Shark Boy vs Abyss TNA Impact 06-04-04
Finally I get to talk about TNA on Fox Sports Network.
I know I've mentioned in at least one previous entry how much I loved TNA Impact on FSN and that I wanted to talk about it more. No time like the present, unless you're the Spice Girls and you're throwing some complicated Stephen Hawking Theory of Everything crap about if you want my future forget my past.
Sidebar, I dare you to re-watch the Wannabe video and not see how bored Posh Spice seems by the whole thing. Everyone is trying really really hard, except her.
Back to TNA. It's hard to remember exactly, but I knew I was aware of TNA's existence back in 2004. I was online enough where I had heard of TNA and read stuff about it, but none of it really registered. To me it was the company that ran weekly PPVS with Jeff Jarrett. However, when I found out TNA was going to be on FSN I was so excited. I was probably also the only person in the world excited it was a Friday afternoon. I have a younger brother and so after school I would have to go home and get him off the bus and...well that was basically it. I was a moody teenager so I'd just mope around and complain until my parents got home so I could see my friends.
I really was the absolute worst guys.
But now, now on Friday afternoons I could kickstart my weekend with some wrestling action? Not only that, but TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION? Hot Damn. Look I don't have a "first time I ever saw" TNA memoryother than thinking the whole presentation was super cool. People will debate the merits of the six-sided ring but it worked on me. At that point I was looking for anything different in my wrestling and that ring was it. Impact also had the timer in the upper corner which set it apart. Every match had a time-limit and if it ever went to a draw there would be a " roating guest judge" to decide the winner. Oh man, I could only imagine who they would get every week. Well....after like 2 months it was basically just Dusty Rhodes and Larry Zbysko trading off. But the intent was there. Believe it or not, the guest judges wasn't got me the most excited
It was The New Talent
See, I never watched the TNA weekly PPVs. At some point I did one of those .01 cent specials, and after Impact started airing I know I checked some out, but I had very small familiarity with TNA. Not every TNA Impact show featured every TNA talent, but this really fun thing would happen during the Impact shows. At the bottom of the screen, they would have results of the previous week's PPV. So you would just see names and then try to figure out, well who the hell is that? Who the hell are the Elite Guard and why are they mad at Road Dogg? Eventually the talent would show up and you'd put a face to the name, but until then you'd be left to wonder who they were So throughout this episode I was seeing names I recognized mixed with names I didn't.
Abyss? I wonder what Abyss is like
Well, let's find out. Because this edition of TNA Impact from 2004 is special because it is the FIRST edition of TNA Impact. We're in the Impact Zone as we have Abyss taking on Shark Boy. I don't remember thinking anything about Abyss other than, holy crap how is this guy not in WWE. That's probably not true. I was probably mean about it and said something snarky about how he looks like Mankind meets Kane. In my defense, that was his deal for a bit. But Abyss looked awesome, and he was very much a " where has this guy been all my life kind of deal". His opponent is Shark Boy, a personal favorite PWI 500 entry every year because his name is fucking Shark Boy. His name is Shark Boy, not Fucking Shark Boy....that's a whole other blog about weiners. Shark Boy grew into a perennial enhancement role in TNA so he gets the illustrious "circle back in a latter entry when Ben has 500 words to say about sharks", spot for now.
Shark Boy is out first and if there ever was a gimmick ahead of it's time, It's Shark Boy. It would definitely fit into the modern era of wrestling where having a character is a lot more important than doing backflips. Ideally it's a combo. Really just need someone's whos gimmick is they do backflips. They feud with someone who does front flips. They sell out The Cow Palace. Abyss is also out and obviously he looks awesome. He does have a random chain though, which is my favorite silly wrestling trope. It's usually done by a monster or a strong guy or a big Righteous Brothers fan. Grrr I'm so angry and now I have this metal thing that's gonna....be heavy on me...Grrr. All hokey wrestling shit aside, Abyss is a sight to be hold. He rushes Shark Boy right away, but Shark Boy able to get some punches off. Abyss is great at "little guy punching me and I'm registering that it's hurting me, but we all know how this'll end" stuff. That last thought was a real Michael Scott " sometime I start a sentence and hope I find it along the way" moment. Shark Boy tries to whip Abyss into the ropes, but no dice so Abyss goes for a chokeslam. Shark Boy bites the hand because HE IS SHARK BOY. A dropkick from Shark Boy sends Abyss into the corner. Shark Boy climbs the corner for a 10 punch, but Abyss tosses him off. Abyss rushes, but again Shark Boy counters with a knee facebuster. So far Abyss hasn't hit any offense, but only because Shark Boy is just a little quicker. This is how you keep the pace moving and have an interesting squash. we all know how it'll end, but it gives doubt. Picture in Picture shows Goldilocks watching the match and giving a Juliette Danielle-esque performance. I will offer zero context. Shark Boy climbs the top rope for a crossbody but Abyss catches him. Abyss lifts him up and press slams him down, but takes his arm and uses it to give Shark Boy just the little extra impact. Pun not intended. That's a lie. All Puns are intended here. Shark Boy in the corner and Abyss with A HUGE SPLASH. It looks devastating. Abyss looks for the Torture Rack backbreaker, but Shark Boy slips out. He ducks one clothesline, but on the second one gets caught in The BlackHole Slam. IT IS AWESOME. That's maybe my favorite underutilized finisher and Abyss gets Shark Boy super high up for it. Abyss with the win and post match Popeye cheers up Shark Boy and once again I will provide zero context
This is really fun and quick and I enjoyed it. It's a great introduction to both characters, and I cannot stress enough how much I love The Blackhole Slam as a finisher. Both men will be showing up on this blog, so we aren't quite ready to put it in the hall of fame yet. Let's see what else they can do
TLDR Review
Black Hole Slam > Black Hole sun. Shark Boy> Lava Girl. Context > King
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.