Ken Kennedy vs. Jacus Plisken WWE Smackdown 09-16-2005
Ken Kennedy might be the most snakebit wrestler of all time.
Alright, technically Randy Savage is the most snakebit wrestler of all time. He was literally bitten by a snake. I feel weird that I need to remind you. It's a traumatic moment for a lot of us. What I mean by snakebit is Ken Kennedy is really high up there in terms of unlucky pro wrestlers. He is someone that seemed poised for a top guy run, but was constantly derailed. Some of those derailments were outside his hands, like if a train derails because there are cows on it. Other derailments were self-inflicted, like if Mr. Kennedy was conducting a train and then claimed he never put cows on the tracks, but then Cows Illustrated released a list of 10 guys who put cows on the track.
Sometimes I worry my analogies are too simple for my readers.
Kennedy's run is fascinating. He's signed to OVW and does...well basically nothing for six months until Paul Heyman comes in. Heyman gives Kennedy the opportunity to cut promos and within a month Kennedy goes from "guy in OVW" to getting a push on...Velocity? I remember how weird it was to see WWE actually slow build someone on a secondary program, but it worked. Kennedy transitioned from Velocity to Smackdown and became a favorite. The announcing your own name schtick worked man. People loved it. Ken slowly rising up the ranks when he hits derailment number 1,he tears a muscle and is out for six months. Ok, that one isn't his fault. He comes back and ends up in a feud with The Undertaker who was the ace of Smackdown for all of the 2000s. This was a big deal for someone relatively new, as he even bloodied up The Undertaker and left him laying. He uses that momentum to win the Money in the Bank briefcase, which was still a fresh concept. Anyone watching the product knew not only was Ken going to get a push, but he was going to get a top guy push. He could talk, he was a solid wrestler. It was all looking up for Ken
Until those damn cows got on the tracks again
Ken is misdiagnosed with an injury which forces WWE to get the Briefcase off him and onto Edge. The decision was made because they needed to get the title of an injured Undertaker. They had to make a move then and there. Originally believed to put him out for most of the year, Kennedy only missed five weeks. So far that's just shit luck. But don't worry, WWE still has plans for him man. So check this out, what if Vince McMahon fakes his death and it turns out a WWE heel was going to help him do it. That guy would surely get a top guy run in the company. Ok let's fake Vince's death and as long as nothing goes wrong and..
Oh
Ok, it's alright. I got it, so Vince isn't actually dead right. But iInce has an illegitimate son. So what we're gonna do is, we're going to make Ken into Vince's son and there are so many stories that can come from it. He can feud with Vince or team with Vince and then Hunter Shane and Steph can get in the mix. It's gonna rule . To make it even sweeter, we're gonna do the big reveal in Ken's hometown. It's gonna be great. I hope Sports Illustrated doesn't write an article revealing Kennedys connection to a pharmacy scandal
IS THERE A FUCKING FARM AROUND HERE. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY COWS ON THE TRACKS
It's still not over yet folks.
He comes back from his suspension and does his usual heel stuff. However he takes a non injury related break to film a movie and when he comes back, turns babyface for the first time. A good decision because he was someone the crowd really wants to cheer him. Better yet they have him paired against William Regal, the RAW GM who was starting to get a really big push as an evil GM. Evil GMs are standard, but the Regal's take on the character was unlike anything we'd seen before from an evil GM. The crowd loves Kennedy and hates Regal. We're getting a hell of a feud. We're getting a hell of a rivalry
WE'RE GETTING MORE COWS
Regal gets suspended for 60 days and that feud is over. This has gotten ridiculous. Well at least it's over
ANOTHER COW!
Kennedy pops his shoulder, is out three months
ACTUALLY I THINK THAT'S THE SAME COW
Kennedy is fired after complaints from John Cena and Randy Orton that he was reckless.
That's it, his whole run. Full of stops, starts, and cows. Lots and lots of cows. It is interesting to debate the merits of Ken Kennedy and see where he will end up historically. Is he a victim of circumstance? A Victim of self-sabotage? A victim of Love? Whatever it may be, he is not the victim in the next match. So let's flash back to the initial Ken Kennedy run. When the world was so full of promise. When the future for Kennedy seemed a little bit bright.
When he got to wrestle Biohazard
That's right,. on this September 2005 edition Of WWE Smackdown, The Ken Kennedy push brushes up about Jacus Plisken, better known to ROH fans as Biohazard. For whatever reason, Biohazard is my favorite random 2002 ROH guy to reference. A Texas Wrestling Academy student, Biohzard only wrestled maybe five shows for ROH, but his legacy lives on via his braided hair and the fact his name is Biohzard. It's a bad wrestling name, and you can argue it's a bad band name as well. Want to hear my impression of Evan Seinfeld? What's the deal with Tera Patrick? Thank You. Biohazard changed his name to the far catchier Jacus Plisken, and got himself a WWE Smackdown match against Ken Kennedy so let's see how he does.
Kennedy is out first, and I started laughing when I saw him. He is so swollen that I can't believe it took them two years to figure out he was on steroids. Kennedy interrupts Chimel and demand Chimel shut up so Kennedy can do his "announce his own entrance schtick". It's a great schtick, especially the repeating of your name. Repeating of your name. Jacus is a bald man rocking a hoop earring, which just seems like you want someone to make fun of you for being Mr. Clean. I know we aren't supposed to bully people, but c'monnnnnnnnn. Kennedy with some big right hands that Jacus takes a really bad silly bump on. Kennedy whips Jacus into the ropes and hits a kitchen sink and Jacus barely flips over. It looks awful.
IS BIOHAZARD NOT THE BEST WRESTLER OF HIS GENERATION? HAVE I BEEN WRONG THE WHOLE TIME?
They finally say Jacus Plisken's name on commentary and now I'm annoyed. His name is such an obvious Escape from New York reference. Some more punches by Kennedy, but Jacus blocks a corner charge and staggers Kennedy. Jacus climbs the top rope, but Kennedy cuts him off. It's so convenient Jacus is up there as it allows Kennedy to hit the Lambeau Leap off the second rope for the win. The finish is awesome, the name is awesome, the set up is absurdly contrived. Afterwards Kennedy announces his victory
Oh Ken, we could have had something special. The actual match wasn't great because well, I guess Biohazard sucked and everything I ever believed was a lie. But the pre and post-match really summed up why we thought Ken Kennedy had potential. He had a charisma and he had a cool finish. I would kill for more wrestlers to have that combo.
I'd also kill for a steak right now, all those cows got me hungry
TLDR Review
Ken Kennedy's Train couldn't stay on the tracks. Biohazard couldn't stay in ROH. I really wanted that Evan Seinfeld joke to be better but then I remembered I only know him from VH1's Supergroup and don't know any of his actual music
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