The Hardliners (Dick Murdoch & Dick Slater) vs. Rikki Nelson & Joey Maggs NWA Main Event 07-21-1991
Massachussetts must have the most angry old men per capita.
Other places probably have more, but I don't think any straight has such a concentrated amount. I say concentrated, because those old bastards spend a lot of time thinking about how miserable they want to make you. It makes sense, the whole Northeast is full of angry old dudes. I can't same I blame them, every winter is a hellscape. Or whatever a cold version of a hellscape would be. It doesn't even matter what kind of winter we get, the threat is always constantly looming. We could have a mild winter for 3 months, but all it symbolizes to us is to watch out for that the fourth month. That month will will do everything it can to break our spirit and make us humble. It wears a man down. There's also the internalized hatred of everyone in this region. Whereas other Northeast states do have their fare share of self-loathing, Massachussetts is the epicenter of it. It's some sort of engrained puritan DNA brought over by the Pilgrims that we haven't quite got out of our systems. People have tried to flush it out with alcohol,. but it hasn't taken yet.
The worst that can happen WILL happen, so you're best bet is to make someone else feel bad instead.
That's our state poem.
Originally it was something by Walt Whitman, but this new one is by some guy named Teddy the attorney general met at a dive bar down the cape. Regardless, it's just the cycle around here. Every single person from the state has an angry old man in their life. Maybe it's their dad, maybe it's their grandad, maybe its themselves....but 90 percent of the time...it's their uncle. Everyone with a parent with a sibling has an angry Massachusetts uncle. So out of towner, I know you're asking .....what are they like?
They're a lot like Dick Murdoch and Dick Slater
For two guys who couldn't possibly be less of northerners, I think they're the tag team that most embodies the spirit of the region. Dick Murdoch is a Texan and Dick Slater is from Florida, so it's not like there's any obvious connection to this area. Although now that I think about Dick Murdoch's alleged opinion on race in America, I can see few similarities between him and a lot of angry Massachusetts uncles , but let's put that aside for a moment, Slater and Murdoch were two of the toughest wrestlers who ever stepped foot in the squared circle. When they teamed up as The Hardliners, a gimmick based around a collection agency, man that was a recipe for chaos. Murdoch and Slater are two big ,surly, mean bastards who just want to kick the shit out of you and get paid for it. I've seen those guys in every bar I've ever been too and I've made sure to keep my distance. They aren't there to start trouble, but once the ball gets rolling they're like Sisyphus. WAIT ARE YOU CALLTHEM SISSIES. YOU SON OF A BITCH, and then you sailing over a railing on the second floor of the Mexican restaurant. The kind of guys you want to buy a drink as a peace offering, but there's a substantial chance it backfires. Hey maybe this isn't a local thing, maybe this something that all of you see in your part of the country. Maybe. Maybe Not
Maybe Fuck Yourself
It's July 1991 on NWA Main Event as Dick Murdoch and Dick Slater unite as The Hardliners to take on Rikki Nelson and Joey Maggs who unite as The Hard Timers. Named afer the fact their lives are about to get a lot harder baby. Murdoch and Slater come on in jackets in scally Caps, C'MON THEY ARE SO FUCKING BOSTON. For the uninitiated, scally caps are those Peaky Blinders hats. At some point every man in Massachusetts begins wearing one once their hair starts going. I don't know if it's a mail-order deal or some sort of government program, but it's a fact. Their opponents tonight are Rikki Nelson and Joey Maggs, two gentleman who don't need a scally cap as they have glorious mullets and wearing a scally cap over hair is an affront to god. Man, Murdoch is a scary looking man. His face looks like that Twilight Zone episode where there are all the pig people. He's so scary that despite knowing he's been dead for five years I'm worried he'll find out I made fun of him. Please don't tell him. Oh god, what if Dick Slater was Ghostwriter from Ghostwriter. All those kids would be also ghosts from Slater punching them. Slater locks up with Maggs and a nice arm drag and a wry smile from Slater. They lock up again and Slater trips up Maggs then does that amateur wrestling spin around him before grabbing a face lock. He follows with a bow and arrow lock and I found another similarity between these guys and angry Boston uncles.
'
They don't want to do anything.
I can't believe there isn't a Bruins game in the background with the lack of movement in this match so far. Slater Irish whips Maggs, but Maggs counters and Slater hits the buckle. Maggs comes in and waves to the crowd while looking for a monkey flip, but Slater holds on and Maggs just splats against the mat. Maggs rolls out and while Slater distracts the ref, Murdoch delivers elbows to Maggs' throat. Maggs is back in and Slater begins delivering some real nice punches in the corner. Finally, Murdoch tags in and TANDEM OFFENSE AS THEY WHIP MAGGS INTO THE ROPE AND
Slowly both punch him.
Oh.
Ok.
Well, I'm not against that as a move but man it looked slow. Not only are they moving like a Bruins game is on, but a Bruins game on after Thanksgiving. Murdoch with some punches and kicks and punches and all sorts of moves I hate when done boringly in a squash match. Finally Rikki Nelson tags in and boy is he skinny. He looks emaciated, but his heart is full of fire as he rushes Murdoch. He hits some strikes before Murdoch hits a nice bionic elbow to stop the tide. More punches and Elbows from Murdoch who whips Nelson into the ropes just in time for Slater to pull the top rope down and Nelson to fall to the outside. Now it's Slater's turn to help Murdoch on the outside as Slater throws Nelson into the turnbuckle arm first. This is riveting. Not it's not. It's boring as shit. Nelson back in the ring and Murdoch catches a Fujiwara armbar for the win. That's it?
Not great. Not good either. In fact, let's not call a spade a spade let's call a spade a shovel because that's what it fucking is. This sucks. The Hardliners embody the spirit of a drunk Massachusetts uncle at a bar, while also embodying the fighting style of a drunk Massachusetts uncle at a bar. Slow and full of punches and a random submission he saw on TV once. Look, I know Murdoch and Slater were great wrestlers, but this match did not do it for me at all. I expected a pair of angry brawlers to do that, be angry and brawl. This team should have come in and killed those guys, not walked around with the immediacy of someone's uncle falling asleep during an extra innings red sox game. Fuck this match.
Go Sox
TLDR Review
Murdoch and Slater may as well be from Boston. Rikki and Joey may as well sing for Poison. I thought about 4 different uncles when I was writing this.
If you're interested in more condensed version of my thoughts, You can check out my Twitter where I talk about wrestling or stress out during Boston Celtics games. Hell, I'll even take suggestions for matches you want to see reviewed. You can also check out my Youtube where I make weird videos where I put on wigs in front of a camera to mask my true identity.