Lazertron vs Randy Mulkey NWA Pro 03-07-1987
I've only trusted one robot in my entire life
His name was Alfie and he was a Tiger Electronics 2-Xl. I don't know why his name was Alfie, but it was. Alfie was a robot with a cassette player for a belly. He had a portable handle and a headphone jack which allowed me to bring him everywhere. In what predicated my enjoyment of podcasts by about 25 years, I had so many story cassette tapes that I would listen with Alfie. I had The X-Men, I had the Ninja Turtles, I had the Power Rangers, I had probably a tape from some knockoff franchise that one of my relatives I didn't like got me. I wanted to name names so bad right there. Every night I would put on my headphones, put on Alfie and go to bed....and by go to bed I mean spent hours listening too it until I actually wanted to sleep. Alfie didn't just allow the ability to tell stories, Alfie allowed you to play games.. At the bottom of the robot, Alfie had buttons that would allow you to answer questions . Sometimes it was a question about what you wanted to hear, or sometimes it would be testing your knowledge. I loved Alfie and I loved to play the game. Well one night Alfie has be a question, "Would it be bad if all the bugs died? It only took me two seconds to answer it, no it'd be amazing. Just that summer I was stung by a bee for the first time in my life, and then less than 24 hours later I was stung by a bee for the second time in my life. I'm a grown man, I pay taxes, I still kind of freak out when I see a bee. I'm not allergic, I'm just a coward of the county. The only WASP I enjoy better have Blackie Lawless in spandex. So yes, I told Alfie I wanted the bugs gone. There is a really good chance I am about to exaggerate, but I swear this is the just of what he told me"
" It WOULD not be good if the bugs die. The bees pollinate the plants, and if the plants aren't pollinated than they die, and if they did then animals cant eat them, and if they die than humans can't eat them, and the world would end. Think about that next time you swat at a fly"
I was probably 8 years old and this fucking robot just explained the apocalypse to me . That has haunted me for 25 years. I had never considered how the world was going to end, I was 8 years old. Alfie took my innocence and paid me back in scorn. From that day I've never trusted a robot again. I finally learned to trust my Roomba once and he repaid me by knocking all my action figures off my TV stand. I think Skynet is more self-aware than most Instagram posters, but it just lacks the resources to take control. They're slowly taking over though, but I know one place they'll never be able to take control. Professional Wrestling.
Not that they haven't tried though.
Welcome to the past view of the future courtesy of a 1987 of NWA Pro and the wrestler known as Lazer-tron. WWF and WCW rightfully get a lot of crap for weird gimmicks, but NWA thrrew out some bizarre ones as well. Lazer-tron is a robot from the future, with an outfit that looks suspiciously like the 1980s Laser Tag Game craze. I'm a 90s kid so I missed the laser tag craze, instead we got Laser Challenge. Isn't the same thing at all, ours was blue. Laser Tag vs Laser Challenge is the Ice Ice Baby vs Under Pressure battle of it's day. Lazer-tron's outfit is something man. If he was a sexy lady instead of a second generation pro wrestler, he would fit in in a Barbarella knockoff. Of course he isn't a sexy lady because Lazer-tron was played by Hector Guerrero of the legendary Guerrero wrestling family. His opponent tonight is Randy Mulkey, one half of The Mulkey Brothers with his brother Bill. They are probably the greatest wimpy tag team of all time, so we're going to put a pin in discussing them too much tonight as they deserve a latter entry. All you really need to know is they are small, skinny, and pasty.
They're a Wimpy Triple threat.
Match underway and Lazer-tron is actually moving like a robot which is so stupid and great. By moving like a robot, I mean sort of moving his arms slowly. Mulkey tries to evade, but Lazer-tron catches him and whips him into the ropes. Lazer comes off the ropes WITH A GREAT FLYING SHOULDER BLOCK. It's one of those spinning ones where he puts all his weight into it and bounces into and then off of Mulkey. It's spectacular. One scoop slam later and Lazer-tron comes off the top rope. I think it's the top, because the NWA production is awful. Lazer-tron opted to climb the one turnbuckle in front of the lighting rig, so he looks like he's emerging from the sun to attack Randy Mulkey. God hates Mulkeys. Lazer-tron comes off with a sideways flying axhandle maybe? Mulkey does a flipping sell and Lazer-tron gets the pin for the win.
I can never trust a robot again, but I'm intrigued by Lazer-tron. Look it's a silly gimmick and the outfit is suspect, but Hector Guerrero is still a Guerrero so he's gonna give it his all. Randy Mulkey was great in this and did what any enhancement talent should do, enhance. It's solid, maybe not worth looking at unless you wanna see a robot wrestler and you watched all the Shockwave the Wrestling robot stuff on YouTube. That said, the gimmick wasn't around too long and Hector finally got his big break in WWE.
As the Gobbledy Gooker.
Ouch
TLDR Review
God Hates Mulkeys. Wrestling Writers hates Hector Guerrero. I hate bees, but not enough to die
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