Tommy Angel vs Yoshi Kwan WCW Saturday Night 06-09-1993
I was a little scaredy-cat as a child.
I had a birthday at a knock-off Chuck E Cheese called "Grin 'N' Bear It" ( I need to pause for a second and appreciate that pun. ), and as part of the deal I got to go into the ticket booth. I'm pretty sure ticket booths only existed before the millennium. Y2K bugs shut them down. So basically you went inside this booth and tickets would fly everywhere and you had to get them. Fun for most children, an absolute terror for me. I was such an anxious child, so I can only assume I was going to be sucked into the ticket machine or something and my parents would have to redeem my corpse for like a kazoo or fingertrap. That's just how I was, I just would create some lore out of thin air that would end in my own demise. When spree killer Andrew Cunanan was on the run, I convinced myself he was going to drive to my small town and kill me. When my father told me that he was a Florida, I reminded him that that was two days ago and it only takes two days to drive from Disney to Massachusetts. WE JUST DID IT LAST SPRING DAD YOU IDIOT.
Then there was the aliens thing.
I watched far too many episodes of Sightings or Unsolved Mysteries or something, because it became my obsession and my fear. I would read books about it constantly, but then scare myself into staying up all night. Many a night was spent convinced I was going to be abducted. Everytime I would start to put it behind me and kick the habit something would trigger it. I don't know what asshole at UPN greenlight "Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County", but they can kiss the fattest part of my ass. Even typing that title out means I'm going to lose a little bit of sleep tonight. It's basically a made for tv version of Blair Witch, but with aliens. Its not good, its cheesy, and it still bothers me to watch. But, that's because
I was a scaredy-cat as a child
Wrestling though was different. Even though I was scared of so much, wrestling very rarely scared me. The only stuff that scared me was the stuff that all kids were scared of. Papa Shango, The Undertaker dying at Royal Rumble 94, Yoshi Kwan.
Wait , you weren't terrified of Yoshi Kwan?
I mean I'm terrified now of the racial implication of Yoshi, but at the time I was just regular terrified. The blame can be fully put on Bill Apter and Pro Wrestling Illustrated. I don't know what edition, or even if it was covering his time in WCW, but all I know is Yoshi Kwan had a machete and was carving a guy's head up with it. Who knows if it's more little kid lore, but I have that image burned into my head. I don't know who this guy was, but he was going to kill that guy! And then.....I never saw a match. He became one of the wrestlers that as I got older I sort of wondered if I made up. Like if my imaginary friends was a what guy pretending to be an evil Karate master. Nope. He's very real and very racist and very much in a squash match.
Yoshi Kwan is played by professional wrestler Chris Champion. I've dropped it before, but in case it isn't obvious this gimmick is ...yikes. I believe the term is Cultural Inappropriation. I'm going to stop referencing it for the rest of this,.....ok wait one more.
Yikes
Yoshi's opponent in this match is Tommy Angel .Yoshi starts off with martial arts posing. I will say this, Yoshi is very unique in a good way. His moves and strikes are different than a lot of other wrestlers I've seen. At one point he sort of climbs Tommy's back and rolls over with an armdrag in a movie I don't think I've ever seen before. Other than that it's lots of kicks and strikes and martial arts poses. The finish comes with a weird nerve hold that makes Tommy Angel pass out and Yoshi Kwan is the winner.
This isn't anything special, but there's something there. I think if Yoshi's stuff connected better than it would be a great squash match. It just doesn't look good when it barely hits Angel. I think the unique movements of the character made it hard for Angel to take the offense , but maybe Yoshi will pop up in another edition and we will find out if it was Anel or Yoshi. I did it guys, I faced my fear and watched Yoshi Kwan and I can't believe he was scary. The only thing scary about Yoshi Kwan is that this gimmick got on Television in 1993. I faced my fear. It's time to conquer another one.
Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County Here I come
On second thought, I think it's a good night to sleep with the lights on. And a bat.
TLDR Review
Yoshi. Yikes. Yes I had trouble sleeping that night I wrote this.
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.