Test vs. Bill Yates WWF Jakked 06-02-2001
Test has probably the weirdest debut in wrestling.
People will immediately go to The Shockmaster or Gobbledy Gooker, but I said the weirdest not the worst. Coming out of an egg is pretty weird, but I'd argue debuting as Motley Crue's bodyguard...in 1998... On Sunday Night Heat.....while they're promoting their classic album Generation Swine.
That debut sounds like the Mad Libs of someone who lacks imagination.
He shows up, bounces some guy during the Motley Crue concert and then 2 weeks later he's in The Corporation. He is given the name Test because he either says Test ....Test, like a roadie or because you had to pass "The Test" or I swear someone said steroid test one. Either way, it's still debated heavily to this day, amongst people with literally nothing better to do. Test got a big push and a big romance angle with Stephanie McMahon of all people. All the piece were together for a big Test run, but it never came. Test solidly tapped out at the upper-midcard, but he never even got a sniff at a top guy run. You figure he would had gotten at least one, "Shit we need a heel opponent for this month...uhhhhh let's do an angle where Test left Austin's beer out and it's flat and Austin's mad". There's been theories and speculation about why Test never the full push. Some think he just didn't have the mic skills, some think he didn't have the in-ring ablity, some think he was a victim of the HHH reign of terror. I'm always going to say the third one. The HHH ruined everything is a great conspiracy theory because you can't disprove it and it doesn't end in anti-Semitism. Regardless of why it didn't happen, I think WWE did Test dirty. Test was an incredibly fun wrestler, and really agile for a big man. Plus, he had an eyebrow piercing and dudes with eyebrow piercings in 2001 were cool. The guy from Drowning Pool had a pierced eyebrow. Case Closed. Drowning Pool should have Test's theme, that was the missing piece. When I was a teenager I was a big Drowning Pool fan and a shitty little atheist so I thought my AIM screenname should reflect that...and it did.
DpownsJesus
I didn't get the joke I accidently made until I was legally able to drink. But regardless of accidental sexual innuendos by a young Ben, I stand by my support of Test. I think Test got the short end of the stick, and as a result he deserves to be re-examined by this blog. So let's travel back to June of 2001 and an episode of WWF Jakked. It was the 2000s and we had to spell everything with Ks and Zs, because we were so cool man. Tonight, probably literally tonight because Jakked aired at like 1AM where I'm from, Test will be taking on Billy Yates. Test out to the ring and this is my favorite era of Test, Greasy Leather Pants era. This entry already bordering on "Sexuality is a spectrum Ben" levels and it just started. At this time period, I'm pretty sure Test is what I thought a cool dude looked like. I am not sure I don't agree still .I believe this was taped in Canada so Test is super over . So over he hits the buckles and poses. A lockup and Test tosses Billy Yates across the ring, and Billy doing an almost double bump. Billy Yates is going to make Test look good in his hometown?....provience?...state?...Let's just go with Country. Yates throwing punches that Test is no selling, so Yates comes at Test but Test catches hmi with a tilt a whirl spinning slam. I'm not sure I've ever seen a slam quite like that before, it looked gnarly. Test drops Yates with a punch. A sure sign a jobber is doing everything they can to put over the main guy is if they take bumps off punches. It means they're doing literally everything they can. Test hits some corner clotheslines and then a gut wretch powerbomb. This is great. WHY THE FUCK IS HE NOT WORLD CHAMPION. I'm blaming WCW dying for this, this is some bullshit. Yates sneaks into the ropes to get away, causing Test to separate. When Test turns his nack Yates rushes him but Test backbody drops him out of the ring. Billy Yates is also awesome, WHY THE FUCK IS HE NOT WORLD CHAMPION. I'm blaming WCW dying for this, this is some bullshit. Yates is awesome in this. Test pulls Yates on the apron, but Yates guillotines Test. The wrestling move, not the French executioner device. Let them eat cake, but only if THEY STRAP UP TEST. Yates finally gets some offense and throws a punch , but Test catches him with a Full Nelson Slam. Just a regular run of the mill full nelson slam....welll....
EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE ALMOST BROKE BILLY YATES' NECK. HOLY SHIT
Billy Yates got so fucking high up that he is ABOVE Test. That's about 7 feet or so. That means when Test does the slam, he can't get a proper transition so it just ends with Yates landing on the back of his neck. Tt is fucking disgusting. I don't know how Yates is alive. I fucking love it. Somehow the match continues as Test whips Yates into the corner. Yates tries to post over Test. I say tries because it's probably the worst one I've ever seen in my life. Test has to basically army crawl underneath him to get by. I can't blame Yates though considering he just was murdered 30 seconds ago. Yates tries some more offense but Test catches him with THE BIG BOOT fo the win. Best Big Boot in wrestling history. Not a bit. Fight Me
Originally I wasn't going to put this in the Hall of Fame on first watch. But the combination of how over Test is mixed with how balls to the wall Billy Yates went made me reconsider. That Full Nelson Slam is one of the craziest moves I've ever seen and so I think I have to sneak this on. This is why I do this project, so I can find hidden gems like this and show them to the world. It's hard not to watch this and not get mad all over again Test never got a top guy run
TLDR Review
Strap up Test. Strap up Yates. Fuck HHH
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.