Awesome Kong vs Gail Kim TNA Impact 10-11-2007

Awesome Kong vs Gail Kim TNA Impact 10-11-2007

I know what you're thinking.

 Finally, a dude is going to give his opinion of women's wrestling

I know this is like seeing a Unicorn catch a rainbow, but no need to pinch yourself this is really happening. All I'm saying not all heroes wear capes, some talk wrestling. I think it's pretty obvious I'm joking like the professor that housed Dylan's burger, but just in case...I'm joking, like the professor that housed Dylan's burger. A lot of dudes have given a lot of opinions on a lot of women's wrestling over the years, so let's just hope mine ain't so bad.

It has been remarkable to watch the rise of women's wrestling over the past few years. It was a long an arduous process, which has only really picked up momentum in recent years. I think the obvious tipping point for mainstream acceptance was NXT and The Four Horsewomen of Bayley, Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, and Charlotte Flair. Maybe I'm speaking to my own personal experience, but it was the first time I felt the momentum of women's wrestling becoming an equal part of pro wrestling television. This is of course before WWE had to brand it, "Women's Revolution" or "Womens Evolution" or " Women aren't being taken seriously and we're all trying to figure out the guy that did this while Stephanie McMahon is wearing a hot dog costume". Very heavy Tim Robinson entry today apparently. While the NXT women were probably the tipping point, it is interesting to go back and look at how we got here. It wasn't that all of a sudden it shifted perception, there was a slow build that may have gone unnoticed at the time. First we have to give credit to Shimmer, the women;s indepndent wrestling company that helped to build so many of the stars of modern women's wrestling. I do want to see if I can find any Shimmer content for the blog so I don't want to get too deep into it, but I'd be a grade a crum bum if I didn't pause to give them their appropriate praise. It wasn't just Shimmer either, there was another company I think played a unsung part in all this

TNA

I know right? 

Hall of Fame Squash: Roddy Piper vs. AJ Petrucci WWF Championship Wrestling 08-23-1986

Roddy Piper vs. AJ Petrucci  WWF Championship Wrestling 08-23-1986

Roddy Piper is for the moms.

My poor mother has had to deal with my affinity for pro wrestling for years. She has very kindly and politely kept her opinion of how dumb it is to herself. There are only two times I ever saw her out and out enjoy herself during wrestling. The first one is when Shawn Michaels butt came out in the Wrestlemania 10 ladder match. To this day, she can't even talk about it without breaking down into crying bouts of laughter. " HIS ASS WAS OUT THERE AND HE WAS ON THE LADDER BEN IT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER". The other time is when she woke me up to let me know Roddy Piper was in WCW. How she found out Piper debuted I've never figured out.  Every now and then all of a sudden we would get a free PPV on our television and I think that's what happened. She somehow stumbled upon the end of Halloween Havoc 1996 and Piper's debut. Now I mentioned she woke me up to tell me Roddy Piper debuted, but I don't think it was for my benefit. I think she was just genuinely excited Roddy Piper was back and wanted to tell someone, so she woke up her 8 year old son WHO HAD TO BE UP FOR SCHOOL IN SIX HOURS MOM. Don't ask me why , but my mom isn't the only one I've heard of who loved Roddy. I've talked to multiple people over the years who've mentioned that their mom's favorite was Roddy Piper. It's mind-blowing. Was it because he was handsome? Was it because he was funny? Was it because he was a bad buy? I thought about it a lot and I came to one logicial explanation

Because Roddy Piper is awesome as shit

The Naturals and David Young vs 3 Live Kru (Konnan, BG James, and Ron "The Truth" Killings") TNA Impact 06-10-2004

The Naturals and David Young vs 3 Live Kru (Konnan, Road Dogg, and Ron "The Truth" Killings") TNA Impact 06-10-2004

I can't believe I forgot about 3 Live Kru

One of the fun things of the blog has been activating memories that were lost. Things I had just straight up forgot happened. As long as it doesn't resurface some alien abduction trauma, that'll continue to be my favorite part of this blog. Even  with my brain forgetting stuff more than it used to ( WHERES THE FUCKING REMOTE) I can't believe I forgot about 3 Live Kru.  Even my brain forgetting stuff more than it used to ( WHERES THE FUCKING REMOTE) , I can't believe I forgot about 3 Live Kru. Formed in the early days of TNA, 3 Live Kru was comprised of BG James, Ron Killings, and Konnan. At the time, I considered all three of them to be the coolest wrestlers I'd ever seen. Not necessarily the best, but the coolest.  All of them deserve their own entries, but we can do a quick dip into their whole deals. That's the phrase right?

Hall of Fame Squash: The Samoan Swat Team vs Cougar Jay & Jerry Price NWA/WCW World Wide Wrestling 07-21-1989

The Samoan Swat Team vs Cougar Jay & Jerry Price NWA WCW World Wide Wrestling 07-21-1989

I miss the PWI Almanac

For those who don't recall it, starting in the late 90s Pro Wrestling Illustrated released a yearly almanac. I thought that was implied by calling it the PWI Almanac, but since you begged me for clarification.  For a giant wrestling nerd like me it was great, because it featured every PWI 500 ranking ever, every champion of every company ever, every PPV result ever, and tons more I'm forgetting and don't feel like researching. I read that thing constantly. That's back when I was one of them there readers. I didn't want to talk to my family because I was a pre-teen, so I would bring my PWI magazines or PWI Almanac to the dining room table and just read it. I just was constantly thumbing through it. My dad actually once  yelled at me for taking too much time in the bathroom. It dawned on me years later he thought I was masturbating, when it actuality I was just taking my time pooping and reading WCW PPV results. I WASNT JERKING OFF I WAS READING ABOUT CHARLIE NORRIS DAD

"The Taskmaster" Kevin Sullivan vs The Mighty Yankee WCW Main Event 06-09-1996

 "The Taskmaster" Kevin Sullivan vs The Mighty Yankee WCW Main Event 06-09-1996

There's absolutely no chance this match didn't occur just because Kevin Sullivan is a Red Sox fan.

Its June 1996 and in just a few months The Yankees will win yet another goddamn World Series. Meanwhile The Red Sox will finish third in the division and all I remember from that season is it's the year Roger Clemens left. It wasn't exactly the funnest time to be a Red Sox fan, but then again no time before 2004 was fun to be a Red Sox fan. I'm lucky I was born in 88, I only had to hear stories about the drought. It got so bad that once you would hear about someone elderly dying your IMMEDIATE reaction would be to start doing the math to see if they ever saw a Red Sox title.  By the time I was a teenager me and my friends would play a game anytime we found yourself in a large group of people. Whether it be on a subway, or at a parade, or leaving a show..... If you yelled Yankees Suck at least twice, within about 2 minutes a chant would get going. That's a level of petty even Tom can't comprehend. So I can only imagine that Kevin Sullivan, who I believe was booking WCW at the time, saw a gimmick called The Mighty Yankee and decided he needed to work some shit out.

For me personally, Kevin Sullivan is one of the most interesting people in wrestling history. In a business dominated by giants, Kevin Sullivan is billed at 5'9 ( no way) and became a major heel everywhere he went. In 1980s Florida, Kevin fed into the Satanic Panic and became Satan incarnate to that audience. Go back and watch old Florida angles, there was some heavy heavy stuff going on. People thought Kevin Sullivan was the Devil. And most important of all. Most remarkable of all. Most unbelievable of all

He had one of the thickest Boston accents I've ever heard

The Sheepherders vs Bobby Howell and Craig Whitford UWF Power Pro Wrestling 09-09-1987

The Sheepherders vs Bobby Howell and Craig Whitford  09-09-1987

As a society, where do we fall on Sugar Ray?

I assumed as a culture we all have positive feelings about them, but you never know nowadays.  I googled "Mark McGrath cancelled" to make sure he didn't do anything problematic, but the only thing that came up was they cancelled a cruise in 2013 during that Poop Cruise fiasco. Ironically Poop Cruise Fiasco opened for Sugar Ray on their '99 tour. Anyways, Sugar Ray was a band that came to me in a time period of unformed musical taste. As a child,  VH1 and MTV were a constant in my house. The first time I ever heard "Fly" by Sugar Ray, I was like....whoa....this is different. I had never heard of Sugar Ray because I was 11 and I'd only heard of like 10 bands. But it had a cool video, it had a good hook, it had a dude randomly rapping over the lyrics. That would of course be Super Cat. To this day, if "Fly" comes on the radio and it's not the Super Cat version I get kind of bullshit about that. Sugar Ray followed that up with songs like "Every Morning" and "When It's Over" and became the kings of VH1's Top 20 Countdown.  I don't mean this as an insult, but Sugar Ray was a great band for a 11 year old to get into.  They had silly videos, they weren't dirty, and they were fairly toothless. I was 11 years old, I didn't need anything heavy....I just wanted something light.  And also to Fly,

Sometime later on in the 90s, we got an N64 and biweekly trips to the Video Store became the norm. Trips to the video store were always a risk because you were liable to get sucked into a shitty game by cool box art. I don't even know why I picked it, but one week we decided to get Road Rash 64. Wait I know why I picked it, it's a game where you drive a motorcycle and try to kill other people on motorcycles. The math is legit..  It's basically Mad Max and the soundtrack was definitely a lot heavier than what I was used to. My musical taste had been evolving though , but man there was this one song on there I really liked. 

"Mean Machine". 

