Jake Roberts vs Dusty Wolfe WWF Superstars 09-05-1987
I've watched probably thousands of squash matches.
Not for the blog obviously, but over the years I've had to have seen at least 4 digits worth of wimpies. My dominant wrestling fandom started in the early 90s, so I had some glorious days of syndicated television. Hours spent watching men with bad haircuts and beer bellys getting their bell rung by roided up monsters.
The Good Old Days.
Over the past few years I've gone back and watched more as my Youtube Algorithm has been destroyed. All it recommends me now are squash matches and Leon The Lobster videos. I recommend Leon if you want to get emotional about a man rescuing a grocery store lobster and raising it as a pet. So suffice to say, I've seen a lot. Of squash matches, Leon the Lobster only has like five videos. If you've noticed from the blog, a lot of them fall into a pattern. Not all patterns are bad, I'm a plaid advocate myself. A lot of squashes sort of echo previous squashes I've either covered in the blog or seen before
But of fucking course Jake Roberts is going to be the guy to break it.
Jake Roberts is someone who should be considered overrated. Whenever someone in wrestling is constantly praised for "having a great mind for the business" or "amazing psychology" or " looking more like Sam Elliot than me because my hair just won't turn grey quick enough", there's an instinct to downplay it. He is just constantly put over as a great wrestler and a great mind, surely it has to be a bunch of bullshit.
Notice I said should be overrated.
Because, he's not. At the bare minimum he is properly rated but there is a chance he's underrated. Jake is someone who benefits heavily from rewatches, because everything he does is captivating. I don't know if it's intentional, but a Jake Roberts promo reminds me of of all things Ka from The Jungle Book. You know that giant snake from the cartoon, but in the CGI one they made it Scarlett Johansson and it was like... uhhhhh..... is this snake gonna fuck this kid? Much like Henry Winkler in The One and Only, Ka used hypnosis. That's how I feel with a Jake promo. He lures you in and mesmerizes you with his words before he strikes. In ring he embodied a snake. Slitherly, slimy, and sneaky. I wrote before about how few wrestlers really scared me, and Jake didn't scare me but he made me....uncomfortable which is probably worse. The Heebie Jeebies. God I hope that's not a phrase with racist overtones. So obviously I'm a big Jake guy. Hell, the one Dungeons and Dragons run I ever had my character was Snake the Jake Roberts. He was a snake person. I mean that's the whole joke. So obviously I love Jake, but even I was surprised by this squash
Today we travel back to September 1987 , or 1 year B.B ( Before Ben). It's a episode of WWF Superstars as Jake "the Snake" is taking on Dusty Wolfe. Dusty Wolfe is a fantastic 80s jobber who went back and forth from WWF to WCW.. He wears a satin jacker, a sign of a professional wimpy. His jacket says Texas. Not much of a joke there, just a fact. This is a fresh cut young Jake Roberts here, with a thicker moustache then I've ever seen him have before. It's weird to call him " Young Jake", because he looks the same which is he looks like a dad. I heard NBC passed on a Young Jake show on account of how horrifying it would be. Lockup early and Dusty actually hits Jake with a hiptoss. Dusty then checks and coifs his hair and I got to say, maybe my favorite wrestling taunt. Nothing is funnier to me then checking your hair afteri doing something cool, such a prick thing to do. Jake sort of laughs at it and gives the nods that you got me, before a lockup and a much more aggressive Jake Roberts gets the arm. Dusty pulls the hair and gets Jake in the corner. Dusty now getting cocky with Jake, and Jake reminding him he needed to pull his hair to get the advantage. He suckers Dusty in and hits him with a big knee. Now Jake is pissed and after a big body slam. He chop blocks Dusty once. Chop blocks Dusty again. Jake gets a log lock.
Oh my god he's working a body part
The Jake Roberts psychology stuff all clicked in this moment. Not content with having a regular squash match, Jake decided to take has five minutes and actually tell a story. This isn't a resthold, this a wrestling hold. It has an actual point. After splitting Dusty's legs, Jake starts delivering knees to Dusty's thighs. I know it probably doesn't actually hurt, but just thinking about that made me cringe in pain. I call that "Big Brother" offense. That's the kind of move a brother does to his other brother to hurt him. Monkey bites, pinching, bending fingers etc. Now add kneeing a thigh to the list. These are not flashy moves , but they make sense and they're captivating. Dusty finally breaks free with yet another hair pull. MORE STORYTELLING PLEASE. When Dusty is up Jake hits a knee again, and Dusty drops while Jake goes to the legs again. Jake drops some elbows on Dusty's knees, before getting him in a really painful looking leg lock. Dusty again rakes the eyes to escape, but because he is so hurt he can barely stand up so Jake hits a facebuster. Oh my god I love that. It actually explained why someone would be looking down at the ground while getting up instead of stumbling around like an asshole. That's Dusty's last gasp as Jake catches him with The DDT. I can't explain how he does it, but Fusty sort of turns during it and somehow makes the DDT look more brutal. Jake gets the pin and Damian gets his lunch
Maybe I'm overhyping it, but I was so delighted to see a new type of squash match. In 3 minutes, Jake told a complete story and everything he did made sense. All the limb work paid off in the face buster near the end. All the cheating by Dusty incensed Jake enough where he spent time torturing the guy instead of just beating him. It also allowed Dusty to break holds without taking charge of the match. Jake put all this thought into a squash match. A match that so many of his contemporaries choose to spend just putting a guy in an armlock and then posing. This isn't Hall of Fame, but god I loved this.
TLDR Review
Dusty Wolfe is a Knight in Satin's Service. Jake Roberts is an expert in psychology. It really bums me out I don't look more like Sam Elliot
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.