Ken Patera vs "Judo" Joe Black WWF Championship Wrestling 4-16-1985
One of my fears of this blog is that sometimes it might end off coming across too repetitive. That there'd be too many matches that are just Giant guy kills little guy with a link to a YouTube channel filled with erotic Musclebear comments. Make no mistake, there will be plenty of those on this blog, but I just tried to be optimistic that the whole blog won't just become that
Meet "Judo" Joe Black
This Joe Black does share similarities to the the Brad Pitt character of the same name, in that his performance shares the grace of a man being hit by multiple vehicles. A lot of these squash matches will make this list because of either the superstar doing the squashing delivering and absurd moveset or maybe some combo of a superstar and a wimpy actively participating in their own demise. This is the rare instance of a match being all jobber. Not only am I not sure if Judo Joe was trained before this match, I'm not entirely sure he's seen a professional wrestling match before. Aside from the fact he looks like a gentleman who signed up to a mall karate dojo without realizing it's meant for training, everything he does just scream absolute wimpy.
From the jump everything Judo Joe does looks off. His lockup was done with the intensity of an apathetic teenager at a family reunion. Then he begins to attempt to chain wrestle and well, I had too many jokes for this part so here's a short list of jokes about how I'd describe his chain wrestling.
Like World of Sport if the Sport was " Best Recreation of Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks"
You know that Lyric in that Ludacris song that goes " Our time and our clothes got to coordinate?" The opposite of that
Like Grace under fire. By that I mean the working conditions of Brett Butler's 1990s sitcom
I think reading this blog entry will take you longer than actually watching the match. Well guess what, I don't care ,you're getting the whole play by play of this match . This stuff needs to be written down for future generations to find . JK, Climate Change will kill us all by then. This blog is our generation's Library of Alexandria.
Patera then bring Joe to the ropes to choke them which causes Joe to bounce off onto his knees for some reason? Finally we get to my personal favorite moment. Ken begins banging Joe's head against the buckles in which Joe bounces up and flat onto his stomach. It is so unnatural and ridiculous looking than even Ken Patera seems to be having an out of body experience. I believe at this point Ken was still waiting to see what the legal repercussions of the McDonalds incident would be. It's the only logical explanation as to why he didn't toss Joe through another window. I think Joe is trying to make Ken look good, but is accidently making him look awful. I wouldn't compare Judo Joe to "Wildfire" Tommy Rich but I would compare him to "Wildfire" Tommy Wiseau. He set out to make something amazing, but instead made something amazingly bad.
Patera tosses Judo with a bodyslam while Joe lands on his shoulder and at this point I almost feel bad. Almost.
Judo Joe is the physical manifestation of "I can't even adult" today.
Don't talk to me until I had my morning wine. Joe climbs the top rope and Ken tosses him off and it looks ok. I mean it isn't great, but compared to what came previously it's a miracle. Then Ken hits the rope and drops and elbow on Joe who sells by NOT MOVING AT ALL. After a whole match of unnecessary bumping and spazzing out , Judo takes the finish by standing perfectly still. Judo Joe is a mystery wrapped in an enigma inside a gi.
This isn't good which makes it so great. 90 seconds of chaos. This is Troll 2 of squashes and for that it makes My Hall of Fame. Must be seen to be believed
TLDR Review
Hahahahahah. Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha
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