It was heavy and fast and loud and I thought man, I gotta get one of my friends with Kazaa to get me more from this band.  I was too afraid to have it on my own computer. Anyways what band sings this? It's fucking Sugar Ray?  WHAT? Go back and listen to anything before "Fly", Sugar Ray was a completely different band. They weren't exactly a punk or metal band, but they were way heavier and played way faster. There wasn't any acoustic ballads before Fly, i just Mark McGrath singing about chicks and cars. It blew my mind that this VH1 band could have snuck onto Headbanger's Ball and nobody would have batted an eye. How could these dudes go from singing about a mean machine to singing about their girlfriend's four post bed.

I couldn't understand.

Meng vs T Rantula WCW Saturday Night 05-24-1997

Meng vs T Rantula WCW Saturday Night 05-24-1997

This blog isn't my first crack at it.

Some people who are already reading this might know that already. Most people reading this probably don't though, because it's god.....got to be close to a decade old.  I graduated college in 2012 and promptly began getting my life in order. Just kidding, I worked my usual summer job and then was unemployed for a few months.  I was living at home, didn't have any real bills yet, and had no real direction. I had no fake direction either.  I did have a goal though, one that was easily attainable if I just did a little hard work. 

I wanted to be Bill Simmons

It's insane now, but back then it was merely crazy. A roommate of mine had gotten me into Bill Simmons and I was hooked. I listened to every podcast, , read every column, bought every book. All of It. I thought that if I had all this free time sitting around not working, I could become the Bill Simmons of pro wrestling. I was funny, I was from Boston, I liked run on sentences, I was basically his protégé, he just didn't know it yet. So I gathered my friends and pitched them the idea for a wrestling blog. It would be our Grantland. We'd do match reviews, running diaries, opinion pieces, theme weeks, and everything else Bill and company did. I would of course have my own weekly column because I was 23 and my ego was Hoobastank levels of out of control.. We just needed a name. Something that would intrigue people to visit the site. Something to pay tribute to a wrestler we all loved

ItsRainingMeng

Hall of Fame Squash: Brock Lesnar Vs Spanky WWE SmackDown 08-14-2003

Brock Lesnar Vs Spanky WWE SmackDown 08-14-2003

Two Years.

That's the length of Brock Lesnar's initial WWE run. I know, I couldn't believe it either. Brock Lesnar returned to WWE in 2012, so this second run has lasted five times as long as the initial run.  His initial run though was epic. I don't think WWE has ever successfully pushed a guy to the moon that quickly. They've pushed guys quick, but what said Brock apart was he was actually ready for it.  Lesnar debuted in March 2002 by destroying three guys in a hardcore match . This was before I was the internet, so all I had to go on was a PWI 500 entry written while Lesnar was in OVW that mentioned he could do a shooting star press.  I could be wrong, but I don't think Lesnar's gimmick  in OVW was even close to "absolute monster psycho". Didn't he wear a singlet and do amateur wrestling stuff?  So imagine the surprise when he shows up with Paul Heyman and murders poor Spike Dudley with powerbombs. The Lesnar push continued, so much so that within SIX MONTHS he wins the King of the Ring, Beats Hulk Hogan, and Beats The Rock to become the WWE Undisputed Champion. Not only that, but it never felt like he was shoved down people's throats. He just was that good and got that over that quickly.  He then goes through regular WWE badass heel champion routine. Loses the belt, turns babyface, becomes babyface champion, feuds with some guys,  and of course has to turn back heel because they realize he's better at it . Whenever a monster that has turned face needs to  e turned back heel, WWE has always been great at immediately throwing them into the fire to remove any trace of likability. Someone must be sacrificed to the gods of Heel Heat

Sorry Spanky

Tank Abbott vs Villano IV WCW Saturday Night 02-06-2000

Tank Abbott vs Villano IV WCW Saturday Night 02-06-2000

It is shocking that the UFC is as mainstream as it is.

I'm a 90s kid, and so UFC came around when I was very young. I don't remember the first time I saw it. Maybe it was on one of those PPV preview channels, maybe it was in a video store, maybe someone ordered it and I saw a clip. All I know was as a child I thought, isn't that the show where they kill people? That was basically how I thought it was marketed, I thought the UFC was a show where people fought to the death. It's not like UFC did much to dissuade that reputation, but I'm sure I took a big leap in logic there. UFC was forbidden in our house, but it's not like I was clamoring to watch it. I cried with Yokozuna beat Bret Hart for the WWF title, I don't think I'd have reacted well to seeing an actual murder. I was fascinated by it as a forbidden thing. The UFC section was next to the Wrestling Tapes at the video store, and so I'd look at the back of the boxes and try to figure out what it was all about. On the playground, there was always at least one kid who said they had watched UFC it but I'm going to bet they were full of shit. YOUR MOM DOESNT LET YOU WATCH POWER RANGERS KEVIN, YOU DIDNT WITNESS A MURDER.

It's weird to think about how you could be aware of things you never saw, but even as a kid without ever seeing UFC there were 3 names I am confident I knew existed. Obviously I knew Ken Shamrock from his WWF run. Royce Gracie I knew because he was the face of UFC. Then, there was Tank Abbott. There are either two reasons I knew who Tank Abbott and I can't remember why. Option one was, his name was Tank Abbott and he looked like that so  there was no way I was going to forget him. Option two, he was on Friends in that episode where Jon Favreau's character joins the UFC. It's probably half of one, six dozen of another. Either way, Tank Abbott was someone that even as a child I recognized was an absolute monster. One of those guys you don't want to run into in a dark alley. 

Although I mean, I don't want to run into anyone down a dark alley. It's a dark alley. It's scary

The Fake Undertaker (Brian Lee) vs Butch Banks WWF Raw 08-01-1994

The Fake Undertaker (Brian Lee) vs Butch Banks WWF Raw 08-01-1994

Wrestling is so stupid and I love it

It took me a long time  to say it out loud. because I spent years defending pro wrestling. If you've been a fan long enough, you know what I'm talking about. At a certain point in my life, you have to defend wrestling from everyone. Maybe it's your parents, maybe its your friends, maybe its the movies, maybe it's the books, maybe it's the government, maybe it's the crooks. Chris Gaines> Garth Brooks.  Whomever it is, it typically involves being told how stupid or fake professional wrestling is. When you're younger, you can't accept it because you can't accept that idea that it isn't cool.  So, you try your work arounds and to try and sway their point of view. Well actually wrestling requires super athletic ability. Well actually wrestling does a lot of damage to the participant's bodies. Well actually wrestlers sacrifice a lot for the business. All those things can be true, and sometimes you can change someone's mind. You can change their point of view. But it doesn't change a fundamental truth.

Wrestling is so stupid

Hall of Fame Squash: Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Marty Garner WWF Superstars 06-01-1996

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Marty Garner WWF Superstars 06-01-1996

I think Triple H might be the worst wrestler of all time

I know I'm being a little bit ESPN First Takey with that take, ironically the first of this blog entry, but I'm about 80 percent sure I believe it. I'm reserving a 20 percent chance that I'm either forgetting someone I enjoy less or that I'm letting my biases cloud my judgement. And believe me I am biased.  I lived through the HHH reign of terror of the 2000s in WWE. It was awful. I've seen some revisionist history of " WWE needed a heel" and " actually the matches were good" , and I've prepared a thoughtful and measured response

Fuck off Dude

Don Muraco vs Captain Badd UWF Fury Hour 02-15-1991

Don Muraco vs Captain Badd  UWF Fury Hour 02-15-1991

If you read the title of this entry and thought, "maybe this match will surprise me". It will not. This is going to be exactly what your gut was telling it was. It is going to be Badd.  This match has all the hallmarks of a bad squash match. First we have an older version of Don Muraco. I do like Don Muraco  .Don will be definitely showing up later in the blog because Don was super fun during some squash matches, including at one point eating a meatball sub during a match. He was someone who seemed to get that you had to do something to stand out in those situations.  The problem is Don is way past his prime here. He's 42 years old and he's not so much "The Rock" anymore as much as he's " Fucking 42 years old with a thick fucking belly". Also working against this match is the fact it's in Herb Abrams' UWF. UWF was a legendary flop of a wrestling company run by a man who thought he could compete with Vince McMahon. Some say he lacked hubris, other say it's because he was a coked out psycho. Little of column a, lot of column b. There's far too much about Herb Abrams for me to explain, so just know that UWF has their own Dark Side of the Ring episode . Nobody gets a Dark Side of the Ring because everything went swimmingly. Lastly, we have maybe the best jobber name of all time

Captain Badd

That's the only reason I watched this match, because I wanted to see Captain Badd.  The Captain is just a guy in a mask. That's It. I had pictured a nautical themed wrestler or an army captain, but no Captain Badd is just a guy in a mask. I'm not even disappointed because it's appropriate. It certainly is Badd.

I know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards

Ryback vs. Chris Lyons and Ryan Shelton WWE SmackDown 06-01-2012

Ryback vs. Chris Lyons and Ryan Shelton WWE SmackDown 06-01-2012

Ryback is proof that tastes can change.

