me I have to go Atlas Stone Shimmy a White Claw to a friend
TLDR Review
The World's Strongest Man's Strong Suit isn't Wrestling. Was The State Patrol a knockoff of Chips? Mmmmm Chips/
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