Ryback vs. Chris Lyons and Ryan Shelton WWE SmackDown 06-01-2012
Ryback is proof that tastes can change.
For so long, I was the stereotypical shitty "smart" wrestling fan. I hate to even phrase it that way, but I think it's the easiest way to indicate what I mean. I couldn't fathom a good match being under fifteen minutes long. Pro Wrestlers needed time to tell a story damnit, and I needed at least five minutes of pointless chain wrestling. I was all about technical wrestling and high flyers and long-term storytelling damnit. But as I got older, those walls came down. I found myself caring less and less about the moves and more about the characters. I still appreciated good wrestling, but there's nothing wrong with some variety in the diet. Like how now I eat broccoli instead of mac and cheese every day. At that point, I began to appreciate violence. Like how now I eat Chipotle sometimes even though it means I occasionally have to block out my afternoon for toilet reasons. I began to realize that my favorite wrestling is the kind where a dude looks like he's beating the shit out of the other guy. Simulated Violence mixed with, well probably a little bit of actual violence. That was my jam. I don't know when exactly I realized my tastes had changed so much, but I think I know when I knew for Sure
The Ryback
On paper, I should have hated Ryback. He was billed as Goldberg meets Ultimate Warrior but in RVD tights. That sounds like a worse combo than Combo Number 5, Lou Bega's lesser known hit for his Applebee's sponsorship. He first appeared on WWE programming under his real name, Ryan Reeves, in WWF Tough Enough. He first appeared to me on the RajahWWF forums when he posted as SilverbackRyanReeves, and attempted to sway as many votes as possible to himself by burying the other competitotrs. Given his kind of infamous social media weirdness nowadays, it certainly explains a lot. After some stop and starts developmental, Ryback debuted as part of season one of NXT. Of course he wasn't Ryback, he was Skip Sheffield ,The Corn Fed Meathead. It was ....not great. Skip in NXT was pretty unremarkable, but once the Nexus formed you could see the potential in Skip. He was built like an absolute monster and his clothesline was lethal. We will never see what Skip's run would have been, because he suffered an ankle injury early in The Nexxus. That may have been more of a blessing than a curse, because it allowed him time away while The Nexxus gimmick slowly faded. When he showed back up over a year later, he was now known as Ryback. Like I said, I should have hated Ryback, he represented what I thought I stood against in pro wrestling....but there's a simple factor I was missing
Ryback Rules
Ryback was a breath of fresh air, a throwback simple gimmick who only existed to destroy. I appreciate complex characters in wrestling, but sometimes it's nice when the gimmick is " Kick everyone's ass". It's simple and probably corny, but it stood out at this time. This is early on in the Ryback run, a run that escalated so quickly that by year's end he's in title matches against CM Punk and John Cena. Ryback had a frigging glow up man.
Tonight we hop into the time machine to WWE Smackdown in 2012, as Ryback is facing Chris Lyons and Ryan Shelton. When WWE is building a monster they have a squash match formula. First you beat one guy for a couple weeks, then it's two guys, and then if they're really serious about you they beat three guys. Past that, we are in uncharted territory. I know Scott Steiner beat up four guys once, and five guys is unheard of. I mean I've heard of the burger restaurant, but I've only seen five guys at Five Guys once. It's the only time I've believed in God. If you look up the word cannon fodder in the dictionary, it wouldn't be there because it's a phrase not a world. Anyways, Lyons and Shelton are what I imagine the visual representation of cannon fodder is. Lyons rushes Ryback who picks him up with ease. Shelton tries to rush Ryback as well, but Ryback gives him a This is Sparta kick all while still holding Lyons. While still walking around the ring, Ryback spins Lyons into a powerslam LIKE HE'S NOTHING. I'm so out of shape. Then he powerbombs the absolute shit out of Lyons before using him as a weapon to knock down Shelton. At least he didn't get powerbombed again. Nope, he did and it looked painful. I don't know if this is a Smackdown thing and they sweeten the audio, but I'm noticing Smackdown squashes are always more brutal than Raw ones. Shelton finally gets up and asks himself " Can it get any worse for me?". Excellent Question Shelton
Yes
Ryback with that nasty clothesline that sends Shelton flipping over. It looks super gnarly. Ryback still not done, he grabs Lyons and hits him with a spinning side effect. I want to point out, none of this is boring. There isn't wasted time. There aren't any restholds for no reason. It's how a squash match should be, Move Move Move. It's the Space Mutiny of matches. MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE. Ryback grabs Shelton and signals it's time for his Shell-Shock finisher, before he pauses. In what is a really fun moment, Ryback notices Lyons lying there, he somehow forgot about the man he murdered 15 seconds before, and decides one is just not enough. He grabs Lyons and lifts them both up for the Shellshock. Marching them both around the ring before hitting the Shellshock for the win.
Absolutely brutality. This is a great quick squash and I recommend it. Unfortunately not a hall of fame squash, just because it's the first of what will be many Ryback matches. I can promise you Ryback will make the hall of fame, it's just about finding the right one. God bless you Ryback
Sorry I didn't vote for you in Tough Enough
TLDR Review
Ryback Rules. Squash Matches Rule. RajahWWF rules.
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