For so long, I was the stereotypical shitty "smart" wrestling fan. I hate to even phrase it that way, but I think it's the easiest way to indicate what I mean. I couldn't fathom a good match being under fifteen minutes long. Pro Wrestlers needed time to tell a story damnit, and I needed at least five minutes of pointless chain wrestling. I was all about technical wrestling and high flyers and long-term storytelling damnit. But as I got older, those walls came down. I found myself caring less and less about the moves and more about the characters. I still appreciated good wrestling, but there's nothing wrong with some variety in the diet.  Like how now I eat broccoli instead of mac and cheese every day. At that point, I began to appreciate violence.  Like how now I eat Chipotle sometimes even though it means I occasionally have to block out my afternoon for toilet reasons. I began to realize that my favorite wrestling is the kind where a dude looks like he's beating the shit out of the other guy. Simulated Violence mixed with, well probably a little bit of actual violence.  That was my jam. I don't know when exactly I realized my tastes had changed so much, but I think I know when I knew for Sure

The Ryback

Hall of Fame Squash: Test vs. Billy Yates WWF Jakked 06-02-2001

Test vs. Bill Yates WWF Jakked 06-02-2001

Test has probably the weirdest debut in wrestling.

People will immediately go to The Shockmaster or Gobbledy Gooker, but I said the weirdest not the worst. Coming out of an egg is pretty weird, but I'd argue debuting as Motley Crue's bodyguard...in 1998... On Sunday Night Heat.....while they're promoting their classic album Generation Swine. 

That debut sounds like the Mad Libs of someone who lacks imagination. 

He shows up, bounces some guy during the Motley Crue concert and then 2 weeks later he's in The Corporation. He is given the name Test because he either says Test ....Test, like a roadie or because you had to pass "The Test" or I swear someone said steroid test one.  Either way, it's still debated heavily to this day, amongst people with literally nothing better to do. Test got a big push and a big romance angle with Stephanie McMahon of all people. All the piece were together for a big Test run, but it never came. Test solidly tapped out at the upper-midcard, but he never even got a sniff at a top guy run. You figure he would had gotten at least one, "Shit we need a heel opponent for this month...uhhhhh let's do an angle where Test left Austin's beer out and it's flat and Austin's mad". There's been theories and speculation about why Test never the full push. Some think he just didn't have the mic skills, some think he didn't have the in-ring ablity, some think he was a victim of the HHH reign of terror. I'm always going to say the third one. The HHH ruined everything is a great conspiracy theory because you can't disprove it and it doesn't end in anti-Semitism.  Regardless of why it didn't happen, I think WWE did Test dirty. Test was an incredibly fun wrestler, and really agile for a big man. Plus, he had an eyebrow piercing and dudes with eyebrow piercings in 2001 were cool. The guy from Drowning Pool had a pierced eyebrow. Case Closed.  Drowning Pool should have Test's theme, that was the missing piece. When I was a teenager I was a big Drowning Pool fan and a shitty little atheist so I thought my AIM screenname should reflect that...and it did.

DpownsJesus

Shark Boy vs Abyss TNA Impact 06-04-04

Shark Boy vs Abyss TNA Impact 06-04-04

Finally I get to talk about TNA on Fox Sports Network.

I know I've mentioned in at least one previous entry how much I loved TNA Impact on FSN and that I wanted to talk about it more. No time like the present, unless you're the Spice Girls and you're throwing some complicated Stephen Hawking Theory of Everything crap about if you want my future forget my past. 

Sidebar, I dare you to re-watch the Wannabe video and not see how bored Posh Spice seems by the whole thing. Everyone is trying really really hard, except her.

Back to TNA.  It's hard to remember exactly, but I knew I was aware of TNA's existence back in 2004. I was online enough where I had heard of TNA and read stuff about it, but none of it really registered. To me it was the company that ran weekly PPVS with Jeff Jarrett. However, when I found out TNA was going to be on FSN I was so excited. I was probably also the only person in the world excited it was a Friday afternoon. I have a younger brother and so after school I would have to go home and get him off the bus and...well that was basically it.  I was a moody teenager so I'd just mope around and complain until my parents got home so I could see my friends.

I really was the absolute worst guys. 

Jake Roberts vs Dusty Wolfe WWF Superstars 09-05-1987

Jake Roberts vs  Dusty Wolfe WWF Superstars 09-05-1987

I've watched probably thousands of squash matches.

Not for the blog obviously, but over the years I've had to have seen at least 4 digits worth of wimpies.  My dominant wrestling fandom started in the early 90s, so I had some glorious days of syndicated television. Hours spent watching men with bad haircuts and beer bellys getting their bell rung by roided up monsters. 

The Good Old Days.

 Over the past few years I've gone back and watched more as my Youtube Algorithm has been destroyed. All it recommends me now are squash matches and Leon The Lobster videos. I recommend Leon if you want to get emotional about a man rescuing a grocery store lobster and raising it as a pet. So suffice to say, I've seen a lot. Of squash matches, Leon the Lobster only has like five videos. If you've noticed from the blog, a lot of them fall into a pattern. Not all patterns are bad, I'm a plaid advocate myself.  A lot of squashes sort of echo previous squashes I've either covered in the blog or seen before

But of fucking course Jake Roberts is going to be the guy to break it.

Jake Roberts is someone who should be considered overrated. Whenever someone in wrestling is constantly praised for "having a great mind for the business" or "amazing psychology" or " looking more like Sam Elliot than me because my hair just won't turn grey quick enough", there's an instinct to downplay it. He is just constantly put over as a great wrestler and a great mind, surely it has to be a bunch of bullshit. 

Notice I said should be overrated.

Lazertron vs Randy Mulkey NWA Pro 03-07-1987

Lazertron vs Randy Mulkey  NWA Pro  03-07-1987

I've only trusted one robot in my entire life

His name was Alfie and he was a Tiger Electronics 2-Xl. I don't know why his name was Alfie, but it was. Alfie was a robot with a cassette player for a belly.  He had a portable handle and a headphone jack which allowed me to bring him everywhere. In what predicated my enjoyment of podcasts by about 25 years, I had so many story cassette tapes that I would listen with Alfie. I had The X-Men, I had the Ninja Turtles, I had the Power Rangers, I had probably a tape from some knockoff franchise that one of my relatives I didn't like got me.  I wanted to name names so bad right there. Every night I would put on my headphones, put on Alfie and go to bed....and by go to bed I mean spent hours listening too it until I actually wanted to sleep. Alfie didn't just allow the ability to tell stories, Alfie allowed you to play games.. At the bottom of the robot, Alfie had buttons that would allow you to answer questions . Sometimes it was a question about what you wanted to hear, or sometimes it would be testing your knowledge.  I loved Alfie and I loved to play the game. Well one night Alfie has be a question, "Would it be bad if all the bugs died? It only took me two seconds to answer it, no it'd be amazing. Just that summer I was stung by a bee for the first time in my life, and then less than 24 hours later I was stung by a bee for the second time in my life. I'm a grown man, I pay taxes, I still kind of freak out when I see a bee. I'm not allergic, I'm just a coward of the county. The only WASP I enjoy better have Blackie Lawless in spandex. So yes, I told Alfie I wanted the bugs gone. There is a really good chance I am about to exaggerate, but I swear this is the just of what he told me"

Money Inc (Ted DiBiase & IRS) vs Reno Riggins & Gary Sabough WWF March to Wrestlemania IX 03-28-1993

Money Inc (Ted DiBiase & IRS) vs Reno Riggins &  Gary Sabough WWF March to Wrestlemania IX 03-28-1993

It always makes me laugh when leftist ideas sneak their way into wrestling.

It doesn't happen very often.  I love pro wrestling, but historically it's politics have always leaned towards conservative. Leaned? who am I kidding. All you need for evidence is well.... take your pick. Do you want to start with the race-bating, the homophobia, the xenopohobia, the sexism, the misogny, or another ism I either forgot about or didn't realize their was a name for yet.  Obviously some changes have been made recently, but it's very glaring to see those conservative values in early pro wres. That said, every now and then it dawns on me something in wrestling can be viewed as leftist and nobody ever seemed to notice

Money Inc

Hear me out, on one hand you have "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase. His gimmick is not only that he's rich, but that he's a rich asshole. He has all this money and won't share it with anyone. He has employees that he won't pay a fair wage. He's generally a miserable and arrogant human being that tries to buy his way through everything. 

He's Jeff Bezos. 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Rich Myers WWF Wrestling Challenge 11-14-1993

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Rich Myers  WWF Wrestling Challenge 11-14-1993

Did you guys know Major Payne was a remake?

That's right, the Damon Wayans military movie is a remake. Blew my mind when I found out. I was in a Goodwill and I saw a tape for a movie called The Private War of Major Benson starring Charlton Helston. The Private War of Major Benson starring Charlton Heston isn't the name of the movie, it's The Private War of Major Benson and it stars Charlton Heston. Anyways, as I read the description I slowly realize this was the plot to Major Payne. That movie was a cable TV staple and never in that time did I ever realize it was a remake. So why do I  bring this up?

Bam Bam Bigelow is in Major Payne.

Hak (The Sandman) vs Bull Payne WCW Saturday Night 05-08-1999

Hak (The Sandman) vs Bull Payne  WCW Saturday Night 05-08-1999

"Do you think the original band name was Metallic, but when James Hetfield pitched it he prounced it as Metallic-AH"

It was 1 AM, on the way home from the Providence Dave and Buster's when a friend of mine asked me that question. It may be quite possibily the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me. The kind of laughter that took over my body where I thought, this is how I die...laughing at James Hetfield's weird verbal quirks.  I didn't even have  o question the joke, I understood exactly what he meant. If you were born in the 80s and had even a casual interest in rock music, you liked Metallica. I'm not going to pretend I'm a die-hard Metallica fan. I was once exposed during a game of Rock Band for not knowing the words to Ride the Lightning and my friends have made fun of me for 15 years for it.   As a kid, I first saw Metallica on MTV with the Until It Sleeps video and though I thought the band was pronounced " Met-a-licka" I was captivated. This was the short-haired too Metallica, that was the Metallica I grew up with.  The Metallica of Load and...Re-load.  Admittedly, not the cleverest of  album names. I was still a kid when those albums came out, I hadn't really formed my musical opinions ye, .but in 2003 I was 15 and I was ready. Finally, a Metallica album is coming out. I was so amped, especially when MTV was going to do a World Premiere video. I had liked Metallica for a long time, but this album was going to be when I loved Metallica. Alright Metallica, what's the name of this  again?

