Sheamus vs Jamie Noble WWE Monday Night RAW 11-02-2009
Everyone came around on Sheamus right?
I'm not as up to date as what the kids are talking about when it comes to wrestling these days. Best evidenced by the fact that I started a blog in 2022. I expect to finally make a tiktok in 2033, when the clock has long struck midnight on its relevance. Much like the pachyderm who still uses a flip phone, I sometimes feel Irrelephant. So maybe I'm not with it anymore, but it's not my fault they changed what it was. What it used to be, was that Sheamus was not a well-liked wrestler. He ,fairly or not, was someone the fans just hated. Not because of his abilities as a heel, but because they thought he wasn't good in the ring. People thought he was just another muscle boy turned pro wrestler. Right off the bat he got the dreaded, he's a Triple H guy stink. Before Triple H rebranded with NXT and the genius idea to hire actual wrestlers, his endorsement was a kiss of death for a certain type of wrestling fan. Somehow word got out Sheamus was "Triple H's workout buddy", so before even seeing a second of him wrestle, we thought he sucked. He also got a incredible push, as within a few weeks of joining RAW from ECW, he wins the world title over John Cena. Holy Crap that was fast. There was also that time he switched to the mohawk and the crowd mocked him for looking stupid. Yikes. Lastly, the incident that I think took years for Sheamus to fully recover. He beat Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania in 7 seconds. Yeah ,Yeah, I know it worked out for Daniel in the end. At the time, I couldn't ever see making chicken salad out of that chicken shit.
Because it wasn't just chicken shit, it was bullshit
It's not really Sheamus' fault, but all those incidents represented something bigger. Sheamus represented the WWE mindset, and a lot of us mindfucked ourselves into thinking Sheamus was bad. The secret tragedy of all it was Sheamus was really really good. Now as a face, he can be a bit corny. As a heel, he can be a bit annoying. In the ring though? Sheamus can fucking go. Like I said, I'm not entirely sure if and when the narrative shifted, but I think for a lot of people it was the Cesaro feud. That's when people were able to see what some of us knew a long time ago, that Sheamus was king of the WWE hosses. A lot of Sheamus early WWE run stuff is still very, very fun though . He's a big Irish pasty son of a bitch hitting people incredibly hard. That's how I thought my life would turn out. I'm pretty sure I put that in my yearbook as my future plans. I'm not as big as I thought I would be and my skin pigment finally learned how to tan, but I can live vicariously through Sheamus.
And die vicariously through Jamie Noble
It's a 2009 episode of Monday Night Raw, and you can tell it's 2009 BECAUSE HD STILL LOOKS WEIRD. Sheamus' pasty ass picked a hell of a time to get a debut, as I can only imagine the amount of refracted light on our bad 2008 HDTVs. Sheamus had debuted in WWE proper as a part of the ECW roster, but this match was part of his first few weeks as a member RAW. At this point, the fix was in and it was pretty clear that Sheamus was about to get a big old push. I don't think anyone expected this though. His opponent tonight is Jamie Noble, who appeared on our blog in another entry but not in the victim role. For the past few weeks Sheamus has been victimizing Jamie Noble, and tonight is the last chapter in that feud. Feud is a strong word for something so one-sided. Let's call it, last chapter in the book title " Please stop rogue kicking me, I don't want CTE" by James Noble with Stephen King. Stephen King ghostwrote it, because Sheamus killed Jamie and Jamie now haunts the bowels of the arena. Before the match Sheamus tells us he's going to end Jamie Noble's career
I know wrestlers who use subtext and their all cowards.
When the match starts, Sheamus throws a big forearm right away that takes Jamie down. The size difference is absolutely massive here. Sheamus whips Jamie into the turnbuckles who takes THE BRET BUCKLE BUMP. That's how I know you're getting someone over strong if you take the front buckle baby. With Jamie down, Sheamus delivers knee after knee. Jamie tries to escape, but Sheamus posts him. Speaking of posting, I posted a new song on my MySpace page by Mike Posner.
I did warn you I was irrelephant.
Sheamus is still continuing the assault back in the ring, not even giving Jamie a chance to get fully to his feet before he hits a clothesline to the back. He rakes Jamie in the eyes in the ropes and then drags him back to the ring. This becomes a horror movie at this point. Sheamus drops elbows to the top of Jamie's head, while Jamie lets out horrible screams of pain. The screams get louder and more disturbing, especially when Sheamus hits him with a half nelson backbreaker. I've so rarely seen someone who sells by screaming in absolute agony. Jamie finally back to his feet and hit with a Brogue kick. Sheamus for the cover, but Jamie just moves his leg. He doesnt kick out, he just moves his leg and this incenses Sheamus who decides Jamie needs more punishment. He gets Jamie in the corner and throws forerarm after foprearm. The referee tries to break it up, but Sheamus keeps coming after him. Finally the referee decides Jamie has had enough and calls the match for Sheamus.
Sheamus didn't hear no bell. I mean, maybe he heard it but he's not done.
He gets Jamie on the top turnbuckle and brogue kicks Jamie so that he tumbles to the outside. What happens next is an all-time squash moment. I could write a beautiful tale of the next moment using similes and metaphors, I never metaphor I didn't like. I could wax poetically about the historical context of Sheamus actions as compared to great Irish poets. Or I can be honest and tell you what happened.
Sheamus powerbombs the fuck out of jamie Noble on the outside.
The powerbomb itself is devastating, but Jamie Noble deserves an Emmy for his acting performance. The horrifying noises that Jamie makes as he is in near tears are chilling. You remember when you would fall off your bike as a kid and the sounds of pain you'd make? It's that on steroids. Literally steroids because it's Jamie Noble. Jamie gets carted out, but don't worry because he's back....never. He's never back. This is his retirement match until he became a Seth Rollins sidekick like 10 years later. This is basically his last match, hell of a way to go out
I went back and forth and ultimately this has to be in the Hall of Fame based on the combined efforts of Sheamus and Jamie. Usually the hall of fame features either a wrestler killing a wimpy especially well or the wimpy being especially well at being killed. This match though was a perfect combo. Sheamus delivered the good on being an absolute sadistic monster. Jamie also ended his career by putting over someone as strongly as humanly possible. The screams of horror from Jamie throughout this match as something to behold. This match gets to the point, and it becomes almost a snuff film. It's great and so I have to check
We all came around on Sheamus right?
TLDR Review
Jamie deserves an Emmy. Sheamus deserves a prison sentence. I've never ate chicken salad.
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