Larry Zbyszko vs Larry Winters 10-12-1985
What even happens in a Larry Zbyszko Squash match?
That's the only reason I chose to watch and review this match. I was fascinated by what could possible happen when Larry Zbyszko is in charge of squashing a guy. I had to be pretty fascinated, because do you understand how taxing the word Zbyszko is on my spell-check? There's more squiggled line in this than in a freedom of information document than about The Kennedy Assassination. Maybe in another life, I could have been a hard-nosed reporter after the truth of government conspiracies. A real champion for the little guy. Nah, I would have been Kolchack going after werewolves and shit. But of all the multiple realities I am simultaneously living, this is the one where I am an actual journalist. Because I am going to get the the bottom the question that has plagued this blog for centuries. I mean for sentences
What even happens in a Larry Zbyszko squash match?
I think I speak for a lot of people, when I say I didn't even realize Larry Zbyszko had this legendary career. I knew he used to wrestle, but I mainly knew him as the commentator for WCW Monday Nitro. I don't think I ever saw a single Larry Zbyszko match until he started feuding with Scott Hall, Eric Bischoff, and the rest of the NWO. For me, he was just the verbose commentator who one time played an April Fools trick on Dusty Rhodes by telling him Alex Wright beat Ric Flair for the world title. I was too young for tape-trading or anything like that, so his career was sort of lost to me. I remember the first time I read about the Larry/Bruno feud and thinking...really?...him? It wasn't a knock on him, but it seemed so peculiar to me that someone who seemed to rise so high in wrestling would just end up a random commentator I never heard of. When I finally joined the internet wrestling community, I remember it was a time when the opinion on Larry Zbyszko was simple.
Larry Zbyszko loved to stall
Like a Dodge Dart due for an oil change, Larry Zbyszko loved the art of doing nothing. He loved it so much, that it became the dominant thing people knew him for. I hadn't seen a second of a Larry match, but I already knew what to expect. In that time frame, people thought stalling was boring and bullshit. Keep in mind, we were a bunch of teenagers on a pro wrestling message board in the 2000s. We wanted some goddamn flips, and unless you can stall DURING a flip, I didn't wanna see that shit. Now I'm a lot older and I can appreciate stalling more. I work 40 hours a week, and so much of it is just stalling to get to the next break. Larry Zbyszko just took that work ethic to the wrestling ring. You want me to go out their for 15 minutes? Ok, we'll wrestle for 5, but for the first ten I'm not gonna do shit. Larry Zbyszko is my personal hero when it comes to work ethic. His stalling is so legendary that he even unintentionally does it. When he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, Larry lost his train of thought multiple times and went long. Even when he didn't mean to, he was still using every second he could. So with someone who's main legacy in wrestling is his stalling, I had to wonder how he would work in the short match format that is a squash match. So I went to work and I did some digging. Lots of long nights. Lots of charts.
Just kidding, I googled "Larry Zbyszko vs" in YouTube and picked the first one that seemed good.
Its 1985 in the AWA and we got the battle of the Larrys. Larry Zbyszko vs Larry Winters. Larry Fine was scheduled as a third opponent, but didn't show up on account he'd been dead for over a decade. The AWA is a real weak spot for me, and this may actually be the first AWA match I've ever seen in full. I believe this is from the AWA on ESPN show , but I cannot be sure. We're a Fox Sports Family. Despite being a Midwest promotion, this edition is taped from Atlantic City in New Jersey. Tonight Zbyszko's opponent is Larry Winters. Winters is a journeyman wrestler from the Tri-State area probably best known as an original ECW original. Eastern Championship Wrestling when extreme was what they did, not what they were called. Because I haven't seen any AWA, I have zero context for anything in this match so this will be fun. Also we got Nick Bockwinkel on the call, who could have gotten a gig in ASMR videos if he came around twenty years later. So here we go, how is 1985 Larry Zbyszko going to perform under the pressure of this mildly read blog.
The match starts with Zbyszko stalling
A tiger never changes his stripes and it shouldn't because they look awesome as shit. Zbyszko starts off by displaying his ability with nun-chucks, and the referee arguing with Zbyszko to put them away. Zbyszko of course argues like a NBA player who didn't think he should be called for a foul. I don't know Draymond, I think it's far you got called for a foul when you backhanded the guy. That's just my opinion. God bless Zbyszko, who gets a solid minute out of this schtick. He's in the ring, he's out of the ring. He's ready to go, no he's arguing with the referee. Finally, Winters has enough and throws Zbyszko into the turnbuckle. In something I never see, Zbyszko runs across the ring in a way that makes it look like he's actually been thrown. His running movement is completely out of control and adds to everything. Winters hits a back elbow followed by a regular elbow followed by a pin attempt. Zbyszko can't get anything going. Winters whips Zbyszko into the ropes, while Zbyszko does another great out of control run. He hits the ropes and THE ROPES SNAP. Luckily, Zbyszko stays in the ring, but its shocking to see a top rope just snap on a non-live wrestling event. Winters is a pro though and goes right back to Zbyszko and goes after him. While the ring crew frantically tries to fix it, Winters throws a dropkick Zbyszko sort of waves off and now finally Zbyszko is in control. Zbyszko hits a shoulder breaker followed by gouging Winters' eyes with his feet. Zbyszko drags Winters over to the corner to bash his head against the buckle, and then sort of realizes he can't do much with the top rope broken. So he pushes Winters into the flaccid rope and forearms Winters over the top...well second rope and to the floor. Zbyszko goes back and forth between arguing with the referee over the quality of the ring and kicking Winters so he can't get back in. Winters makes it onto the apron before Zbyszko hits him with a nice slow suplex. Suplexes that look like they take an actual amount of leverage and effort are my favorite. Ban the Snap Suplex. Winters kicks out and again Zbyszko argues with the ref. This gives Winters a chance for a BABYFACE COMEBACK BABY. Punches, Forearms, a shitty dropkick. All the classics. The comeback is short lived as Zbyszko hits a kick to the gut and a neck breaker to stop the tide. Zbyszko then hits a BIG JUMPING PILEDRIVER for the win, and he's STILL TALKING SHIT TO THE REF
Wow, this is great. Zbyszko was such a great heel in this, and I can't stress how much I love his out of control run. The ropes snapping immediately make this stand out, especially with how well they adapted to the situation. At a certain point I forgot the ropes even snapped until the camera would show it. This isn't hall of fame, but this is definitely very good and worth checking out. So I asked the question, what happens in a Larry Zbyszko squash match. And I'll answer that
In about 20 minutes after I argue with every fan in the front row
TLDR Review
I hope people got that last stalling joke. Verne Gagne had shitty rings. Larry Zbyszko kind of rules
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.