St. Anger

Hall of Fame Squash: Bludgeon Brothers ( Luke Harper and Erick Rowan) vs Colin Delaney and Joe Monroe WWE Smackdown 12-12-2017

Hall of Fame Squash: Bludgeon Brothers ( Luke Harper and Erick Rowan) vs Colin Delaney and Joe Monroe  WWE Smackdown 12-12-2017

In the movies, they just take off the ugly girl's glasses and they're pretty.

It's just so simple and cliche that I'm not even going to list examples of films ,you already know all of them.  All a woman needs to do in the movie is take off her glasses and va-va-voom all the boys are into her. It's not just women either, there's plenty of movies where an ugly boy becomes a stone cold babe when he switches to contacts. Yes, eventually in the movie you realize beauty is on and inside and all that crap, but still the transformation is too simple. In real life you can't just take off the glasses, you have to look deep to find real beauty. God it's....it's  exhausting.

I wish I could just She's All That The Bludgeon Brothers.

Samoa Joe Vs Delirious TNA Impact 06-21-2005

 Samoa Joe Vs Delirious TNA Impact 06-21-2005

Samoa Joe in TNA was such a huge deal for me

I've probably mentioned before how big a fan of was of Ring of Honor, but in case I haven't here we go.  In 2004 I discovered ROH and fell in love with it . I set out to watch as much ROH as possible and between tapes and other....less legal methods. By 2005 I was fully invested in ROH and it's lore. I'm pretty sure ROH DVDs were the first thing I ever got my parents to purchase over the internet. We had a PO Box and so the days we would go and get that slip that said, Come to the Main Counter, were the best days. Days we got that slip and the counter were closed, were the worst days.  I grew up lower middle class, my life was low stakes back then.

I loved ROH, but I could only watch so much. I couldn't afford to get every DVD and the less than legal means didn't always have the best video quality. I don't think I was even aware of Youtube yet, and so that avenue was closed. Luckily, I had TNA. I mentioned before what a game-changer TNA was for me. A national television product featuring so many new wrestlers, mixed in with veterans I had fond memories of.  The news of Samoa Joe showing up there meant I would get to see him every week now!

Bit of a monkey's paw situation though

Hall of Fame Squash: The Quebecers vs Dan Dubiel and Scott Despres WWF Superstars 08-21-1993

The Quebecers (Jacques Rougeau and PCO) vs Dan Dubiel and Scott Despres WWF Superstars 08-21-1993

'We're not the Mounties"

Say what you will about the pettiness of Vince McMahon, but it's never been so beautifully represented than the lyrics to the theme of The Quebecers. Prior to The Quebecers team, Jacques Rougeau played The Mountain...a villainous Canadian Law Enforcement official. 

ACAB. All Canadians are Bad. 

Well for some reason, the actual Canadian Mounties took offense and it became a whole thing. I don't know if it was because of the controversy or  just a a coincidence, but The Mountie left for a few months. When he returned Jacques was not alone. With him was Pierre, better known nowadays as PCO. Together they formed a tag team known as The Quebecers. They were adamant, they were not the Mounties. They were just angry French-Canadians who  wore modified versions of The Mountie gear. I've mentioned my affinity for The New Generation, and so obviously I hated them. As I came of age on the internet, they were a team I never heard discussed.  I assumed , incorrectly, they were just a goofy gimmick. Luckily over the past decade, The stock of The Quebecers did rise. There were enough prominent fans telling people, you should really go back and check those guys out. And so, I did and oh my god The Quebecers ruled .Especially in the squash matches. I am not sure who to give credit too, but someone pointed me in the direction of this squash years ago and the game done changed

This might be the greatest Tag Team Squash match of all time

Bill Kazmaier vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker WCW Pro 09-07-1991

Bill Kazmaier vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker  WCW Pro 09-07-1991 

I loved The World's Strongest Man Competitions

I never knew when they were going to be on, but any Sunday afternoon they showed up on ESPN 2 was a great Sunday afternoon. Believe me, it was always a Sunday afternoon for some reason My dad loved it too, so whenever one of us stumbled upon it we had to make sure to let the other one know. For me the appeal was obvious, big massive adults lifting big things. What could be better? I think for my dad, the appeal was he probably thought if he really tried he could do it too. The male ego is something else guys. I love my dad, but on more than one occasion he would veer into Uncle Rico " Bet you I could throw a football over those mountains" territory.  As I got older it seemed like it  was one of those things nobody else knew about. Until one night at a party my friends  someone threw out a reference to it, and we started  talking about it. I never had said Magnus Ver Magnusson out loud before that night. It was a blast. Finally, by the end of the night we were just drunk and pretending everything was an atlas stone. If you needed a beer,  it was a guaranteed someone was going to do the Atlas Stone shuffle with a Bud Light for you.  So suffice to say, I love the World's Strongest Man

But god World's Strongest Man wrestlers suck.

Well Dunn vs. Gary Sabaugh & Mike Khoury WWF Mania 11-27-1994

Well Dunn vs. Gary Sabaugh & Mike Khoury 11-27-1994

On paper, I should love Well Dunn

They check so many of the boxes of things I love about wrestling. For starters, they wrestled during the WWF New Generation era. It's the best era of wrestling despite what anyone tells you. People will tell me I'm viewing that era through rose colored glasses but the jokes on them because I wear contacts.   Also working in Well Dunn's favor is they  look absolutely ridiculous. Neon singlets with a thong up their butt that makes them look like extra for the Eric Pryde Call on Me video.  Their tag name is a pun, something I've been pretty clear that I love. Well Dunn is an objectively tag duo moniker.  That said, while Steven Dunn is a fine name...Timothy Well sounds so wimpy. I think it's really hard for me to get behind a wrestler named Timothy. Timothy Thatcher has done a lot to bring power to the name, but he's fighting an uphill  losing battle. Most importantly of all , they're a Southern Heel Tag Team, which I've realized is my favorite kind of tag team. I love two heels who constantly need to cheat, but when it's time to take a comeback they fly around all over the place and look like goofballs. Before they were Well Dunn, they were known as The Southern Rockers for god's sake. I should love them.

On Paper

Jushin "Thunder" Liger vs. Sweet Brown Sugar WCW Prime 12-25-1995

Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Sweet Brown Sugar  WCW Prime 12-25-1995

Within 24 hours Tom Brady played his final game for the Patriots and Jushin Liger retired.

At first glance , there isn't much of a comparison. For most people, you have to look pretty hard to find the similarities between them. But for me it seems obvious.  It's because I'm a weirdo. Both of them had been around so long in my life that to have them out of it was, well it didn't seem possible. Tom Brady became a starting quarterback for the Patriots when I was in the 8th grade. By the time he left I was 32. That meant that for more than half of my entire life, Tom Brady was a constant. Not only a constant, but a constant source of positivity. Sports are inherently silly, but when you're having a rough day and then Tom Brady comes out and destroys another team....you can go...well at least I'm not those guys. Obviously it's different because Brady is still around the league, but it's not the same. A lot of people around here are trying to pretend that they're rooting for Brady just as much , but it's self delusional. He's gone man. He left us. Just move on. On January 4th 2020 he played his last game as a New England Patriot, and set forth to ugh...Tampa.

Hall of Fame Squash: Vader vs Randy Hogan WCW Worldwide 01-22-1994

 Hall of Fame Squash: Vader vs Randy Hogan WCW Worldwide 01-22-1994

Holy Fucking Shit

So a lot of times with this blog, I try to sort of tell personal anecdotes to lead into the match reviews.  I do that for a couple reasons. One is because I like to think that people enjoy finding out my history and my point of view. The other reason is, I got to pump that word count up baby . I love squash matches, I really do , but it's not very often I can get a full blog entry by just describing the match. Most of the time I'm trying to think of a different way to describe "guy is tired and so he just does a shitty armbar for a while". But, then a match comes along that has more to unpack that Phineas Fogg's luggage

Vader vs Randy Hogan

Today's entry is an episode of WCW Worldwide from January 1994. In one corner is The Man They Call Vader, a contender for the title of Greatest Squash Match Wrestler of all time. He will be showing up plenty of times in this blog so  we're not going to dive too deep into him. All you need to know is jobbers would sometimes walk out instead of getting in the ring for him. To make it even worse for our future victim, Vader recently lost the WCW World Title to Ric Flair so he has a bit more to prove here tonight. His opponent is Randy Hogan, who looks like

You guessed it Frank Stallone.

