Salvatore Sincere vs Dan Jesser WWF Superstars 07-06-1996
If I was near a radio on a Sunday Night I was putting on the Emerson College radio station
I'm so old I remember when radio was still something people listened too....on purpose. Now the radio only comes on when I can't stream music or podcasts. But back in the 2000s, the radio was a lifeline. I have fond memories of going to bed listening to WFNX, the alternative rock station or WBCN, the.... I guess regular rock station. By the time everyone started getting their licenses, there was a lot of driving around and fumbling through the radio looking for something to listen to. Sure we had CDs and some of us even had iPods, but where's the fun in that. I quickly discovered that every Sunday Night, I had to tune into the Emerson College radio station. That was where I would discover new music. That's where I would discover new songs. Because every Sunday Night from 5 to 8, WERS wouldn't be WERS anymore. WERS would transform from just a simple college radio station to a playground.
It played only kid's music. There isn't a metaphor. It was literally the playground
Like a more childish version of Dr Demento, WERS' "The Playground" was the campus DJs playing kids music and telling corny jokes for three hours. Some of it was dreadful. I had to sit through more than my fair share of Hannah Montana songs. Who am I kidding, those songs were fire. Miley Cyrus aside, the modern Disney stuff they played was not my cup of tea. What really made me stick around, was the obscure stuff they'd play. I mean, there's only so many kids songs that aren't Disney and The Playground had to take what they could get. That's where you'd find out Cheech Marin had a kid's album where he basically did The Magic School Bus as a concept album. That's how you find out John Lithgow sang a song about manatees.
That's where you find Shaddap Your Face
Written by Joe Dolce, Shaddap your Face is one of the dumbest songs ever written. Also ,one of the best. Released in the 1980s, the song is about a shithead Italian boy and he's mother who is telling him to shut up his face. It preceded the Tony and Liv Soprano relationship by about two decades. It went to number 1 in numerous countries and made the top 100 here in the states. So why do I bring up this borderline obscure novelty song
Because knowing how on the pulse of pop culture Vince McMahon is, there is no way he didn't hear this song in 1996 and decide to make Salvatore Sincere based on it. Vince is notoriously out of touch. Hall and Oates style. Not their music, their song called "Out of Touch". Though if I have to explain the Hall and Oates reference, maybe I'm so out of touch. No, it's the children that are wrong. Anyways, back to shitting on Vince. Whether it be because of Shaddap your Face or he was still pissy at Bruno Sammartino or because he just found out about the 1921 Sacco and Vanzetti trial, Vince decided that what the WWF New Generation needed was a insincere Italian heel. He told his writers name him something like Salvatore Sincere, only more proactive.
So Salvatore Sincere good with everyone?
Let's journey back to a 1996 edition of WWF Superstars to see Salvatore Sincere in action as he takes on Dan Jesser. Salvatore Sincere is played by that jobber Tom Brandi, a professional wrestler more infamous for his outside the ring activities than his in ring career. Not in a sex pest way. Brandi is just the carniest of carny, and personally I love it. This is a dude who mastered the art of working double gimmicks on shows to get the double pay day. He also is the source of my favorite YouTube Video, a montage someone made of Tom Brandi's career set to "I Made It" by Kevin Rudolf. Salvatore is out to his super Italian theme music which I assume was recorded by an Organ grinder with a pet monkey. Maybe I'm out of touch on 90s Italian fashion, but I find it odd the Super Italian heel's attire is a fedora and a pink and white jacket. I do not find it out Dan Jesser's outfit is a Zubaz singlet. He actually looks like a Dollar Store Version of Rob Van Dam. Salvatore Sincere gets on the microphone and let's everyone know he loves him. Oh I didn't type it in the proper pronunciation.
He realla realla loves alla of youa.
This might be the worst fake Italian accent of all time. Lady Gaga in House of Gucci was catching strays for no reason. Those people would have been pissed at Tom Brandi .For some reason a fan in the front row yells at Sal to "Go fight Goldust". The crowd doesn't seem to trust that Sal actually loves them. Wait is Salvatore Sincere actually INSINCERE. Oh my god, what a twist. As JR plugs the Superstar Line, Sal backs Jesser into the corner. He teases a clean break, but then taps Dan Jesser on the face rather emasculatingly and then starts driving knees into his gut. He then follows with a big chop and a slam. Salvatore Sincere then climbs the top rope and Sincerely blows kisses to the crowd before dropping a NICE ELBOW. Wait is Salvatore Sincere actually good? Jesser able to counter Sincere with a boot and Jesser climbs the top rope. HE COMES OFF WITH A FLYING AXEHANDLE DEFINITELY A MOVE HE WAS GOING TO HIT, but Salvatore hits him in the stomach. Jesser DOES NOT do a flip bump off that, aka I have now decided Jesser fucking sucks. Sincere then hits a Russian Leg sweep, or I guess an Italian leg sweep? It looks really crisp and it transitions nicely into Salvatore taunting Jesser by playing with his ponytail. Sill playing with it .Ok, this is getting on a bit too long with the hair playing. This is getting weird Sal. Sal then hits his finisher, a Full Nelson Slam called Sincerely Yours for the Win.
What a surprise. I always assumed Salvatore Sincere was trash, but I had a lot of fun with this. This gimmick wasn't nearly as bad as I was led to believe, and I had a lot of fun. Obviously it had a ceiling, but other than the horrible accent Tom Brandi was great as Salvatore. Maybe it didn't translate outside of squash matches, but not my problem. All I'm saying is some redneck nerd in a bowling shirt ever tells you Salvatore Sincere sucked, you tell them this.
Shaddap Your face
TLDR Review
Oh Radio tell me all the kids songs you know. I sincerely enjoy Salvatore Sincere. Dan Jesser is the worst wrestler ever ......according to the rules I just made up
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.