Yokozuna vs Rich Myers WWF Superstars 12-19-1992
Do you remember the first wrestler you hated?
So much has been written about who the first wrestler you ever loved, but I think that's only part of the equation. All of us have the warm and fuzzies for the wrestler we consider "Our Guy" from when we were a kid. Whether it be Bret Hart or someone who isn't as good, everyone else, there is always someone we associate with our childhood wrestling. But that is just part of the story. Every Kaine needs a D-Rock. Thats the name of the Ying Yang Twins. Jokes work best when you have to explain it. Every hero needs a villain, and so it only makes sense if you love the hero then you will hate the villain. While Bret Hart had many worthy adversaries in pro wrestling, there is one that stood out in my mind as the most diabolical of them all.
That fucking piece of shit Yokozuna
There's no way I would have actually thought the phrase "fucking piece of shit" back in 1993, but the spirit of that thought existed in my mind. I probably would have verbalized it that Yokozuna " was a real jerk" or " a mean man" or " a friggin piece of crap". I'm gonna put money on da third one. I didn't hate Yokozuna because he was "Japanese" or because he was too big. I hated him because Yokozuna is the only wrestler that ever made me a cry. A record that will stand unless Eddie Kingston ever wins the AEW title. Whereas my tears for Eddie would be ones of joy, Yokozuna was one of despondence. When Yoko beat Bret for the title at Wrestlemania 9, my heart sank. It was the first time in my life something hadn't gone my way. I was 5 years old, I didn't know that life has a habit of beating you down. I actually relived this moment at an NXT show a few years ago. Adam Cole had beaten Johnny Gargano for the NXT title, and as we were leaving I noticed a young boy. The kid was dressed like Johnny and was being consoled by his father while he sobbed. In that moment memories flooded my brain and suddently I was back in 1993 sitting on my aunt's couch crying. I watched someone else feel the same sadness I have felt. The first time you realize the good guys don't always win in pro wrestling ,or life really, is a shot to the gut. A lot of that night in 1993 is a blur. I don't even remember that bald piece of shit Hulk Hogan swooping in for the glory, all I remember is sadness. Not only did Yoko win, BUT HE CHEATED. ITS ALREADY UNFAIR HES SO BIG! This is also how I feel as a Celtics fan when we play Giannis. Well at least Hogan got the belt I guess, but oh no YOKO CHEATED AGAIN AND PAID A PHOTOGRAPHER TO SHOOT A FIREBALL AT HIM. GODDAMNIT. I got on board with any babyface that wanted to take down Yoko, but they all failed. Don't get me wrong I was still a Bret guy, but we had important things to worry about now. Someone needed to avenge the hitman. They all fell short, the size of Yokozuna was too much. He also murdered The Undertaker. That's something that happened too. I think that probably played a factor in how pissy I was about him. Eventually like all great villains, he had to be dispatched and this time it was by the first hero he conquered. Bret Hart beat Yoko for the title one year after losing it, because of one simple reason , he's Bret Hart. I don't still hate Yokozuna, in fact I think he's great. The benefit of knowing wrestling isn't real is that I don't have to hold onto those grudges. It just means Yokzuna was great as his job. It's fucked up his job made me cry, but he's just like the guy at Busch Gardens who made me spaz out crying when he asked if I wanted to see a dead rat.
He's commited to his craft
And I'm commited to quality squash match action, so let's travel back to 1992 before Yokozuna ever made me cry. At this point he's just a big meaty slab of man on WWF Superstars preparing to take on Rich Myers. This is the classic Yokozuna look . He originally debuted with Red and White gear, but it always looks weird when I see him in that attire. This is the Red and Black Yokozuna I hated, but grew to love. Wolfpac Yoko. Yokozuna is of course accompanied by Mr. Fuji. His opponent Rich Myers has yet another incredible wimpy mullet, and another incredibly unflattering singlet. The camera work on this is great, as they don't even get Yokozuna entirely in frame. Instead they just show his giant ass in the shot while Rich Myers looks on in fear.
Yokozuna is a PAWG
Pretty Awesome Wrestling Guy.
Myers rushes Yoko who catches him with THE BIGGEST GERMAN SUPLEX IVE EVER SEEN. I've never in my life seen anyone get that much airtime. What makes it even better, is Myers doesn't land on his head. Either Yoko or Myers adjusts so that despite flying in the air, Myers lands pretty clean. Super impressive. Hell of a start. Myers is already basically dead, and then Yokozuna drops a leg to the back of his head and now Myers is all the way dead. Big slam by Yoko as the camera cuts to Fuji loving it. I got to say, I think having a manager in a squash match is a huge advantage. It allows the camera to find someone to cut to to fill the dead air of the match. I'm going to run a report about this. I do excel at Excel. Myers in the corner and Yoko unleashing sumo strikes because he's a sumo wrestler. I honestly never remembered him doing that offense, but it's pretty rad. Yoko whips Myers into the corner, and the crowd slowly realizes what he has planned. Yoko across the ring and ASS FIRST SPLASH INTO THE CORNER. Eat shit Nikita Lyons. Yoko hits a clothesline and Myers conveniently falls near the corner. Yoko climbs the top and signals for the Banzai Drop. The great thing about Yoko squash matches is that the Bonzai Drop can look really safe or really ....unsafe isn't the right word. What I mean is, sometimes it looks like it fucking killed someone. Banzai Drops are like a box of chocolates, you never known what you're gonna get. Luckily for Rich Myers, he got a normal Bonzai drop and Yokozuna gets the win
Yokozuna will be showing up a lot on this blog for sure. This match barely scratched the surface on just how good Yoko could be. A super heavy weight who moves like a heavy weight. I found a conversion chart in the back of a notebook, so I know for a fact that analogy tracks. Great, quick squash match worth seeing. I can't stress enough how lucky Rich Myers was that that German Suplex ended up ok. It's one of the craziest moves I've ever seen. So here's to you Yoko, great squash match
You fucking piece of shit
TLDR Review
Yoko made me cry. Yoko made Rich Fly. I think that NXT show was Johnny Gargano kid's villain origin story
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