Monty Brown vs Mikey Batts and Jerrelle Clark TNA Impact 10-15-2005

Monty Brown vs Mikey Batts and Jerrelle Clark TNA Impact 10-15-2005

I don't know if I ever loved a basketball player like I loved Isaiah Thomas in 2017

I've had players I've liked more, I've had players I liked longer, but I don't know if I ever felt such intense affection for an NBA player like I did for Isaiah. Billed at 5'9, but probably smaller, Isaiah came to the Celtics in a trade deadline deal. He instantly won over the fanbase, because his ability more than outpaced his size. In the 2016-2017 season especially, Isaiah became a force. He became known as The King in the Forth for his penchant for late game heroics. That whole team was an absolute blast. It was an Island of Misfit Toys. A bunch of weird parts that made no sense individually but combined to form a great team. Their Seven Game Series against The Wizards is my favorite basketball series I ever watched featuring The Kelly Olynyk game. A game dominated by a 7 foot White Canadian who looked like Shaun White meeting Rocky Dennis. It was amazing. With the series win they were heading to the Eastern Conference Finals and Isaiah was going to lead them to the finals. All they had to do to get there was beat Lebron James and The Cleveland Cavaliers. Sure it was daunting, but Isaiah had heart damnit. This was our sports movie moment and we were going to shock the world. Lebron was around forever, eventually someone was going to take him down. Isaiah was going to do it.

They lost in 5 games.

Super Mario vs The Hawk USWA 08-14-1993

Super Mario vs The Hawk USWA 08-14-1993

"Run like the wind, don't fall like the potato"

Whenever I think about Super Mario, I think of my dad yelling that at the television as we played. When I was young, my dad was a painter and so he was able to work around his schedule more and take care of me during the day. He was basically Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom most days. My mom worked in a hotel including some overnights, so for the first few years it was  just me and my dad a lot of the time.  My dad had a lot of little kid energy, so that's the stuff we did. Whether it be super soaker fights, or trips to the beach, or letting me climb a rock and then I fell and smashed my head open and when he told me I split  my head open I assumed I had turned into Robert Patrick from Terminator 2 when he gets shot.

Regular  Dad and Son Stuff

Aldo Montoya vs. Tony Williams WWF Wrestling Challenge 07-30-1995

Aldo Montoya vs. Tony Williams  WWF Wrestling Challenge 07-30-1995

I'll never say a bad word about Aldo Montoya/PJ Walker/Justin Credible/PJ Polacco.

It was July 1995, ironically three days before this match aired. For my birthday, my grandfather had arranged for myself, my father, and my grandfather to travel to Cohasset to see a WWF House show at the South Shore Music Circus. The Music Circus is basically a summer venue, an open air amphitheater with permanent seating, but a big tent over it. He took us to an Italian restaurant and I ate Spaghetti and Meatballs. I  felt like I was living the life of luxury. Spaghetti and Meatballs was not a typical out to dinner meal for young Ben Pasco, so this...this was special. It was a very special night and I thanked my grandfather for it.

What I didn't know is he was sick.

The Moondogs vs Tim Wilson and George Robertson USWA 01-11-1992

The Moondogs vs Tim Wilson and George Robertson USWA 01-11-1992

I can't believe Samoa Joe is booked here.

That's what I said to my friend Michael as we sat in a Knights of Columbus in Bridgewater Massachusetts. Through some sheer coincidence of luck, Samoa Joe ( currently in TNA) was making a random appearance about two miles from my college.  I can't get the timeframe exactly right, but this was a Joe that was still  a fresh and  big deal in TNA. How the hell did he get booked here. We surveyed the scene and were  baffled. The Patriot was here. King Kahlua was here. Shortsleeve Sampson was here. Danny Davis was  the top babyface.  That's right, WWF heel referee Danny Davis. Samoa Joe?.....here?. Listen it wasn't a great show, but it was a real weird show. Samoa Joe wrestled Josh Daniels  of all people in the main event. While everyone else chanted TNA my friend and I tried to get a Zero-1 chant going. Joe won of course, and  the curtain was open just enough for us to see Joe  said something to the promotor. I won't repeat what it was....because...well.. I don't actually  know.....but he was not pleased. I honestly can't remember much more of that night other than Joe except for one wrestler

Moondog....Something

Hulk Hogan vs Boris Zhukov WWF Superstars 05-14-1988

Hulk Hogan vs Boris Zhukov WWF Superstars 05-14-1988

I was never diagnosed with Hulkamania

I was born in 1988, so Hulk was still around when I was watching wrestling as a child, but his time in WWF was coming to an end.  The first WWF memory of Hulk Hogan I have is when he came to Monday Night Raww to team with Brutus Beefcake and "thanked the big man upstairs". I assumed he was talking about the recently passed Andre the Giant. I was a dumb kid.  I cried after Bret Hart lost to Yokozuna at Wrestlemania 9 and so I missed Hogan winning the belt.  A couple months later  a defective Kodak camera flashed in his face and Hogan lost to Yoko and that was it. He was gone to WCW

I liked Hulk Hogan, but that's because I liked all the babyfaces. I had a lot of Hulk merch, but I think that was from relatives going "This is the one wrestler I know...this little idiot likes wrestling....here have a Hulk Hogan tote bag".  I still have that bag, i keep plastic bags in it I sometimes use to pick up my dog's poop. Never metaphor I didn't like. Most of the other merch is gone now and I don't miss any of it for any reason other than what I could sell it on ebay for. The one piece I do miss is my cassette tape of Hulk Hogan and The Wrestling Boot Band. The Band consisted of Hulk Hogan, Linda Hogan, Jimmy Hart, and I never bothered to figure out who else. They released one album and I listened to the casette all the time. I know everyone loves "Hulkster in Heaven", but the real gem is the only Jimmy Hart vocals on the album " The Wrestling Boot Traveling Band". It's awesome. Seriously. Shut up, if that goblin faced Ed Sheerin did this song everyone would love it. 

Sabu vs Harry New Baker WCW Prime 09-25-1995

Sabu vs Harry New Baker WCW Prime 09-25-1995

Homicidal? Sure 

Suicidal? Makes Sense

Genocidal?....Uhhh what?

Though I never quite understood how Sabu's wrestling gimmick was related to ethnic cleansing, I was able to ignore it because Sabu was awesome. I've talked before that I feel like I missed the boat with ECW,  but for those who didn't read that entry the jist of it was I was just a little too young for it's glory days. Luckily, that's where Bill Apter came in because ECW was all over issues of PWI, Wrestling America, Inside Wrestling, Outside Wrestling, Wrestling on Wrestling, Wrestling Digest, Wrestling Weekly, etc . Sabu was tailored made for the pages of Pro Wrestling Illustrated. The Apter Mags thrived on dangerous and mysterious wrestlers with androgynous backstories that they can twist to suit the narrative of the story. While I never saw Sabu much, I was familiar with who he was

P.N. News vs. Mike Fever WCW Worldwide 10-05-1991

P.N. News vs. Mike Fever  WCW Worldwide 10-05-1991

My rap name was White Rice.

Yeah it's the most embarrassing thing I've talked about on here. I'm dumping this as  a Saturday entry because I think it's the day people are on here the least and I'm cringing typing this. It was the early 2000s and Eminem got all of us teenaged white boys feeling ourselves A BIIITTTT too much. So, I created a fake rapper for myself and tried to learn how to freestyle. It did not go great. Well hey I tried...in front of my friends...many...many...many times. Luckily this whole phase probably only lasted six weeks or so, but it makes my spirit leave my body just thinking about it. The worst part is, I would do it at the mall and people heard me do it. There wasn't a lot to do when you were a teenager  around here so the mall was the only place to go that wasn't a cranberry bog. Well, people recognized me as "White Rice". It still haunts me. Like I said, it wasn't a long period of time where I thought I would have the ability to rap but it's stuck in my craw.

I can only imagine how PN News feels.

The Toxic Turtles vs Ron Preston and Tommy Stevenson WWF Wrestling Challenge 03-09-1993 *Dark Match*

The Toxic Turtles vs Ron Preston and Tommy Stevenson Unaired WWF Wrestling Challenge 03-09-1993

Seeing a nude scene with your dad is uncomfortable enough, but seeing it in a crowded theater when you're 14 is even worse.

I had convinced my dad that I absolutely, positively needed to see Freddy vs Jason on opening night.   It's not that he had anything against horror movies and didn't want to me to see it, it's just he...didn't want to go . At the time I didn't understand it, but now I can't help but relate. I love watching movies but going to the movie theater....I don't know man.. Until we get teleportation going my Letterboxed is always  going to be lacking. Back to the boobs. Within the first two minutes of the movie there was a nude scene and I felt my dad sort of awkwardly squirm in his seat. 

Shit was on

What followed was a movie I still love. I know it has it's flaws and I know it's very very  very 2000s, but I had such a blast. It was my first R-rated movie in a theater. Ever since I was a kid I liked Jason Voorhees, even if I never was able to see his films.  His films, like he's frigging Kurosawa. He didn't scare me like he scared other kids, he was just a big guy in the mask that looked cool. As I got older I tried to get more into horror. Listen, I was chubby, pale , into heavy metal and had long black hair....in retrospect I think I was trying to shape my personality into what it seemed destined to become. 

The problem is, I'm a big old scaredy-cat.

Kane vs. The Hurricane WWE Raw 09-29-2003

Kane vs. The Hurricane WWE Raw 09-29-2003

I'm not entirely sure if I'm an asshole in the next paragraph. I didn't have time to post on the reddit subreddit to confirm

I had a teacher in high school who constantly bragged about her vocabulary. She was an English teacher, so I get it, but she would constantly use ten dollar words when a one dollar word would suffice. There's nothing about having a big vocabulary that's bad, but even as a teenager it was clear to me this was more for her benefit than for mine. I still hate the world facetious. She wasn't a bad teacher,  she was actually pretty good .In fact her teaching of Macbeth is why I still walk about my house doing the "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow"  speech as various pro wrestlers. You haven't lived until you heard a Stone Cold Soliloquy. But, (can't be that great of a teacher, I just started a sentence with but) the whole vocabulary thing could be a bit annoying. It rubbed my friend Aaron the wrong way so much that he would mess with her every single day. He would sit in the front row, and point up. That's all he would do. He would sit there with his finger pointed to the sky and every now and then he would glance up.  Every single time , she fell for it and she looked. She never caught on, never figured out what he was doing...just that every class she would look up multiple times while talking to us and not catch on to what she was doing. She had a big vocabulary, but she was also capable of less than intelligent moments.

