Kane vs. The Hurricane WWE Raw 09-29-2003
I'm not entirely sure if I'm an asshole in the next paragraph. I didn't have time to post on the reddit subreddit to confirm
I had a teacher in high school who constantly bragged about her vocabulary. She was an English teacher, so I get it, but she would constantly use ten dollar words when a one dollar word would suffice. There's nothing about having a big vocabulary that's bad, but even as a teenager it was clear to me this was more for her benefit than for mine. I still hate the world facetious. She wasn't a bad teacher, she was actually pretty good .In fact her teaching of Macbeth is why I still walk about my house doing the "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow" speech as various pro wrestlers. You haven't lived until you heard a Stone Cold Soliloquy. But, (can't be that great of a teacher, I just started a sentence with but) the whole vocabulary thing could be a bit annoying. It rubbed my friend Aaron the wrong way so much that he would mess with her every single day. He would sit in the front row, and point up. That's all he would do. He would sit there with his finger pointed to the sky and every now and then he would glance up. Every single time , she fell for it and she looked. She never caught on, never figured out what he was doing...just that every class she would look up multiple times while talking to us and not catch on to what she was doing. She had a big vocabulary, but she was also capable of less than intelligent moments.
Much like Glenn Jacobs
Glenn Jacobs got the reputation of being , "the smartest man in wrestling". For years people would marvel over his intelligence . Well in the past few years Big Glenn has gotten out of wrestling and into politics. He started talking more publicly. It turns out that Glenn's intelligence was really based on....the fact he read books? I won't delve into too much of Glenn's opinions other than to let you know they're wrong. I know people say that there's no such thing as a wrong opinion, but that's usually only said by someone currently expressing a wrong opinion. What I do want to talk about is his take on Covid-19. Very early on Glenn made the big brain decision that mask mandates were bullshit. This proves a theory I've always had
Kane without a mask sucks
It's true and it's my opinion and there is no such thing as a wrong opinion. Shit. I take back what I said earlier. I theorized that maskless Kane always sucked, and then DID MY OWN RESEARCH and it turns out I'm right. With the exception of Corporate Kane, which doesn't count because it was basically a new gimmick, Uncle Fester Baldhead Unmasked Kane fucking blew. Kane with a mask was scary, he was cool, and he was jacked to the gills. Bald Kane was tall and pasty, pro wrestling's Shawn Bradley. Hey its possible I'm being unfair. It's possible that Kane was less cringe than I thought. Let's go to the match and see
It's a September edition of Monday Night Raw and we got an unmasked Kane taking on his former tag partner The Hurricane. Kane and Hurricane were tag team champions and as a kid I was so excited. There's so way they didn't get the idea from a child because pairing those two guys in masks with similar names was som little boy shit. I thought they had a much longer run than they did, but it turns out it was only a month. I don't want to dive too deep into Hurricane here as he really deserves his own entry, but suffice to say I was a big fan.
I do love when a YouTube match upload gives me context. The video shows that earlier in the night Kane set out to attack a child wearing a mask.
The jokes write themselves folks.
The Hurricane came out to rescue the kid and now we have this match. Hurricane able to avoid Kane quickly and gets him outside the ring. Hurricane climbs with a big Front Flip dive onto Kane who sort of catches him, because he's a Republican and doesn't really believe in safety nets. Hurricane uses his speed to try and get some offense on Kane. Couple dropkicks and a shining wizard, but only a one count. Hurricane gets some mounted punches in the corner, but that's the last bit of offense we will see as Kane counters with a big powerslam. That's followed by a huge chokeslam and a victory for Kane. I'll give it to Kane, regardless of what outfit he is in....his chokeslam is awesome. Post-match there's another chokeslam to Hurricane,
Not bad, but not great. Unmasked Kane is 0-1 on this blog. This match is Just sort of a waste of everyone's time.
Much like hearing Big Glenn Speak
TLDR Review
Kane should wear a mask. Glenn Jacobs should wear a mask. I wonder what that kid in a mask was thinking when the wrestler threatened to kill him
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.