Hall of Fame Squash:Sid Vicious vs. Lee Scott NWA Main Event 08-27-1989
I had to make the 100th entry special
God I hope this actually ends up as the 100th entry, because if I do the math wrong on this I'm going to be the laughingstock of the grindcore/ squash match blog community. I really felt as though I needed something to celebrate a milestone entry in the blog. I figure doing the 100th entry made the most sense, but honestly that's because I forgot to do this at the 69th. Up top my brother. I figured that by the time I got to the 100th entry, some of the growing pains of the blog would be figured out and I'd have a more clearly defined style. With all that in mind, I knew once I got to a big milestone there was only one match that I could possibly review that would deserve the honor
A match I consider to be the greatest squash match of all time
This match is the ultimate battle of wimpy vs superstar. Two men at the height of their abilities, just one man has the ability to throw high and the other has the ability to land hard It's a marriage made for Investigation Discovery, because someone is going to end up dead. In one corner, you have Sid Vicious. He is on the Mount Rushmore of Squash Match wrestlers, and he has a solid case for being the GOAT of Getting to kill Wimpies. Sid understood how to have a great squash match better than nearly anyone. Which is baffling because having a great squash match seems so simple to me. Just kill the enhancement talent and look cool doing it. Sid Vicious gets it, I don't know why she doesn't get it. Nobody was better at mixing the blend of cool moves and charisma in a squash match than Sid . There are no wasted moments in a Sid Vicious squash match, only wasted wrestlers. Because they are fucking dead.
In the other corner we have Lee Scott, a man I consider to be pound for pound death for death to be the greatest wimpy of all time. You know the song Ready to Die by Andrew WK? I just assume he wrote it about Lee Scott. Lee's willingness to take absurd bumps in the late 80s is only comparable to Motley Crue. The Crue had the luxury of just doing bumps of cocaine, while Lee Scott was doing bumps on the concrete floor. I don't want to say Lee Scott is mysterious, but I cannot believe there isn't more of him written about him out there. Its worth nothing I haven't done anything other than a quick google search, so maybe Conrad Thompson has him doing a podcast about all thi I missed. I hope that joke I made comes true as Lee Scott is the MVP of wimpies, Most Victimized Pro. He doesn't get killed because he's untrained, or because he stiffs the superstar who takes it out on him. He gets killed because it's his job. The Human Target of Pro Wrestling. He is also pro wrestling's Bob Dole, because I refuse to call him Lee or Scott. He is Lee Scott. Hear him roar ....in pain
Not to sound like Bill Hader's Stefon, but this match has EVERYTHING. Sid in Chaps, Zubaz tights, DAN CORTESE. Ok maybe not Dan Cortese but everything else
Someone shoot Taylor Swift a text because we're headed back to 1989. Baby we got bad blood, as tonight it's an episode of NWA Main event and the two titans finally do battle. Sid Vicious and Lee Scott.
Lee Scott is already in the ring complete with Zubaz, mustache, and perfectly coifed hair. He looks like an emaciated John Holmes. Well, I assume John Holmes was emaciated due to drug use so let's just say he looks like a healthier emaciated John Holmes. Not only does Lee Scott has Zubaz tights, he has Zubaz elbow pads because Lee Scott has better gear than any active wrestler. Sid Vicious is out next accompanied by Theodore Long and Dan Spivey, and god the Sid Vicious theme song is so ominous. It's a song that signals imminent death, which is of course the lesser known sequel to Eminence Front. For reasons I never fully understood, this is the era of Sid Vicious where he worse chaps as an entrance gear. He isn't a cowboy, and he never wrestles in them so the only purpose they serve is making us wait awkwardly while he takes them off. Maybe it's the Tom Petty effect in my brain, the waiting is the hardest part. Especially when you're waiting to watch Lee Scott go to The Great Wide Open. Also, The Last DJ is a good song too
Finally the bell rings. Fuck The Rumble in the Jungle. Fuck the Thrilla in Manilla. This is the Pain Event on Main Event and Lets. Fucking. Go. Lee comes off the ropes for a shoulder block, but Sid has no time for any silly games and no-sells it. Lee tries to mount an attack on Sid with punches, but to no avail. Sid stares incredously before grabbing Lee and TURNING HIM INSIDE OUT WITH A STANDING CLOTHESLINE. HOLY SHIT. There was no run up, there was no amp up, there was just one shot straight across the bow and he capsized Lee Scott. THIS IS IS HOW IT STARTS FOLKS. The crowd loses it, and Sid drops to his knees and absorbs the energy from the crowd. Sid then grabs Lee Scott and presses him above his head before TOSSING OUTSIDE TO THE FLOOR. LEE SCOTT LANDS ON HIS SIDE. Lee Scott is either incredibly dumb or incredibly brave, because Lee Scott doesn't bail out , instead he just takes the whole impact on the outside. I choose to believe Lee Scott isn't a coward. Landing on your feet on the outside is the coward's way out. While Lee is writhing in pain on the outside, Dan Spivey is out there taunting him and seems so amused by what his tag partner is doing. Sid follows Lee to the outside and THROWS HIM INTO THE RING. Lee had to grab the ropes a little to assist, but this was an actual throw into the ring. Jesus Christ. The crowd is losing it at this point. Sid gets back in the ring and grabs Lee and lifts him up with what I assumed would be a Razor's Edge like move.
NOPE HE FUCKING WHIRLYBIRDS HIM ACROSS THE RING
Holy shit is this move nuts. Sid is 7 feet tall and he throws Lee Scott UP AND ABOVE his own head halfway across the ring. I do not know how Lee Scott was ever able to wrestle again. The hangtime is impressive on it's own, but the distance is absolutely remarkable. It's a good thing that's the finish of the match. Wait, You didn't think it'd be that easy did you? You know, for a second...yeah...I almost did. Sid grabs a hold of Lee Scott and folds him up with a powerbomb for the finish. Sid isn't going to drop you during a powerbomb, he's going to go with you the whole way to make sure the job is done.
It's the Michael Jordan of Squash Matches. It's the Tom Brady of Squash Matches. It's the Black Phillip of Squash Matches. It's the Goat. Both men delivered when they needed to deliver here. It's a perfect symbiotic relationship between wimpie and wimper, especially because you know one of them will inevitably kill the other. This is some co-dependent bullshit in the best case version of it. Must Watch.
I should have made a Free Falling joke on the Whirlybird. Shit I got to start over
TLDR Review
Sid Vicious is the greatest squash match wrestler. Lee Scott is the greatested wrestler getting squashed. Dan Cortese is the greatest host of MTV Sports.
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.