Much like Glenn Jacobs

The Undertaker vs Dan Robbins WWF Superstars 06-01-1991

The Undertaker vs Dan Robbins WWF Superstars 06-01-1991

Mark Calaway sucks, but The Undertaker rules

It feels kind of silly to try and play the "seperate the art from the artist" game, when the artist is a fictional zombie who puts people in caskets for a living. But, it's a blog about pro wrestling and like Hyman Roth said "This is the business we have chosen".  Over the past couple years, The Undertaker has done a lot to damage to his legacy.  First there's his performances in the latter end of his career. After years of defying the odds and putting on banger after banger, Undertaker very quickly became a sad shell of himself. There's something to be said about getting out too early as opposed to too late, and The Undertaker got out later than Bob Costas...or Greg Kinnear...or Carson Daly....is this NBC late night joke hitting at all? I should I should have stopped while I was ahead. LIKE THE UNDERTAKER.  There is also the Undertaker's recent desire for the spotlight and his turn into HTH, Hunter Thirst Helmsley. Maybe it's because of his self-inflicted commitment to kayfabe over the years, but as soon as he felt he was "done"( no way that's true) , Undertaker did  every form of media he could. Documentary, interviews, television, cameos, podcasts, etc. Even Hillbilly Jim thought his Hall of Fame speech went on a bit too long. With that milking of  attention for everything it's worth, came issue number three for a lot of people. I don't want to be unfair here so let's try to be kind and just refer to them as his stupid fucking beliefs.

So there, what I think are the main reasons why The Deadman don't give people the warm and fuzzies like he used to. Rightfully so, there has been a real backlash against The Undertaker recently. As you can imagine, I'm right there with a lot of people . I think Taker sucks.  The problem is sometimes people become intellectually dishonest about the whole thing. I know, that sounds douchey. I promise this is just about wrestling, I'm not going to discuss men's rights or anything. What I mean is, It's fine to not like The Undertaker anymore, but then it gets to the part where people pretend he sucks and he always sucked and they never liked him.

I call it The Limp Bizkit Effect

Hook vs Fuego Del Sol AEW Rampage 12-10-2021

Hook vs Fuego Del Sol AEW Rampage 12-10-2021

Tony Khan has some balls on him.

No I am not talking about letting Urban Meyers coach his football franchise. I'm talking about some of his AEW decisions. In his short time running AEW Tony has shown he is not afraid to make mistakes and throw things out there. This isn't a bad thing by the way. Part of the refreshing aspect  of AEW has been their willingness to make mistakes and then course-correct. However, not all of his boldness has been a mistake. To me the ballsiest things Tony has done are about the rookie talent.  AEW has a solid foundation of television veterans, indie stalwarts, foreign talent, and up and comers. To me what has been remarkable is the confidence Tony Khan has in the rookies.  Part of it may be because of the Covid-19 pandemic, but Tony has not been shy about putting talent with very little experience on TV and seeing if they deliver. It's very ballsy to take someone like Jade Cargill and give her a debut match involving Cody Rhodes and Shaq. She absolutely knocked it out of the park, and it speaks to just how good Jade is. I want to save some of the Jade praise for later, because she deserves her own entry. The Jade debut  also speaks to Tony's confidence in his roster. It's not just Jade either. Lee Johnson and Alan Angels were only wrestling for two years.  If Cagematch is to be believe, Anna Jay had less than ten matches when she joined AEW full-time. Brock Anderson's first match was  a tag match with Cody Rhodes. Tony Kahn's philosophy seems to be, screw it, if  they are a  rookie  I believe in than I am going to invest and put them on TV.

And then there's Hook

Hall of Fame Squash: Low Ki vs Ahtu EVOLVE 10 01-14 2012

Low Ki vs Ahtu EVOLVE 10  01-14 2012

We need to talk about Low-Ki

How does one even get started on the topic of Low-Ki. It's a question on par with " How Do You Talk to an Angel" or "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man". 

I don't know, Seven?

To say Low-Ki has a complicated in-ring legacy wouldn't be doing it justice. He has his defenders, he has his detractors,   and he has people like me who fall in between. 

His defenders would point to his old-school mentality, his in-ring ability, and chalk up a lot of the "Bad Low Ki stories" to Low-Ki protecting Low-Ki. All he is doing is making sure Low-Ki the character gets over and it's not his fault if promoters can't do their jobs. He feels the best way to protect his character is to keep his win-loss record intact, while also making sure not to make lesser competitors appear on his level. It damages the Low-Ki character

His detractors would say, it's wrestling dude . Wrestling isn't real so who cares if you lose sometimes. Also, that's fine you don't want to lose but stop knocking people out. There are a lot of people Low Ki has injured over the years, and it's questionable to figure out what is on purpose and what is an accident. As soon as I become best friends with Tony Khan, I will do everything in my power to get Low Ki vs Deranged from Death Before Dishonor on YouTube for this blog. If you've never seen it, at some point Deranged pisses Low Ki off so he proceeds to deliver an absolutely uncomfortable  unprofessional ass-kicking. Not really an asskicking as much as a facekicking as poor Deranged gets kicked in the face several times.  It's Brutal 

Rad Radford vs Jobber Jerry Flynn WWF Wrestling Challenge 06-11-1995

Rad Radford vs Jobber Jerry Flynn   WWF Wrestling Challenge 06-11-1995

I don't care for grunge music.

God I sound like my parents, except my parents weren't old in the 90s so I probably sound more like my grandparents. Eisenhower is being a real crumb-bum.  I know music is subjective, but I just never got into grunge. I was born in 88, so even as a kid MTV was on all the time in our household. There are songs like Metallica's Until it Sleeps and Green Day's Longview that I can tell you the first time I ever saw them,for whatever reason they left an imprint. Grunge, not so much. The only grunge song I have fond memories of was  Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana. The only reason I know that is because the chorus goes "Hey, Wait I got a a new complaint". Well as a child I thought it was "Hey, Wayne...I got a new complaint".

I don't know who Wayne is, but Kurt Cobain is really Karening out on him right now. 

New Skyscrapers ( Dan Spivey and "Mean" Mark Callous) vs Randy Harris & Agent Steel WCW Saturday Night 01-06-1990

New Skyscrapers ( Dan Spivey and "Mean" Mark Callous) vs Randy Harris & Agent Steel WCW Saturday Night 01-06-1990

Let's address the obvious elephant in the room.

Mean" Mark Callous is one of the greatest wrestling names of all time

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about "Mean" Mark.  In doing research for this entry, I just sort of assumed Mark got a couple year run in WCW and then made a move to WWF to become The Undertaker . I didn't realize this is Mean Mark's debut and in less than a year he will be debuting at the WWF Survivor Series. The crazy thing about watching Mean Mark wrestle is seeing just how big and athletic and fast he is, and within a year his gimmick is guy who moves slow.  I know people shit on the older Undertaker stuff with the dives and the  matches with a million kick outs but its obvious why he did that. He had to be well.....a slow wrestler for so long that he wanted to show people what he could do. It's hard not to look at this, his WCW debut, and see flashes of what Undertaker was doing late into his career. before his body and his brain broke down. The Undertaker is one of the most iconic characters in wrestling history, but it is interesting to wonder what a Mean Mark in WCW run would have looked like. 

Hall of Fame Squash: Goldberg Vs La Parka WCW Monday Nitro 06-01-1998

Goldberg Vs La Parka WCW Monday Nitro 06-01-1998

I don't care for Goldberg.

I originally I said I hated Goldberg, but I thought about it and that's silly. Wrestling is stupid and to say you actively hate a person playfighting in trunks  seems a bit silly. I definitely don't care for him though..Even before he kicked Bret Hart in the brain and ended his career, I was never a huge Goldberg guy. Even at the height of his powers, I just didn't get it. Sometimes in wrestling you just like  a babyface the minimum amount. I liked Goldberg, that was about it. It wasn't even a WWF bias as I was a huge fan of Sting, but Goldberg just didn't do it for me. Any goodwill I did have for him  was squashed ( yay jokes) with his recent returns. This is just like my opinion man, but I hated it.  Obviously Goldberg will be showing up back in this blog,  as he was pretty much the king of the squashes in the late 90s. However, I don't have high hopes. Maybe this is unfair of me, much like it was  unfair of him to end Bret Hart's career, but I remember Goldberg matches all being the same and not in the fun way. No Sell, Spear, Jackhammer, Repeat. I'm probably a lot more forgiving of the formulas of other wrestlers, but for Goldberg I need something else to help me look past my bias 

I need a Spooky Skeleton Man

Jon Moxley vs Ten AEW Dynamite 10-27-2021

Jon Moxley vs Ten AEW Dynamite 10-27-2021

I'm going to preface this by saying I know Covid-19 isn't over. 

