KroniK vs 3 Count WCW Monday Nitro 10-23-2000
I don't think I could make it as an influencer.
For starters, I'm a luddite with technology. I have such a basic understanding of Instagram that begins and ends with, its the app with pictures on it. There's also the fact I'm not exactly great at selling anything, as evidenced by the opening part of this blog being about why I'm not good at something. I'm The Road Warriors of Praise, I don't feel it. Lastly and probably most importantly, I'm not sure I'm the best tastemaker. Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff I love and I refuse to love anything ironically, but a lot of the stuff I like is goofy. Sometimes I can't figure out if the stuff I like is considered actually good or just good by me. It doesn't bother me really, because I don't want to end up one of those weirdos on Letterboxed who is shitting all over Jurassic World while leaving 5 star reviews for a film about a cockroach that becomes a butterfly. But, I can't help but doubt if I'm just way off on stuff.
I mean, I did watch WCW more than WWF in 2000
People hate WCW 2000, and yet that was one of the years I watched it most. I have not and probably will not revisit it to figure out the reasoning, but for some reason I gravitated towards it. Maybe it was because the chaotic storylines intrigued me. Maybe because even at 12 years old I had already developed an affinity for trainwreck television. Trainwreck Television sounds like a series on Corncob TV, right after the end of a Coffin Flop marathon. Maybe it's because of Y2K. We assumed nothing happened when the clock struck midnight, but maybe my brain got rewired by nanobots and I was intrigued by the booking of Vince Russo. For whatever reason, my twelve year old self found myself watching less of Raw and more of Nitro. Now, I'm not trying to distance myself from my past self but I'm fairly confident I knew it wasn't good. Even at the time I remember thinking a lot of it was silly, but I was a fan. I suspect a lot of it had to do with the new or repackaged talent on the show. I am the world's only Misfits in Action fan, and now I'm realizing I need to update my Ebay saved searches to see if I can find any of their merch. This match here features two of my absolute favorite acts from WCW 2000, so lets see if I have grown out of my affinity or if the memory remains. SPIC AND SPAN, PILLOW FIGHTS BUT THE MEMORY REMAINS.
Definitely the lyrics.
It's WCW Monday Nitro in the year 2000, In Theeee yeearr 2000, and this entry sees the team of Kronik taking on 3 count. Kronik is comprised of Brian Adams and Brian Clark. Brian Adams is of course the former Crush and Brian Clark is the former Adam Bomb. Adams is someone who never really did it for me as a wrestler, but I always wanted to like him. Adams had gone through multiple evolutions of the Crush character ending with the logical endpoint of any fictional character. Leader of a potentially White Supremist Motorcycle Gang. He joined WCW as a member of the NWO and that's about it for a while. Brian Clark was a guy I was always very into. He was Adam Bomb in WWF and had the great combo of being massive and agile. He never really hit his potential in WWF, but in WCW he had more success. He became Wrath and he was a monster. He was one of those wrestlers that me and my friends loved, but he was a victim of the WCW ceiling. He was a pushed guy in the mid-card, but never given a chance to crack the upper echelon despite the fact crowds were really getting into him. So here we have two gentleman named Brian, both sort of stuck in WCW limbo with no direction. What's the next step? Form a Hoss Tag Team and name it after weed. I was such a sheltered little kid, that the double meaning of their name never registered. I mean they called their finisher High Times for Christ's sake. Kronik proved immediately popular and were quickly turned face after their debut. At the time of this match, they had recently turned back heel and were basically doing a APA knockoff gimmick. Cashing Checks and breaking necks and stealing IP.
While I didn't get the joke behind Kronik, it was hard not to get the brilliance of the joke behind 3 Count. 3 Count consisted of Evan Karagias, Shane Helms, and Shannon Moore. It was based around a simply yet brilliant concept, boy bands are popular and wrestling fans are the kind of fans to hate boy bands. As a young male, you could not publicly admit you liked a boy band at risk of catching a beating. I'm pretty sure we all secretly jammed out to Everybody Backstreet's Back, but there was no way you could admit that in middle school. So WCW took that internalized hatred and channeled it into a trio of annoying teeny-bopper wrestlers who were constantly lambs to the slaughter. 3 Count ruled. It probably helped that they were super fun in the ring, and also super fun as annoying heels .I don't know how to change a tire, but I know all the words to the 3 Count song. It's almost shame 3 count happened in 2000 WCW because I can't help but wonder how much more mileage they could have gotten out of it in another time and place.
Let's head down to the ring for some action, wait nope...people have to talk for a while. Kronik cuts a promo for a while about fighting Goldberg. I don't know I wasn't paying attention I was thinking about haircuts I could get a year from now. Kronik ruled, but they weren't exactly Daniel Webster on the mic. Orator? More like Borator! What is relevant to us, is that 3 Count is sick of people interrupting their performances so they hired Kronik to protect them so they can performer. THEY'RE ARTISTS, LET THEM DO THEIR ART. Three Count are out and they look like such assholes. FUCK, THEIR PANTS. THEY'RE FRIGGING HUGE. Shane Helms announces that they're going to play ALL THEIR SONGS and Kronik grows concerned. They make a decision that 3 Count doesn't have enough money and...I guess let's have a match? Wait, was the ref in there the whole time? WCW everybody.
This impromptu battle is on as Adams clotheslines Evan. My spell check needs a break so me and Evan Karagias are on a first name basis now. Adams then with a big full nelson slam to Shane Helms while Clark tosses Shannon Moore into the corner. Clark chokes Shannon while Adams chops Shane. The crowd is loving this, which probably isn't great for RECENTLY TURNED HEELS. WCW Everybody. Brian Clark is the original Orange Cassidy because his sunglasses have remained on his face. He grabs Shannon Moore and hits A BRUTAL MELTDOWN. He slammed the shit out of him. They toss Shannon out and both grab Shane Helms in a chokeslam. They hit their High Times double Chokeslam finish, and Brian Clark puts his hand on Shane for the 3 count and the win.
Ok, so skip everything until 3 Count comes out and then it's really fun. Kronik had great offense and 3 Count were willing to die deaths for this minute of a match. Both these teams were teams I think deserved better than what ended up happening. Maybe Kronik sucked, but they were clearly resonating with the crowd. 3 Count I know for a fact were rad as hell so no surprise there. There isn't enough meat on the bone to put this in the Hall of Fame, but the segment was really fun once Brian Adams stopped yelling at me. It got me to thinking about the perceived lack of quality of 2000 WCW. I had to ask myself
Maybe Vince Russo wasn't all bad?
Yes, yes he was
TLDR Review
You know what, Kronik ruled. You know what, maybe I will watch more 2000 WCW. You know what, Britney Spears was kind of cute.
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.