The Fake Undertaker (Brian Lee) vs Butch Banks WWF Raw 08-01-1994
Wrestling is so stupid and I love it
It took me a long time to say it out loud. because I spent years defending pro wrestling. If you've been a fan long enough, you know what I'm talking about. At a certain point in my life, you have to defend wrestling from everyone. Maybe it's your parents, maybe its your friends, maybe its the movies, maybe it's the books, maybe it's the government, maybe it's the crooks. Chris Gaines> Garth Brooks. Whomever it is, it typically involves being told how stupid or fake professional wrestling is. When you're younger, you can't accept it because you can't accept that idea that it isn't cool. So, you try your work arounds and to try and sway their point of view. Well actually wrestling requires super athletic ability. Well actually wrestling does a lot of damage to the participant's bodies. Well actually wrestlers sacrifice a lot for the business. All those things can be true, and sometimes you can change someone's mind. You can change their point of view. But it doesn't change a fundamental truth.
Wrestling is so stupid
But that's why it's awesome. Wrestling is inherently silly and wonderful and amazing and incredible. At it's base, professional wrestling is about two people fighting, except in order to fight they need to put on special clothing. It's the best. Even serious wrestling is silly. If you take some of the greatest stories in wrestling history, and try to summarize them into a single sentence they all sound ridiculous.
" There's this bald guy who hates his boss so he keeps beating him up and one time pulled a gun on him and made him pee his pants"
"This giant guy got mad that this bald guy got a bigger trophy than him so he ripped his necklace and now they're fighting"
" This wrestler who is in Roadhouse got mad he couldn't get a shot at the title so he tried to suffocate this blond guy with a plastic bag. I think he thought if he murdered him he'd win the title via forfeit"
See?
But there is nothing, absolutely nothing more fun to me than discussing angles involving The Undertaker. I love trying to tell my non-fan friends Undertaker angles and acting like they really happened. He is the most ridiculous character in wrestling history. And nothing, absolutely nothing is more fun kind of ridiculous than the saga of The Two Undertakers.
At the 1994 Royal Rumble, The Undertaker was in a casket match with Yokozuna. All the heels came out and helped Yokozuna beat The Undertaker and threw him in the casket. As the casket was being wheeled out, spooky smoke ( is their any other kind) emerged from the casket as suddenly The Undertaker was on the screen. He said something about The Undertaker living forever. I don't remember BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING PETERIFIED. All of a sudden x-ray rays hit the casket and the spirit of The Undertaker ascended to the rafter and main event status. With that he was gone, but rumors circulated regarding his appearance. WWE would show video clips of people who claimed they saw him. Finally, Ted Dibiase claimed not only had he found The Undertaker, but The Undertaker was working for him. Paul Bearer said he was full of it, but imagine his shock when The Undertaker showed up on Ted Dibiase. Of course, that wasn't the real Undertaker but The Fake Undertaker. The Underfaker if you will. The real Undertaker was an undead zombie who cared not about the power of money, but the power of the urn.
That's the shortest way I can tell the story
At Summerslam 1994, The Undertaker and Underfaker would meet in a match everyone in the world, but me seems to hate. Yes I've re-watched it, and I appreciate it for what it is. Fucking Stupid. The Undertaker and Underfaker don't look alike at all other than having similar hair. As a kid I was like, IM SEEING DOUBLE HERE...FOUR UNDERTAKERS, but as an adult it's blatantly obvious The Underfaker was played by Brian Lee. Poor Brian Lee. The Underfaker's star shone too bright. The world just wasn't ready.
But, don't cry because it's gone. Laugh because you had it once. Is that a saying? If not, it should be. Someone call Homegoods.
Because even though the run was short lived, we got a fantastic couple weeks of Underfaker squash matches. Fantastic not in match quality, but fantastic because I get to relive one of my favorite wrestling angles. Not a bit, I legitimately love this saga. Tonight we travel to August 1994 for Monday Night Raw as The Underfaker takes on Butch Banks. The Underfaker is out first and I'll give this to him, he is really doing as damn good Undertaker impression. The problem is that this is a visual medium and we still have to look at Brian Lee not looking at all like The Undertaker. The Underfaker is of course managed by Ted Dibiase, who's gimmick is still of The Million Dollar Man. Thast gimmick explains why he's wearing the cheapest looking jacket I've ever seen. Holy shit does that look like shit. I've heard people trash Dibiase's manager run and I haven't revisited it, but I'm inclined to believe them just based on that crappy jacket. DAN FLASHES THAT IS NOT. Match underway and Underfaker hits a big throat chop to Butch. Poor Brian Lee has to make sure his hair is constantly covering his face because....welll...you know... the simple fact that he....you know...
HE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THE UNDERTAKER.
Underfaker brings Butch over to corner and chokes him. Great. Super Great. He stops choking him by the throat and pulls him out of the ring so he can cover his mouth and choke him that way. Underfaker is really nailing The Undertaker squash experience. It sucks. A big boot by The Underfaker followed by a short-arm clothesline. Ted Dibiase showing money to indicatedthat money is the motivation of The Undertaker. That's not true, The Undertaker isn't motivated by mon.......nevermind I remembered Saudi Arabia. I rescind my objection. After some more choking, Underfaker whips Butch into the ropes and catches him in a choke....slam. Thank god. A wrestling move in a wrestling match. Underfaker hits a chokeslam and....wins? That's it? That's the finish. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE UNDERTAKER AND I DIDNT GET A GODDAMN TOMBSTONE. THIS IS HORSE SHIT TED DIBIASE. I ASKED FOR A DR PEPPER AND YOU GAVE ME DOCTOR THUNDER.
It's awful. Its stupid. It sucks. I love it. But I hate it. But I love it. Look, I may be right. I may be crazy. I just may be the lunatic you're looking for,. From where I'm standing The Underfaker saga isn't about good wrestling. It's not about match quality. It's about silly silly shit
And apparantly chokes
Lots and lots of chokes
TLDR Review
Ted Dibiase's jacket is cheap. The Underfaker is elite. Where's my fucking Dr. Pepper?
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.