I doomscroll as much as the next guy, and I'm well aware it will probably ebb and flow for a very long time. That being said, I don't have the same feeling of helplessness. Right around the time Tom Hanks got diagnosed, which is insane that's my marker, my work sent us home with a laptop until it blew over. That was March of 2020, I didn't return to the office until July of 2021. With the exception of my girlfriend, I barely interacted with anyone in-person. I saw my parents outside a few times in the fall. Occasionally I would talk to someone I ran into on the street. Literally the street because everyone was so bored they just walked around outside aimlessly.. When I did eventually see people, I had no idea how to interact anymore. My social anxiety was bad before, but Covid seemed to break the part of my brain that taught me how to be cool. It took me a couple tries to realize that wait, I didn't use to sing made up song lyrics in front of my friends before.  " WHITE CLAWBITADABA THE BANG TO BANG DIGGY DIGGY"  I should let people know I'm fine now, but the transition back to reality was a bit difficult. 

As strange as it is to say, but this AEW show was the marker of me feeling a bit normal again.  Some friends and I purchased tickets for this edition of AEW Dynamite, scheduled for April 2020 ( we just missed the cutoff for the world being shut down by three weeks).  Then the show got pushed to June, then October, Then April, and then finally October of 2021.. As it got closer and closer I began to wonder if I would be able to handle it. I mean, I hadn't even felt comfortable eating inside a restaurant until June of that year....but to be inside a building full of that many fans? I didn't know how I would react. Would I even enjoy myself?

Road Warrior Hawk vs. Bobby Starr WCW Saturday Night 10 -28 -1995

Road Warrior Hawk vs. Bobby Starr WCW Saturday Night 10 -28 -1995 

Nobody can like two things equally.

It's just not possible. People (parents) will tell you ( me) they like something ( my brother) the same as something( me again), but that's not possible. There is a reason people play games like Fuck, Marry, Kill or Desert Island....because deep down there are honest answers. Gun to your head, we all have a favorite Backstreet Boy. It's Nick. That said  if someone has a gun to your head answer A.J......that's a very A.J fan thing to do. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hard. For me I can tell you I'm all about Mark Hoppus and Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes without even batting an eye. But if you ask me to pick my favorite member of The Lone Rangers, we'd be here for a while. I think it's Steve Buscemi,...no it's Adam Sandler....but I mean Brendan Frasier is a babe...I...I don't know.  Wait, we're getting distracted by my own hypotheticals. The point is when it comes to this stuff, you have to pick.

Even in Wrestling

This is not about Jannettys ( sup Georgie), because in theory a Jannetty is  a member of a tag team who doesn't achieve as much success as their partner. No this is about, which member of the tag team you like more. I don't want to hear the " like them both the same" crap. It's just not true. STOP LYING TO ME DAD.  I know for every Bret guy, there's at least a few Anvil fans. For all the Eaton Disciples, there's a Stan Lane fanatic  . For every Marcus Bagwell, there's a guy pretending to be him on twitter. There's always an answer

Road Warrior Hawk is my guy

Hall of Fame Squash: Tazmaniac and 911 vs Orient Connection (Hiroshi Itakura and Tsubo Genjin) ECW Enter Sandman 05-13-1995

Taz and 911 vs  Orient Connection (Hiroshi  Itakura and Tsubo Genjin) ECW 05-13-1995

I'm still bummed out I  missed out on ECW.

Don't get me wrong, I was aware of ECW and wanted to like it, but could never quite figure out how to find it. You kids today with your on-demands and your Sony Walkmans have it too good.  I was just a little too young to be able to access it, as when ECW finally went under I was only 13 years old. For a long time, I could only follow it from the Apter magazines. It was like this mythical place I wanted to see more of, but access was limited 

I only ever found a ECW Syndicated show one time.  I stumbled upon it on a Spanish Language Station at 1AM of a Saturday Night. I was so excited, finally I found it! The next Saturday I made sure to stay awake, but it wasn't there. And it wasn't there the week after that or the week after that.  

Gone in an isntant

I know people rip the ECW on TNN show, but to me it was amazing. I finally got to see all these guys I read about. I distinctly remember skipping decorating the Christmas tree with my family because 2 Cold Scorpio was coming back to face Mike Awesome for the World title.  But I know ECW on TNN wasn't peak ECW. 

It was peak RollerJam. I loved that show

Jerry Flynn vs. Dave Burkhead WCW Worldwide 02-27-1999

Jerry Flynn vs. Dave Burkhead WCW Worldwide 02-27-1999 

Ultimately, this squash match blog is supposed to be variety. My hope is that as the blog goes on, I'll be able to find more and more obscure stuff and bring attention to wrestlers and matches that have been lost to time. With that in mind, I've really been trying to mix it all up. I'm trying to limit appearances by guys like Sid and Vader, and trying to spread out the years and promotions I cover. It's very early in the blog but there is just something I know I can't escape

WCW has the best squash matches

I'm not even talking in terms of quality, I'm referring to just the strangeness of it all. I'm sure WWF and WCW had the same amount of programming, but for whatever reason WCW had the more variety. The WCW roster so bloated in 1999 that the guys who were borderline enhancement talent got to become squashers in matches. We haven't even covered most of them yet, but it's fascinating when you realized how many people were employed by WCW that you can't help but wonder.....how?

Enter Jerry Flynn

Hall of Fame Squash: Ken Patera vs "Judo" Joe Black WWF Championship Wrestling 4-16-1985

Ken Patera vs "Judo" Joe Black WWF Championship Wrestling 4-16-1985

One of my fears of this blog is that sometimes it might end off coming across too repetitive. That there'd be too many matches that are just Giant guy kills little guy with a link to a YouTube channel filled with erotic Musclebear comments. Make no mistake, there will be plenty of those on this blog, but I just tried to be optimistic that the whole blog won't just become that

Meet "Judo" Joe Black

This Joe Black does share similarities to the the Brad Pitt character of the same name, in that his performance shares the grace of a man being hit by multiple vehicles. A lot of these squash matches will make this list because of either the superstar doing the squashing delivering and absurd moveset or maybe some combo of a superstar and a wimpy actively participating in their own demise. This is the rare instance of a match being all jobber. Not only am I not sure if Judo Joe was trained before this match, I'm not entirely sure he's seen a professional wrestling match before. Aside from the fact he looks like a gentleman who signed up to a mall karate dojo without realizing it's meant for training, everything he does just scream absolute wimpy.

Terry Funk vs Lee Scott NWA Pro 10-28-1989

 

Terry Funk vs Lee Scott   NWA Pro Oct 28th, 1989

If you've been reading the blog for a little bit know, you sort of get the format of the writing. I try to work up an introduction, maybe share a personal anecdote or two and then get into the match. I sometimes worry it comes off a bit -self indulgent, but ultimately I decided it was more interesting than just doing play-by play of old matches. I figure sometimes people need a smooth transition before we start talking about the match.

Fuck Transitions, This is a Terry Funk Match

There is no story, there are no jokes, all there is is Terry Funk the greatest professional wrestler of all time. I don't throw that out there without thinking about it, hell I'm a giant Bret Hart fan and I think he's got a case for the greatest of all time too. However, the case for Terry Funk is just too strong. Nobody and I mean NOBODY has excelled in wrestling in a variety of roles. You need an underdog babyface, call Terry. Need a bumbling comedy heel, call Terry. Need  a absolute maniac, call Terry. He can make you feel fear, anger, pity, love, and all sorts of other emotions.  He is the definition of a perfect wrestler. Also, Roadhouse. Nevertheless, while Terry Funk is the greatest wrestler of all time, he is not the greatest wimpy of all time. 

Fuck Transitions, This is a Lee Scott Match.

Chris Candido vs. The Dark Secret Smokey Mountain Wrestling (SMW) 09-13-1993

Chris Candido vs. The Dark Secret Smokey Mountain Wrestling  (SMW) 09-13-1993

You remember when The Lard Lad came to life in the Simpsons and destroyed the town?

Of course you do. It was the Treehouse of Horror episode where Homer steals his donut and then all the other mascots come to life and start killing people. There seems to be no hope in site until it comes in the form of Lisa Simpson. After talking to an advertising executive they figure out the best course of action is to get people to ignore the mascots and then they'll go away. Of course they need Paul Anka's help who writes a song that simply tells people " Just don't look, Just don't look". Of course the monsters can't survive without the attention and the day is saved.

People need that same energy for Jim Cornette's opinions.

Look, if Jim Cornette has any opinion or story about wrestling pre -000, I am all ears. Anything after that I just don't have time for.  Cornette is the Abe Simpson yelling at a cloud moment personified. That's not fair to Abe Simpson. He's more, Jasper talking about what constitutes a paddlin'. He's not always wrong, but at this point it's so obviously an act that people still fall for. The cycle goes as follows

Dr. D David Schultz vs Mike Dorsett WWF All Star Wrestling 01-07-1984

Dr. D David Schultz vs Mike Dorsett WWF All Star Wrestling 01-07-1984

It's  ort  of funny John Stossel got slapped.

Yeah yeah I know violence isn't the answer. He was just doing his job. Rational thoughts and pearl clutching, etc

I get it. 

 If "Doctor D" slapped any other reporter, it wouldn't be funny....well other than Geraldo. But he didn't slap Hugh Downs, he slapped John Stossel and John Stossel sucks. Maybe John didn't suck back then, but he sucks now. A libertarian shithead who "stands up for the little guy", but really is more about corporations than humanity.  Not to get too political, but  I think libertarianism is dumb. I get the logic behind it, but that's all it is is.... logic applied without humanity or empathy.  Irrational Rationality. A friend of mine showed me his membership card for the Libertarian Party. I showed him my Subway Rewards Card. Mine was more impressive, because I actually get something out of it sometimes. A lackluster Meatball sub

I changed my mind, it's  kind of funny John Stossel got slapped.

