The Patriot vs Koko Ware CWA Memphis Wrestling 02-01-1986
The first wrestling show I have any memory of attending was in the Middleboro High School Gym in probably 1993. I say probably because as far as the internet is concerned this show didn't happen. I've tried to figure out the date and the card, and hell even to make sure it was in Middleboro but there's nothing go off of. There are moments from it I am not sure happened, like for some reason I thought WCW guys were on it including El Gigante. That can't be right. There was a firefighter gimmick maybe? I don't know. Honestly it all sounds like a fever dream. The only way I know it happened for sure is the main event
Koko B Ware vs The Tazmaniac.
The rest of the night is hazy except for that main event. Tazmaniac scared the crap out of my cousin and I so much we crawled up the bleachers, lest he makes a break for it and goes full Cannibal Buress on us. They say you can't eat human flesh and i say yes I can cannibal. Who could possibly stop the Tazmaniac?
The Birdman, that's fucking who.
Koko B Ware of all those who stand in his way because he will dropkick your head off. I can't tell you what happens during the match other than Koko won and my dad and I went down to ringside. Then in a moment that has stayed burned in my brain for thirty years ( and probably cemented my love of pro wrestling), Koko B Ware pointed and motioned for me to step inside the ring.
And I did the bird dance with Koko B Ware
It's hard to say my life hit an apex at five years old, but I never did the bird dance with Koko B Ware at 15 or 21 or 33, but at five years old there I was in a wrestling ring dancing with a goddamn star. From that moment on I have been a staunch Koko B Ware defender. When people laughed about him going into the WWE Hall of Fame I pointed out " ITS ABOUT PUTTING SMILES ON FACES AND HE PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE SO THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY SAYS PUT HIM IN". I don't know Koko other than that moment, but I have a para-social relationship with nostalgia so I decided Koko B Ware is a saint of a human being. So, now having viewed this match I have to ask w
Why is Koko so mad here?
This is a fairly legendary squash match , but for those who aren't aware let's set the scene. Koko B Ware's opponent tonight in this CWA Memphis Wrestling bout is a gentleman named The Masked Patriot. I can't tell if the Masked Patriot is a big guy or just bigger compared to Koko, but he definitely has a lot of size on him. Patriot wins the lockup and pushes Koko in the corner and gets off a chop.
That's when it all goes wrong.
Koko BEATS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF HIM including with THE MOST BRUTAL CLOTHESLINE I HAVE EVER SEEN. The sound of him clotheslining The Masked Patriot is enough to bring Stan Hansen to half-mast. It's not even over yet, because then Koko continues to kick the shit out of him. I'm not kidding. That isn't a metaphor. He is just kicking him as hard as he can. It definitely reaches " Stop Stop he's already dead territory" very quickly. Somehow Koko's legendarily brutal Brainbuster is the safest move in the match and even that is kind of scary. Koko gets the pin and the match is over. Oh I'm sorry let me check my notes again, Koko gets the pin SLAPS THE MASKED PATRIOT ACROSS HIS FACE, and then the match is over.
Over the years there's been theories about why Koko decided that this gentleman needed to be destroyed. There was a theory he said something racist, that he worked too stiff, that he worked outlaw promotions, that Jimmy Buffett was overrated ( bit of a reach to do a parrothead joke), The rumors have flown over the years. I know Koko went on Hannibal's ( not Burress) podcast to explain it, but call me Fleetwood Mac because I don't want to know. Shit, I should have used the Fleetwood Mac joke when I talked about Rumors flying. Just pretend I did. If I have to wager a guess, and I think I got a pretty good one, the reason why Koko B Ware beat up The Masked Patriot is obvious
The Masked Patriot must have told Koko not to do the bird dance with me.
Duh
TLDR REVIEW
My life peaked at 5. The Masked Patriot's life ended in this match. Koko deserves WWE and Squash Hall of Fame
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.