Hall of Fame Squash: Nathan Jones vs Shannon Moore WWE Smackdown 11-25-2003

Nathan Jones vs Shannon Moore WWE Smackdown 11-25-2003

You guys ever see the movie where criminals steal a guys elephant so for 90 minutes he just knees the beejeezus out of everyone?

It's called The Protector and its incredible. It's a 2005 Thai Martial Arts movie starring Tony Jaa and I love it. If people do know Tony Jaa  it's usually from Ong-Bak, which is great but I just like The Protector better. I've seen that movie so many times and I've never not once enjoyed it. It's absolute chaos . By the way, I wasn't joking about the plot, the whole premise is John Wick but without dogs and guns and replaced with elephants and flying knees. Guy with a bunch of lightbulbs on his back getting some weird therapy, YOU'RE GETTING KNEED. Random gang of inline skaters and dirt bikers with light tubes, YOU'RE GETTING KNEED.  Nameless villains in Stone Cold Steven Austin Shirts, YOU'RE GETTING KNEED.  Nathan Jones. YOU'RE Getting...wait.

Nathan Jones?

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs Jason Arndt WWF Superstars 06-08-1996

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs  Jason Arndt WWF Superstars 06-08-1996

Golden Girls holds up

I recently  moved in with my girlfriend and  we  came to the conclusion that it'd make life easier if we had a default " Let's just throw this show on" show  I've been meaning to do a Golden Girls watch for years and so I suggested it and off we went.  I figured it was gonna be a solid 80s sitcom comedy and it's got so many episodes that we could get a couple months out of it. I knew it would be good, but I didn't think it would be this good. I just didn't trust the hype. I am wary of any intellectual property that gets its own segment at an FYE, it just usually doesn't go well. But man , that show is fantastic. And What a cast? Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, Sophia, and Coco?

You don't remember Coco? Their gay cook?

Jamie Noble vs. Demarso Whitney ( Tommasso Ciampa) WWE Velocity 12-13-2005

Jamie Noble vs. Demarso Whitney ( Tommasso Ciampa) WWE Velocity 12-13-2005

There's a chance that I'm viewing it through rose colored glasses, but Jamie Noble's  2005 was something special.

Jamie Noble was always known as a great wrestler. IThe Jung Dragons were a really fun act at the latter part of WCW that I hope show up on this list. In WWE he transformed from just a really good wrestler to a great character as the Noble and Nidia Redneck Royalty stuff was really entertaining television. You were guaranteed a great time watching Noble, but WWE has a ceiling for guys like him. He's not a tall guy and he was too good at being a comedy act to get a serious push. When he was released in 2004( for a ridiculous story I won't get into here involving steroids and butts), Jamie knew he had to change.

He worked for New Japan and some other indies in 2004, but in February 2005 he wrestled Spanky in Ring of Honor and that was the beginning of a borderline Cinderella story. No comedy, no flannel, just James "By God" Gibson in Ring of Honor busting his ass every single show. I'm not sure how people felt at the time, but looking back on it I can't believe he got so over so quickly. . It's not like he had any major feuds or angles for his first few months other than James Gibson is here to prove he can wrestle. And Prove he did. People fell in love with him as slowly he became a top babyface in Ring of Honor. It wasn't just that a country boy could survive in ROH, it turns out he could thrive .It can't be understated what a big moment it was in August 2005 when he beat CM Punk for the world title. He had earned it and the people were there with him. Its not like Jamie proved to people he could wrestle, everyone knew he could and was good at it. I just  don't know if anyone knew he was that good.

Hall of Fame Squash: The Masked Patriot vs Koko Ware CWA Memphis Wrestling 02-01-1986

 The Patriot vs Koko Ware  CWA Memphis Wrestling 02-01-1986

The first wrestling show I have any memory of attending was in the Middleboro High School Gym in probably 1993. I say probably because  as far as the internet is concerned this show didn't happen. I've tried to figure out the date and the card, and hell even to make sure it was in Middleboro but there's nothing go off of. There are moments from it I am not sure happened, like for some reason I thought WCW guys were on it including El Gigante. That can't be right. There was a firefighter gimmick maybe? I don't know. Honestly it all sounds like a fever dream. The only way I know it happened for sure is the main event

Koko B Ware vs The Tazmaniac.

The rest of the night is hazy except for that main event. Tazmaniac scared the crap out of my cousin and I so much we crawled up the bleachers, lest he makes a break for it and goes full Cannibal Buress on us.  They say you can't eat human flesh and i say yes I can cannibal. Who could possibly stop the Tazmaniac?

The Birdman, that's fucking who. 

Super Shockmaster vs Mike Thor WCW Main Event 01-16-1994

Super Shockmaster  vs Mike Thor WCW Main Event 01-16-1994

Where do I even start with this?

If you're reading this blog, I have a feeling like already know about The Shockmaster, but in case you don't lets review the tale . One fateful evening in WCW, Sting and Davey Boy Smith hyped up that they were going to debut their new tag partner for a big six-man tag match against Harlem Heat and Sid Vicious. He was going to shock the world because he was The Shockmaster. Pyro went off and a man emerged from behind a wall, well not so much as emerged and tripped. In the chaos, his mask rolled about as far a way as possible and he scrambled for it before standing up and cutting a prerecorded promo. It took just the few seconds for everyone to realize The Shockmaster was actually Fred Ottman aka Tugboat aka Typhoon. The Shockmaster gimmick was dead on arrival. WCW did the only thing they could, which is pivot Shockmaster into a loveable goofy clumsy idiot. It was a far cry from the master of destruction they had planned, and you have to wonder what the Shockmaster plans were if he never had such an awful debut.

Well obviously that stuck in someone's craw, because I introduce to you The Super Shockmaster. The Monsoon Classic YouTube channel is an absolute godsend to this project. I am trying my best to spread out the videos and not use just his, but it's really hard when he finds gems like this. I had no idea this existed, but evidently  in storyline, The Shockmaster was frustrated with his WCW career and decided to bring in his nephew and his best friend, The Super Shockmaster. The Super Shockmaster thanked the Shockmaster, but let people know The Super Shockmaster is going to wrestle differently than The Shockmaster.

Makes sense?

It doesn't 

Hall of Fame Squash: The Spoiler vs Jeff Lang WWF Championship Wrestling 08-25-1984

The Spoiler vs Jeff Lang WWF Championship Wrestling 08-25-1984

I love the 70s.

Not in the Green Screen, VH1 filling airtime kind of way. I don't ironically wear leisure suits. I don't unironically wear leisure suits. Nothing about wearing a suit is leisurely. Show me a guy who wears a suit on a regular basis for non-work reasons and I'll show you someone who could benefit from therapy.  I just find than when it comes to pop culture a lot of my favorite stuff  comes from that era. It's the decade that brought us  Punk, The Godfather, Slapshot, The Muppet Show , SNL and so much  more. It's an absolutely insane decade. I assume a lot of the decisions of the era fueld by cocaine , but not too much cocaine. Like enough cocaine to discuss your favorite Tom Petty albums, but not too much cocaine where you start power ranking The Heartbreaker's contributions.  YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND STOP DISRECPECTING BENMONT TRENCH.   When it comes to media, my first instinct is always something from that era.

Music?  Let's put on some Warren Zevon

TV? Slowly working through Rockford Files

Movie? Time to watch Phantom Of The Paradise again

Wrestling?........uhhhhh

Tommy Angel vs Yoshi Kwan WCW Saturday Night 06-09-1993

Tommy Angel vs Yoshi Kwan WCW Saturday Night 06-09-1993

I was a little scaredy-cat as a child.

I had a birthday at a knock-off Chuck E Cheese called "Grin 'N' Bear It" ( I need to pause for a second and appreciate that pun. ), and as part of the deal I got to go into the ticket booth. I'm pretty sure ticket booths only existed before the millennium. Y2K bugs shut them down. So basically you went inside this booth and tickets would fly everywhere and you had to get them. Fun for most children, an absolute terror for me. I was such an anxious child, so I can only assume I was going to be sucked into the ticket machine or something and my parents would have to redeem my corpse for like a kazoo or fingertrap.  That's just how I was, I just would create some lore out of thin air that would end in my own demise.  When spree killer Andrew Cunanan was on the run, I convinced myself he was going to drive to my small town and kill me. When my father told me that he was a Florida, I reminded  him that that was two days ago and it only takes two days to drive from Disney to Massachusetts. WE JUST DID IT LAST SPRING DAD YOU IDIOT. 

Then there was the aliens thing.

Wahoo McDaniel VS Sam Houston NWA Mid Atlantic 07-18-1984

Wahoo McDaniel VS Sam Houston Mid Atlantic  NWA 07-18-1984

I know I'm not actually old, but some  days I certainly feel it.

I'm about to turn 34 years old, which means I haven't even hit a mid-life crisis level yet, but I just feel ancient some days. I joined TikTok and I feel like I should be on a watch list now. I feel out of the loop on everything pop culture related. What is  Bridgerton? I  refer to things that are too old and expect people to know what I'm talking about, as if I'm not the jerk for referencing Brad Neely videos I watched freshman year of college. A lot of days I can get past it and sort of embrace my self-inflicted old man ness. I tell myself I've always been a curmudgeon and that I'm aging into my personality.

But Sports depresses me